Are you sorted out?

Has it ever happened to you that you met someone, looked at them, spoke for about five minutes....and got this unmistakable feeling – ‘this person is sorted out’. Doesn’t it seem like such a coveted place to be – the sorted out zone? These people are completely tantalizing for me. So much better than being muddled in our heads and confused about our deepest values and desires? Which in turn makes us drift with the next popular wave, only to be washed ashore a bit more overwhelmed than when we began.

I’ve met a few seriously sorted out people. They know what they are about, their best strengths and worst fears. They know where they are going in life and when they are lost. They are their best judge, and criticism and praise are taken in their stride. They also know when they don't know! And I can generally be found staring up at them wondering how did that person become so poised, so genuinely comfortable with themselves, quietly secure, disarmingly real, and unbelievably good, deep down. For me, these are the elements of being ‘sorted out’; people who have found themselves and know what they are doing with this awareness of who they are!

I have gone ahead boldly and quizzed some of them on how they achieved this rare feat of human behavior? What stops them from getting lured into the temptations of our commonplace and wretched behavior, petty thoughts, wicked mischief, and lopsided judgments? How come they discovered what confounds many?

Here are some themes that seem common.

Solitude: To listen, one needs to stop talking. All sorted out people have had the opportunity to be alone and invest in deep thinking. You will agree that not everyone left to their own devices promptly launches into a project of self-discovery. I agree, and that will be my second point. For now, let me speak more about solitude. Two important things happen the moment we are alone. For one, we get away from the unnerving scrutiny of others and two, the incessant noise of humanity ceases. Being alone with our self creates ripples of thoughts that take us to brand new parts of our own mind. The more time we spend exploring our mind, the greater the depth of our self-awareness.

Values: A beacon is the light on top of a lighthouse that shows the way to approaching ships in the darkness. In the same spirit, our values show us the way when we are at sea in life. Being alone can quickly turn into a wasted opportunity. Values help us stay on course. They are the messengers of our guidance system that tells us which way to go. To ask meaningful questions of ourselves is the quiet work of our value system. What questions to ask is aided by the next point.

Judgment: Sorted out people have an enviable eye for the finer points of life. They are able to – with the help of solitude and their values – find meaningful thoughts to ponder upon. The rights and wrongs of life intrigue them. They show keen interest in the human condition around them, and try and ask tough questions of themselves. For example, if there was only one person who could be rescued from a sinking boat, what would they do? Their answers help explore their own rights and wrongs, and logic of life and living. They are curious to push the limits of their thinking and decision making. They find answers to tough questions.

Courage: Not everyone who finds solitude, professes values, and has good judgment necessarily puts any of these to good use. Very importantly, we also need the fortitude to overlook our limitations and step over the line of control. Sorted out people have the courage to do uncomfortable and tough things in life. For example, not hesitating to overcome a fear they have. If they are scared of water, they go right ahead and learn to swim. This personal victory creates massive inroads into their own mind and its capacity to expand and perform well. They test their limits, by pushing themselves to excellence.

Excellence: They root for excellence, because mediocrity is the domain of the confused and less courageous. Those who want to find themselves set high standards at work and in life. They set targets that stretch them and release their limitations. Often, the word 'perfectionism' can be heard around sorted out people. They pay attention to detail and take genuine pride in doing a good job of things.

Compassion: Sorted out people have compassion for the ‘unsorted’ amongst us. On a more serious note; they look at others with intent to try and understand them rather than be understood first. They naturally gravitate towards the good in others and the good in our world than spend time finding faults with either. There is deep goodness in sorted out people. And this last, but certainly not the least of their qualities, differentiates them from everyone else. To exhibit our intelligence is easy, to be clear in our minds is not too hard, but to be genuinely good people is tough for most of us.

Over this weekend, my special task is to enter the kingdom of ‘sortedness’ and courageously explore parts of my mind I have not yet confronted.

Get impatient with yourself

For a few short years somewhere in the maze of the past, I had become overly forgiving and patient with myself; a bit too kind, now that I observe in hindsight. I began to sweep under the rug my inability to rise above the clutter. I turned a shade too patient of personal lapses that further undermined my right to be extremely special, excellent in all my endeavors and exemplary in my expectations of myself. 

A few tough conversations and not-so-happy events shook me up, wounded my pride and questioned my identity – all in good measure and in the right places. Good for me. An occasional jolt needs to be scheduled, I feel.  

After fumbling, stumbling, and finally deciding to get a grip, I had this startling discovery. Patience turns vile beyond reasonable limits. To be patient with our inertia and inaction, to ignore the evolution and emergence of our best, most authentic and stunningly beautiful self is not a virtue.  Ancient wisdom considers ‘too much of a good thing’ a definite bad thing. Much like divinely sweet honey taken in excess undermines its own medicinal value. To put up with our unhappy, unproductive, and uninspiring lives is poison to our minds, and stifles us at the very core of who we are. More importantly, patience with the wrong things and wrong people in our life silences who we can become! 

I find myself greatly convinced to go with this theory of mine. How can such oversight and forgiveness – of being patient when we need to be impatient – lead to any good? That which is forgiven too quickly, is forgotten even faster. What of the treasured lessons then? How else do we carve those irreplaceable footnotes, scribbles and underlines that pepper the pages of our life’s book?

Don’t take me amiss. I am a patient person when I deal with those that demand the most from me, but I am frequently impatient when I demand most of myself. Like many worthwhile pursuits in life, this one’s a paradox as well.

Thomas Fuller, a seventeenth century English churchman and historian said, ‘Abused patience turns to fury.’

Next time a glimmer of impatience with your unmoving life makes you stand up as if ready for action, don’t shake your head and ridicule your resolve. Don’t slump back in your chair. If impatience makes you want to quit your job as you pass one more day in anonymity, don’t ignore the urge. Something deep inside, a voice that knows better is trying to be heard above the daily clutter. 

Let’s not be patient and ignore that voice within, because most likely, it is wearing thin on patience with us. Instead, indulge in the virtue of impatience. Nurture your own haste to see yourself in your grandest avatar yet. And watch life unfold in many surprising shades of a new you.

Be yourself - no matter what

In hindsight, my senior college days were the beginning of my journey to resolutely be myself – no matter what. It sounds dramatic, but then, college days ‘are’ dramatic and emotionally charged times of our life. That doesn’t mean I mastered the habit of being myself right away. Just that I realized something like that exists.

I now look back and wonder how I would behave, which friendships I would nurture, and what lessons I would keep in mind if I were to redo my college stint. Very different ones, is my safe guess. But then, life is not lived in hindsight – it’s all in the here and now.

At some point in the past, I was caught in a time in life where I was more vulnerable emotionally than materially or in any other way we choose to weaken ourselves. A desperation of sorts had gripped me, and I steadily became less and less like myself, and more like what I thought I ought to be at that point. No regrets, really. I feel fortunate to be over and done with a necessary part of our growing-up process. Disillusionment on the surface translates into illumination deep down.

At the end of that utterly confounding and frustrating phase, I had worked out a few things that have proven critically important for me personally, and helped me create this wonderful life I live and completely enjoy today....hope some of this might be useful to you as well.

• Recognize who you are deep down, at the most intimate level. 
• Admit to your key faults, then do something about them. 
• Figure out your top five most important priorities. Your non-negotiables.  
• Dream big and bravely. They do come true exactly as you had dreamt.
• Respect yourself above all.
• Believe in yourself without a shadow of doubt.
• Don’t believe everything your critics have to say.
• Trust your instincts; they are the best decision-making tool you got.  
• Expect the best to happen to your life.
• Be genuinely good.
• Don’t waste time competing with anyone else. Be your own best.
• Speak from your heart, or don’t speak at all.
• Realize that a great life is in your hands alone.

If only I knew this many years ago!

Though on second and considered thought, I think it’s best we all bear our cross when we need to. Despair doesn’t lead to anywhere else but our self. Your trip might be amazingly rewarding and lead to dazzling self-discoveries. It is better to go through your hardships with courage, so you can proudly come through them and empty the baggage at the end of your journey. I am very confident you will find a treasure trove of lessons learned and resolves made, of new beginnings and solid foundations, and of knowing yourself – above all.

After many experiences in this direction, I’ve come to believe that being ourselves is a comparatively easy and happy place to find; way easier than you might believe at first go. It’s the being-someone-else game that is so hard to play and no fun at all.

Who are you choosing to be today?

To please or not to please...

Here’s one of the definite facts of our life experience – no matter which corner of this planet you inhabit – You can never please all of the people all of the time. (And if you are able to perform this feat of human behavior, do come over and meet me in person sometime, honestly...I will be beyond curious.)

For almost all of us this stands true – everyone around us is never equally happy with us all of the times – some are outright unhappy!

Have you ever noticed this bit of fact play out in your own life story? Do comment, and let me know.  

Getting back. I’ve observed there are some things we learn only after a personal brush with experience. This is decidedly one of those things. Mine has been most instructive. The whole idea of making others happy rests on a sticky premise to begin with. I’ve been there, too, driven by my basic need to be accepted and approved of and to feel happy about others being happy with me. What’s wrong with that, you might ask. We all endeavor (most of us, anyway) to be happiness seekers and givers in general. All noble sentiments – only thing, they’re misplaced by at least half the circumference of this earth.

My unabated and often unabashed effort to do just the above has landed me in plenty of situations where I ended up making a record-breaking number of people unhappy with me. I haven’t entirely untangled those knots yet. And might not in the near future!

Since then, I have profitably invested my precious time in learning how to prevent these mishaps in advancing years. This is one of my theories: The whole idea of making others happy all of the time distills down to living up to their expectations – about how much or how little we dress, if we walk or run, talk or maintain a studied silence, treat them (and their dogs) fairly and squarely and generally try hard to view the world through their lens!

I admit I’ve done all this. Though, not any more. I have changed. What is supremely important to me now is what I expect of myself. I would rather bet my money on holding myself to high standards at all times. This makes it pretty sure that there will be at least one entirely happy, satisfied, proud, and approving person in the room. That will be me.

I now draw the line at what others expect of me and what I choose to respond to or even notice. Seek and ye shall be given – doesn’t quite apply to this situation, I feel. It is a cardinal mistake to be what others think we ought to become. Though, I’ll say, it is annoyingly easy to fall into the trap of relegating our priorities, brushing aside our instincts, and getting swayed be the one who speaks the loudest and most often. Such people are rarely made happy, if you notice.

Someone wise said, ‘to give, we must first own’ and ‘we can give only when our own cup is overflowing with joy and happiness’. They knew this thousands of years ago, though we all learn it in our own time and have our own aches to remind us of the lessons.

Important conclusion here – be happy on your own first. Protect your happiness, get into the habit of being happy every day. Then watch how others align themselves to be happy around you, in whatever varying degrees they might choose to. Also, be prepared to watch a few distance themselves from you – some people don’t take the pure, unadulterated idea of happiness very well. It upsets them to not have anything to complain about. They are not your primary concern, though it will seem like that on the surface.

And if you are in special luck, those around you might even add to your own joy, because their cup is already overflowing. These are blessed souls that we all need in our life. Hold on to them. Good news, they don’t need you to make them happy.

Fortunately, that leaves all the energy and time in the world for you to focus on the important things in life, for example, being happy with yourself – and sharing it with others.

Why talent is not enough to succeed

As a very young student, I don’t remember where, I read this quote. “Many people die with their music still in them.” I turned it over in my mind (most probably, while chewing the end of my pencil). It still didn’t make complete sense. If we did have music in us, and we knew it was there, why wouldn’t we use it? Some things stick with us as kids, and this one did. The idea of not using what we had inside us had a profound effect on my malleable mind.

How many of you know genuinely talented people who didn’t make much of their lives? Who died not being their best and not doing most of what they could have accomplished with ease?

At times, I wonder, how alive are we anyway if we are not compelled to wake up to our own special self? What do we see when we look into the mirror every morning...is there a trace of guilt, a furtive glance, a quick lowering of the eyes....maybe, to hide our transgression from our most honest critic?

I’ve spent a better part of my life asking questions, of myself and others and through books, to unravel why some of the most deserving people I know didn’t quite make it? And I am not talking about extrinsic symbols of success here. This is not just about money and a fancy car (well, that too). I am talking about their own admission in the twilight of their life - spoken with painful regret and an unmistakable urge to turn back the clock.

Why would we knowingly do this to ourselves? Or is our ignorance the problem here?

Years later, the penny dropped, when I saw much more than one person betray their talent to be a poor replica of what they were meant to be. Not by anyone else’s whimsical measures, but more regretfully, by their own.

I am beginning to believe with greater fervor that talent is not enough. It is not the most powerful element the presence of which is so potent that it carries us on its own will and charts a path to its full actualization. Alas, if only talent had enough strength. But it doesn’t. It still needs you and me; hopefully waiting for us to unite it with its siblings that are determination, passion, and perseverance. They together are the wind beneath talent’s wings. And put together they can help us sail to unknown, new lands that we never dreamed of. Even way beyond what talent had anticipated for that matter.  

The reverse is also true. Without these missing pieces talent is strangely alone and unmoving; much like us when bereft of love and support for long periods.

So let me ask these passionate questions of you. What is your biggest, brightest talent? Have you used it yet in helpings big or small, to extract of yourself and your life what you deserve? Would you be happy when you have reached the end of the road and it is time to look back? Would you say with peace – I used all the music I had in me, and empty-handed is how I leave.

I think Erma Bombeck said it best - “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.”

Btw, that quote in the first line belongs to Oliver Wendell Holmes. I now know...and understand.

The ordinariness of being extraordinary

Let me begin this with a disclaimer. I don’t mean that being extraordinary is anything ordinary. I do mean instead, that all of us have the potential to be extraordinary, and it is not as unusual as you might think. Therefore - the ordinariness of being extraordinary!

Think about this, it is easier to lean back and watch TV than to live our life every day. In fact, I wrote this in my first book. In the same vein, it is easier to look up to others rather than look within to discover the seeds of greatness inside us. We are born to be extraordinary, how could nature have meant it any other way?

Like so many of you who might be reading this piece, I’ve had my share of what I call – living-weekend-to-weekend. And it did feel like a ‘weakend’ because I was too tired to do anything but exist in anticipation of my next vacation. The idea was to plod through life until there was a sensible reason to show more enthusiasm. Most times, none was required.

Thankfully, I did realize that this wasn’t anywhere close to living my life. Pain generally brings out deep memories. And mine reminded me of my father and mother’s ambition of seeing me do extraordinary things – like most normal parents wish, I am sure. With a halfhearted internal fight followed by sheepish acceptance, I realized I was responsible for my ordinariness. That too, in a situation with obvious privileges that only a miniscule % of the world population can boast of (read, clean drinking water, food, shelter, clothing, education, family support, job, and a bank balance).

I had been at grave fault. Firstly, of taking my good fortune for granted and secondly, of not recognizing my mistake sooner. Far too many years had passed by living a garden variety kind of existence. Not that I did not stand out on occasion or do meritorious work as a professional but that I stopped there. And didn’t explore how I might have multiplied my achievements to make my life extraordinary every single day. The latter part is a different ball game altogether.

My journey has brought me to a point where I believe it is not my choice to be ordinary anymore; I feel compelled to strive for the extraordinary – everyday. I might miserably fail on certain days, but I still sleep with utmost satisfaction in the awareness of my choices and decisions on that day.

It is also a great responsibility we owe to our own potential, talent, education, and experience. What is any of these worth if we aren’t endeavoring to make of them more than our daily bread?

Now, to answer what constitutes extraordinary? Extraordinary can vary vastly in subject, but is united in spirit, I feel. And to make this even better, here is the idea of extraordinary spelled out as beautifully as I can ever hope to express it myself...

“When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project; all your thoughts break their bonds: Your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great, and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and your discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be,” said Patanjali.

This one is dedicated to that unexplored, untapped, and amazingly potent core within all of us, waiting to propel our life to heights you and I have not yet imagined.  

PS: Let me know what you think, and what has been your experience, will love to hear.

Comparison is a poor man's solace

As I placed my fingers on the keyboard to write something meaningful today, this quote took shape effortlessly in my head.  

“Comparison is a poor man's solace when he doesn’t measure up to his own standards.”

Surprisingly, I’ve heard the reverse much more than once. ‘Comparisons help us understand our own shortcomings, and pitching ourselves against more successful people is an inspiration to work harder.’

I couldn’t disagree more. It’s not just counter-intuitive, it’s unhealthy. And an expressway to lower self-esteem! We need inspiration in life – not comparisons – two very different routes to self-assessment, with dramatically varying results. 

Over the years, this has been my valuable learning. I believe with all my heart that we are genuinely unique and an exclusive piece, as it were. We are entitled to have designer dreams that are not found in replicas. So the idea of comparing ourselves with anyone else seems like a moot point.

Having a reference point that is not our own self is like walking with a blindfold on. We can’t see a situation for what it really is. A genuine self-review, driven by data, gets supplanted by our mischievous imagination. That’s definite invitation to further insecurities, and more comparisons.

Maybe, I have learned to live with myself for the better or for the worse, and by extension, not allowed comparison to take roots in my mind. I am probably in error on the other extreme; I take too much responsibility for my life and its outcomes. I compare myself to myself very often, and measure my results against the quality, or lack thereof, of my actions. This ongoing self-assessment seemed painful and unnecessarily conscientious when I was younger.

Though, over the years, I have come to greatly appreciate the hardiness of this route. The beauty of aging, with all its gifts, has mellowed my critiquing and self-assessing streak. The essence increasingly left behind is more of balance than otherwise. I now feel the confidence (having been on both sides of the argument) to trust my instincts when I know I’ve been admirably good and also when I have grossly disappointed myself.

In both cases, no permanent damage is done, thankfully. My self-comparison takes me on a guided tour of what could have been and what can be achieved. I listen with intent and move on. It never occurs to me to elevate myself in the moment by hitching my wagon to a lesser star. Or worse still, pretend that my outcomes were the best, so others must be less competent by default. That’s delusional on a different level.

I admit our insecurities have a charming way of tempting us to walk the slippery road to comparisons. We appear more competent compared to others, but maybe, end up less capable in the larger scheme of our personal growth. I can’t help wondering what kind of self-satisfaction that brings. Sadly, those of us who do make it our habit to compare and contrast ourselves with others (generally in our favor) are self-indulgent at best and irrational at worst.

Unlike popular misconception, comparisons are not necessary for our growth. Maybe, we confused that with inspiration - which is irreplaceable. Comparisons are just a poor, distant cousin.

Inspiration, on the other hand, leads to uplifting reflection, honest introspection.....and an unequaled thirst to find our best self.  

Hard work does not lead to success

Recently, I attended a program which had a key-note speaker several years my senior, and they said – “Hard work does not lead to success. Only mules work hard.”

I got thinking. Like most of us, I’ve grown up listening to advice about how hard work is the only way to success. I am myself a loyal ally of hard work, and was tempted to dismiss his one-liner but for a sliver of doubt that refused to budge.

I have worked very, very hard for most of my life. So did my parents (and that’s why I do too, actually). Even so, something didn't add up. Not all hard work, either mine or theirs, has led to proportionate success. (We ought to have been billionaires by now. Seriously.) On the contrary, at times not working hard has borne results, and working very hard has delivered disappointments. Has this ever happened to you?

Mighty frustrating, if you ask me! Not to mention - upsets my conditioning.

Though on deeper thought, and considerable mulling, I reached some of these hidden realizations. Do tell me if you concur or otherwise.

In the year 2003, my career slumped dramatically, business was bleak, my finances were in shambles, and I was in no position to help my family or myself. The situation was serious enough to give me several sleepless nights - being awake was nightmare enough, I guess.

I still don’t know what happened back then. But I refused to work harder. The very thought of working harder magnified the irony of the situation. Because the only way I knew to work up until then was with diligence, I had remained admirably honest in the face of great odds, and I knew with conviction I had what it took to be the proud owner of a great career. And yet, I was nearly broke. The anomaly disturbed me more than my condition.

In essence, there was every reason and temptation to work harder and try harder. Instead, I decided to sit at home and think harder. Maybe, there wasn’t much to do outside home, anyway. Some amazing questions arose from a mind-numbing series of personal hardships.

What did I want from life? More importantly, what did life want of me? What did I really want to do? How could I improve as a person? What kind of money did I deserve to earn? What did it take to work with the best? And here's the clincher – if I was so capable, competent, honest, and hard working – what was I doing on the wrong side of success?

While I questioned myself, I unwittingly pictured my life to be beautiful, comfortable, happy, healthy, adventurous, and full of friends and supporters (such happy mind tricks these). I then did something that now seems preposterous and downright laughable. I searched for the best training organization I could find in India, and applied for work through their website. In a month’s time, I was on a flight to join them at their headquarters as a specialist trainer.

And this wasn’t the only dream break I’ve had in life. It had happened to me before and it has happened to me much more than once since. The more I peel the layers of what the key-note speaker might have meant, the more I am prone to agree. Hard work does not lead to success.  

Working hard without a purpose is pointless. Working hard with a solid purpose, and knowing what we hope to achieve from daily hard work, is one of the finer points of the art of achievement. I now understand why at times my hard work failed to deliver. From being a hard worker I have now moved to a hard core, purpose driven worker.

I’ll go so far as to say that it’s much easier and wiser to stop working altogether and find our purpose than to keep blindly working hard in the hope of stumbling across something worthwhile. I work hard every day. The only difference is that I choose carefully what I work hard on, and who I work hard with. That’s smart work, I am learning.  

Maybe, human beings are not meant to work hard. We are meant to think hard and choose smart. And then go at it with all our energy if that’s what we need to do. I have a feeling, success might be ours for the taking.   

Guilt is good...

I mean that. I feel it too. And it sounds like a mighty attractive title to boot!

Guilt is good. It is healthy. It is not all negative. And it is definitely not pointless. I discovered this as late as when I was in the middle of writing my first book, Corporate Nirvana. I wrote effortlessly about the secret to turning guilt into our biggest positive force. And I was a bit surprised where all the information poured onto the pages from.

Over the years of my voracious, hungry reading of books and resultant thinking, I have come to understand some tricks of my mind. But then, books don’t teach us the secrets of our mind – thinking does.

I don’t mind saying that guilt is the starting point of all that is good. It is an impartial critic whom we detest for telling the truth, but depend on for showing the way.

Till recent years ago, I spent hours and nights brooding on my decisions or lack thereof, beating myself up for hasty words and imperfect actions. Then something began to change. I began grudging the time spent in regurgitating the past. I started questioning the wisdom of finding my faults and absolving others of theirs. I am glad I felt guilty...about my guilt..!!

And this is my enlightening discovery. Guilt is the only way to begin feeling happy again. Without it, we would never discover the follies of our devilish mind. Have you discovered that unbridled confidence breeds corruption. Or that uninterrupted happiness hampers improvement. Though we are wired to be happy – regrets are meant to feel unhappy and uncomfortable. These interruptions are good. They jump start our life. We value happiness when we are unhappy, just like we crave peace when we are perturbed. Or how else would we know what we want? To me this makes complete sense.

But there’s a trick here – and a smart one at that. Guilt is like quicksand. Try too hard, and we go under faster. Let go, and we have a chance.

Here’s how guilt turns into the biggest positive force of our life. Next time you have deep, bitter regrets.....allow yourself some forgiveness and a generous distance from the past. If guilt is the protagonist of our past, hope is the determined leader of the future. Once we take this step, we begin to understand how we can set things right – or that we can’t set them right anymore – so we must let go. Like quicksand, life responds better when we aren’t thrashing about in despair.

My personal experiences have taught me the utility of feeling guilty, and that without it, we might never feel the powerful surge of motivation to set things right, or make the best of what we have today. But for guilt, we might never realize that time spent in regrets doesn’t make things right - but time invested in asking meaningful questions of our guilt, makes all the difference.

Guilt is good. So next time you find yourself there, feel at peace. Guilt has a purpose - of propelling us to progress, searching for answers, fostering forgiveness, and doggedly pursuing our best self.
  

Just in case you get curious about Corporate Nirvana http://www.flipkart.com/books/9380227856

What leadership means to me....

More than a decade ago, as a struggling research assistant still, I sat in a massive library packed with countless management books. Overwhelmed, I wondered what to pick first. As I stared up at the towering book racks, a smallish book on leadership caught my eye. I guess, my subconscious chose better than if I had consciously tried to pick an impressive tome.

That book was ‘On Becoming a Leader’ by Warren Bennis. As is the wont of youth, and accompanying exuberance, I had decided after five pages that Bennis would be my favourite leadership author henceforth.

Since then, I’ve noticed an interesting fact.  Full-blooded adulthood, and the cynicism and scepticism that come with it, systematically wipe out most youthful fancies. But if Bennis has stood the test of time, and I still go looking for leadership inspiration in his books, then maybe, I was right sitting in that hot library so long ago. And the man really knows what he is talking about.

After that first, heady brush with leadership learning, I went on to read many articles, interviews, quotes, and books by him and others on leadership. Without prompting, persuasion, or peer pressure – I had decided in a resolute corner of my young mind that leadership was my life’s calling.

I can safely say that Bennis’s deceptively simple, gracefully convincing, and unusually engaging take on leadership has had a profound effect on my adult life - both personally and professionally. I think I am a better person as a result. He emphatically sealed for me facts of leadership that I had heard only in whispers till then.

I guess he is partly to be blamed if people consider me honest beyond practicality, a believer beyond reason, a visionary beyond repair, and a soul-searcher beyond salvage. I can live with that.

Thanks to my mentor (even if only through books) I have begun to understand the secrets of my own mind. I can tap at will, and within moments, into my vision and imagination. In some of my darkest hours, I have found the right path to lead myself into the realm of possibilities. And everything became clearer after that. Leadership is the end-result, as Warren Bennis says, and not the beginning.

I have recently come to realize something else of profound importance to me personally. Leading an organization or team is a lesser priority for me, and I feel no embarrassment in saying so. Leading myself, on the other hand, is something I hope not to falter at. Leadership is not something I only practice, it is something I am. It is not about my position, it is about my mind. And as years go by, I crave for authenticity, not authority.

I am convinced beyond doubt that I am not a born leader. Though, I believe with greater conviction that I have led myself in to becoming one.

PS: Just in case, you get curious: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warren_Bennis

Why we settle for a mediocre life...

Why do we settle for a mediocre life? Is it a dearth of knowledge, skills, access, opportunities, encouragement.....or is it something else? Something more obscure, less concrete, elusive and intangible? Something, that lurks nervously underneath the surface of our overt confidence.

This question has stumped me more than once. I have often observed an intriguing specimen of human behavior in this regard. I now feel nearly confident that it’s not our failure that poses a problem; it is our success that proves the unsuspected enemy. The moment we rise above mediocrity and begin finding our way to excellence, we attract critics that spring almost out of nowhere. 

Being our best and becoming more than what others expected us to become seems to startle people. So much so, that we begin suspecting our own motives. And wonder in the calm of solitude if we might have committed an error in judgment? A blunder in being seriously good?

Have you observed this interesting play of human nature? If you have, let me say, that this still doesn’t make our critics malicious people – just makes them human!

When we shine brightly, we unwittingly light up others’ life. In the glare of our glory, their complacency and inaction become painfully visible. Unfulfilled desires and wasted talents suddenly find a voice. And they struggle to respond, like a deer caught in the headlights. The ones who rise above mediocrity force others to face a disturbing reality – of being mediocre when they could have been much more. That hurts.

I remember more than one experience in my life when I rose above my imaginary limitations and became one of those whom I admired. Honestly, I surprised myself, and it was a heady, happy feeling. And my critics rose as well, almost in tandem, as if I had betrayed them and done great disservice to myself. At least that’s how it felt deep down.

It stung me. And I felt betrayed right back. Shouldn’t they have been happy? Ecstatic even? Now this is logic. But then, we aren’t half as logical as we believe ourselves to be. (It’s just one of those things you and I delude us about.) Tough but true. In the spur of the moment, on emotionally charged issues – we decide irrationally; and it’s not always a pleasant stand we take.

So, here is what I am beginning to understand about myself...and others. No matter how many critics and detractors our success and excellence gather, it is a grave error to change our track to accommodate their hurt and indignation. Because their sentiment is misplaced, because they have misconstrued our purpose, because they are unprepared for their own success, and because if we change our course – they might never find theirs.

To sum up in a fluid, graceful bundle of prose, I am reminded of this brilliant quote by Marianne Williamson.....

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

If we are really curious about my initial question, then maybe, we need to look deep underneath. Someplace that only responds to us, and something that guide books generally don’t tell us about.

PS: Just in case you get curious about M Williamson: http://www.marianne.com/contact.htm