10 confounding dilemmas about Twitter

It's been more than an year that I joined the mysterious gaggle of - tweeple. If I had known this before signing up for Twitter, I might have thought a bit harder about the whole thing.

But there I was, stepping nervously into twitterverse and twittering right along with tweeple. And never were 140 characters more alluring. Though, stringing together 140 meaningful characters...including spaces...really challenged me intellectually!

One year down the line - I am still figuring this out.

Here go my top 10 confounding dilemmas about Twitter....

1) 'Who am I on Twitter?' - is a more weighty existential question than for example - 'What was I thinking?' Don't look at me, I haven't got that far. Wait...I read this somewhere. If I am on Twitter - I must be a Twit. I think Nietzsche just turned in his grave.

2) Why are we on Twitter? I would say to be heard by others about every little pot hole that my car bounced over and landed with a thud. I can tweet even before I land! That way, it's fresh, and it can be accommodated in 140 characters...including spaces.

3) Who follows us on Twitter? Exactly my sentiments - what kind of people follow strangers, huh? I think there are bots following each other posing as real people. It's not possible for real people to constantly ask questions, answer questions, make comments, and observations - all in 140 characters - including spaces.

4) Why do they follow us on Twitter? The answer is - it's all a conspiracy. They follow you not because they like you. But because you are supposed to follow them back! Took me a whole year to get this straightened out after everyone started 'un-following' me post following me for two days. Meanwhile, I developed a complex that maybe, my 140 didn't make the cut! Too many spaces, I think.

5) How do you increase followers? By constantly retweeting their ruddy tweets. It's almost extortion. If you don't do it, they won't follow you. Even if you are following them, keeping in mind rule no. 4 above.

6) How to get retweeted? Two ways. One, by making ponderous observations of the world around us, or if you ran short of original thoughts, cut-pasting famous quotes. Two, by pleading with celebs (twits with a higher quotient) to 'please, please' retweet them. And celebs actually do. I need to rethink the 'higher quotient' part.

7) What is a Twitter achievement? Being in touching distance of Justin Beiber's Twitter followers. Or reaching a personal milestone...for example, I felt elated when my followers became two from zero. I keep my expectations low, that way you get less twi-pressed.

8) When to un-follow others? As soon as the twit in question begins indiscriminately retweeting whom they follow. They are playing the field to get more followers, while I get swamped with random tweets on how to avoid indigestion (in 140 characters, if you can believe that). Un-follow immediately.

9) What are we achieving by being on Twitter? That is one of the more deep questions for this blog. I seriously don't know. I think it is a special platform for all of us when we don't know what else to do in life. I always say, it is so important to know our goals in life. That can prevent us tweeting. Really.

10) Who is reading our tweets? That is the worst part. I don't think anyone is!!! They are all too busy tweeting themselves. There is a conflict of interest in reading others' tweets. It can scramble our brains if we do. And we can lose out on our next 140-characters-gem-of-wisdom.

Last bit. I read this sign somewhere. It said - "In case of fire, tweet later, get out of the building first." I rest my case.