Get out of yourself...

Many years ago, I read in a book by Norman Vincent Peale, a phrase that has stuck with me. He said – ‘Get out of yourself’ – to feel happy and positive again. I didn’t quite understand what he meant, and how was one supposed to do this in the first place.

Very soon, I discovered. The day I was feeling a bit off-mood and unhappy, I decided to put his remedy to test. I followed his advice from the book, and caught hold of someone around me to ask them how ‘they’ were doing? As opposed to telling them how I was feeling. I showed genuine curiosity and concern about what was going on in their life? What updates did they have to share with me? Needless to say, the person in question was pleasantly shocked, and happily embarked on a story about their life and times.

I listened attentively, keeping a close check on myself, so I wouldn’t let loose my grumpiness on them. It was amazing how quickly my mind engaged itself in their concerns, and I sincerely began to talk about them or just smile along with their story. The focus from my own bad mood shifted to their life in a jiffy. In turn, I began to feel happy and light hearted again. It was astounding for me to realize that to ‘get out of you’ really means stepping mentally and physically out of self-absorption and obsession with our internal turmoil. It means to turn our minds eye to the concerns of others – to remain conscious that this universe is bigger than the one in my own head.

Recently, I discovered something of even greater importance – we can all help others ‘get out of themselves’. A few days back, I called up a young girl whom I got to know some months ago. As she and I began talking, I sensed anxiety in her voice, and asked if everything was alright. She told me how stressed they had been about their four year old's ill health, who was now recovering. Rather than encourage her to dwell on it, I really wondered how I could help her in some way. On the spur of the moment, I asked her to visit me sometime, so we could just get together for a cup of tea and chit-chat. She loved the idea, and it suddenly changed her thinking from anxiety to anticipation. She began to plan a visit, and even offered to cook something special to bring along for our tea time together. I loved this positive change in her that happened quite accidentally and helped her to ‘get out of herself’ in that moment of anxiety.

What a wonderful way to stop thinking in circles about our own problems and being useful to someone else. Most often, I discover that my problem wasn’t a big one after all. It was something I had magnified by thinking about it over and over. We not just step out of our self, but discover the real concerns of our friends, family, and business associates. 

I’ve been following this strategy for years now, and it has worked every single time. The only difference is that I don’t wait to feel unhappy to step out of myself. I do it anyway, and it makes me feel even more happy, uplifted, and inspired than I already felt. I pick up the phone, walk over to someone and get talking, or even go out on a walk by myself. Just one small, right action helps me to see the world differently.

Over this weekend, I will be getting out of myself every opportunity I find. I am looking forward to some major inspiration and information. Hope you find your chance to ‘get out’, too!

Guilt is good...

I mean that. I feel it too. And it sounds like a mighty attractive title to boot!

Guilt is good. It is healthy. It is not all negative. And it is definitely not pointless. I discovered this as late as when I was in the middle of writing my first book, Corporate Nirvana. I wrote effortlessly about the secret to turning guilt into our biggest positive force. And I was a bit surprised where all the information poured onto the pages from.

Over the years of my voracious, hungry reading of books and resultant thinking, I have come to understand some tricks of my mind. But then, books don’t teach us the secrets of our mind – thinking does.

I don’t mind saying that guilt is the starting point of all that is good. It is an impartial critic whom we detest for telling the truth, but depend on for showing the way.

Till recent years ago, I spent hours and nights brooding on my decisions or lack thereof, beating myself up for hasty words and imperfect actions. Then something began to change. I began grudging the time spent in regurgitating the past. I started questioning the wisdom of finding my faults and absolving others of theirs. I am glad I felt guilty...about my guilt..!!

And this is my enlightening discovery. Guilt is the only way to begin feeling happy again. Without it, we would never discover the follies of our devilish mind. Have you discovered that unbridled confidence breeds corruption. Or that uninterrupted happiness hampers improvement. Though we are wired to be happy – regrets are meant to feel unhappy and uncomfortable. These interruptions are good. They jump start our life. We value happiness when we are unhappy, just like we crave peace when we are perturbed. Or how else would we know what we want? To me this makes complete sense.

But there’s a trick here – and a smart one at that. Guilt is like quicksand. Try too hard, and we go under faster. Let go, and we have a chance.

Here’s how guilt turns into the biggest positive force of our life. Next time you have deep, bitter regrets.....allow yourself some forgiveness and a generous distance from the past. If guilt is the protagonist of our past, hope is the determined leader of the future. Once we take this step, we begin to understand how we can set things right – or that we can’t set them right anymore – so we must let go. Like quicksand, life responds better when we aren’t thrashing about in despair.

My personal experiences have taught me the utility of feeling guilty, and that without it, we might never feel the powerful surge of motivation to set things right, or make the best of what we have today. But for guilt, we might never realize that time spent in regrets doesn’t make things right - but time invested in asking meaningful questions of our guilt, makes all the difference.

Guilt is good. So next time you find yourself there, feel at peace. Guilt has a purpose - of propelling us to progress, searching for answers, fostering forgiveness, and doggedly pursuing our best self.
  

Just in case you get curious about Corporate Nirvana http://www.flipkart.com/books/9380227856

The brilliance of doing nothing...

Nothingness taught me to trust my deepest instincts. And this is how it all began. The year was 2009 and I decided to resign from my job. I don't know how sky diving or bungee jumping feels because I haven't done either. But when I quit my job, the free fall felt similar - only it seemed to last for some months. Surprisingly, in a good way. More like.....the thrill of doing something forbidden and enjoying every moment.

But quit I did. And how.

My husband and I spent a longish time living up in the mountains in India, doing things that appealed to us. I had no job, no plan for my career, and no remorse for being utterly unemployed. The results were nothing short of dramatic. Amazingly....I never missed my workplace (though they were fantastic to me), and neither did I have any withdrawal pangs of not buzzing along with a busy city. And I am a city girl.

Of course, it helped that I didn't wake up to go anywhere, the doorbell rang rarely, I stopped checking my mails compulsively, ate on time and ate healthy, and talked for long hours with those who really mattered in my life.

Being a free floating, unemployed soul went straight to my heart and gave it new life. Thoughts and ideas and bursts of creativity hit like never before. I wondered what part of me was happy with my daily grind all those years? Not that I waited for an answer...there was so much else to think and talk about.

To my absolute surprise my first book, Corporate Nirvana, flowed out of me after my brush with absolute freedom in that phase. It wasn't my plan to write or become an author. Ever. But I did begin writing, and it took shape one day at a time. 

The deliciousness of doing nothing is a gift. Being terribly busy is not necessarily the mark of a successful person. Success is a deeper idea. When we meaningfully and happily suspend ourselves to flow with the current of life - tremendous things happen. We find some part of our true selves, detect our destinies, discover our motivations, ponder on our purpose, master our impulses, and realize what truly matters.

The mind and spirit have all the answers. Only.....it takes doing nothing to listen to their voice.