Comparison is a poor man's solace

As I placed my fingers on the keyboard to write something meaningful today, this quote took shape effortlessly in my head.  

“Comparison is a poor man's solace when he doesn’t measure up to his own standards.”

Surprisingly, I’ve heard the reverse much more than once. ‘Comparisons help us understand our own shortcomings, and pitching ourselves against more successful people is an inspiration to work harder.’

I couldn’t disagree more. It’s not just counter-intuitive, it’s unhealthy. And an expressway to lower self-esteem! We need inspiration in life – not comparisons – two very different routes to self-assessment, with dramatically varying results. 

Over the years, this has been my valuable learning. I believe with all my heart that we are genuinely unique and an exclusive piece, as it were. We are entitled to have designer dreams that are not found in replicas. So the idea of comparing ourselves with anyone else seems like a moot point.

Having a reference point that is not our own self is like walking with a blindfold on. We can’t see a situation for what it really is. A genuine self-review, driven by data, gets supplanted by our mischievous imagination. That’s definite invitation to further insecurities, and more comparisons.

Maybe, I have learned to live with myself for the better or for the worse, and by extension, not allowed comparison to take roots in my mind. I am probably in error on the other extreme; I take too much responsibility for my life and its outcomes. I compare myself to myself very often, and measure my results against the quality, or lack thereof, of my actions. This ongoing self-assessment seemed painful and unnecessarily conscientious when I was younger.

Though, over the years, I have come to greatly appreciate the hardiness of this route. The beauty of aging, with all its gifts, has mellowed my critiquing and self-assessing streak. The essence increasingly left behind is more of balance than otherwise. I now feel the confidence (having been on both sides of the argument) to trust my instincts when I know I’ve been admirably good and also when I have grossly disappointed myself.

In both cases, no permanent damage is done, thankfully. My self-comparison takes me on a guided tour of what could have been and what can be achieved. I listen with intent and move on. It never occurs to me to elevate myself in the moment by hitching my wagon to a lesser star. Or worse still, pretend that my outcomes were the best, so others must be less competent by default. That’s delusional on a different level.

I admit our insecurities have a charming way of tempting us to walk the slippery road to comparisons. We appear more competent compared to others, but maybe, end up less capable in the larger scheme of our personal growth. I can’t help wondering what kind of self-satisfaction that brings. Sadly, those of us who do make it our habit to compare and contrast ourselves with others (generally in our favor) are self-indulgent at best and irrational at worst.

Unlike popular misconception, comparisons are not necessary for our growth. Maybe, we confused that with inspiration - which is irreplaceable. Comparisons are just a poor, distant cousin.

Inspiration, on the other hand, leads to uplifting reflection, honest introspection.....and an unequaled thirst to find our best self.