Here’s one of the definite facts of our life experience – no matter which corner of this planet you inhabit – You can never please all of the people all of the time. (And if you are able to perform this feat of human behavior, do come over and meet me in person sometime, honestly...I will be beyond curious.)
For almost all of us this stands true – everyone around us is never equally happy with us all of the times – some are outright unhappy!
Have you ever noticed this bit of fact play out in your own life story? Do comment, and let me know.
Getting back. I’ve observed there are some things we learn only after a personal brush with experience. This is decidedly one of those things. Mine has been most instructive. The whole idea of making others happy rests on a sticky premise to begin with. I’ve been there, too, driven by my basic need to be accepted and approved of and to feel happy about others being happy with me. What’s wrong with that, you might ask. We all endeavor (most of us, anyway) to be happiness seekers and givers in general. All noble sentiments – only thing, they’re misplaced by at least half the circumference of this earth.
My unabated and often unabashed effort to do just the above has landed me in plenty of situations where I ended up making a record-breaking number of people unhappy with me. I haven’t entirely untangled those knots yet. And might not in the near future!
Since then, I have profitably invested my precious time in learning how to prevent these mishaps in advancing years. This is one of my theories: The whole idea of making others happy all of the time distills down to living up to their expectations – about how much or how little we dress, if we walk or run, talk or maintain a studied silence, treat them (and their dogs) fairly and squarely and generally try hard to view the world through their lens!
I admit I’ve done all this. Though, not any more. I have changed. What is supremely important to me now is what I expect of myself. I would rather bet my money on holding myself to high standards at all times. This makes it pretty sure that there will be at least one entirely happy, satisfied, proud, and approving person in the room. That will be me.
I now draw the line at what others expect of me and what I choose to respond to or even notice. Seek and ye shall be given – doesn’t quite apply to this situation, I feel. It is a cardinal mistake to be what others think we ought to become. Though, I’ll say, it is annoyingly easy to fall into the trap of relegating our priorities, brushing aside our instincts, and getting swayed be the one who speaks the loudest and most often. Such people are rarely made happy, if you notice.
Someone wise said, ‘to give, we must first own’ and ‘we can give only when our own cup is overflowing with joy and happiness’. They knew this thousands of years ago, though we all learn it in our own time and have our own aches to remind us of the lessons.
Important conclusion here – be happy on your own first. Protect your happiness, get into the habit of being happy every day. Then watch how others align themselves to be happy around you, in whatever varying degrees they might choose to. Also, be prepared to watch a few distance themselves from you – some people don’t take the pure, unadulterated idea of happiness very well. It upsets them to not have anything to complain about. They are not your primary concern, though it will seem like that on the surface.
And if you are in special luck, those around you might even add to your own joy, because their cup is already overflowing. These are blessed souls that we all need in our life. Hold on to them. Good news, they don’t need you to make them happy.
Fortunately, that leaves all the energy and time in the world for you to focus on the important things in life, for example, being happy with yourself – and sharing it with others.
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