Why You Must Get Over Negativity

Doesn't matter why you think it's justified to be negative, it is a show stopper and retards our progress and spoils our happiness like nothing else. Negativity makes us believe a popular lie that life might never change for the better and we are destined to keep falling from one misery into another. I will go so far as to say that negativity is a disease and it's highly contagious. Ever had someone tell you all that is negative in their life, and how that immediately triggered all kinds of negative thoughts about your own life that you had probably forgotten about? And just as well that you hadn't remembered the not so good parts of your life. It doesn't help to keep brooding on what's not right and what hurts. We already know that, so spending more time agonizing over it day and night is probably more wasteful than leaving a tap on for a day. So watch out.


The other day, I met up with a person who had told me many months ago that nothing was right in their life and they felt pessimistic, anxious, negative and angry. Upon my inquiring, they flatly told me that nothing much had changed since then. I was tempted to ask them - has your life not changed or have you not allowed it to change? Is your life unhappy or have you decided to be unhappy, because being unhappy is a lot easier and gets you sympathy? Is life really miserable or is your mindset still sick? Though I didn't ask these tempting questions, I did feel almost a physical ache of seeing someone who had allowed their mind to take over their good judgment and initiative. I also felt put off to be very frank. Negative is not inspiring. So here are my thoughts on negativity and getting over it.

I am not at all saying I am one of those unrealistic and annoying, I-am-always-happy types. On the contrary, the feelings is well known and even intimate to me. Just a few short years ago, I failed to recognize that I needed to reinvent my career, my relationship with myself and those close to me and my overall beliefs that drove me to take mediocre decisions when I could have done great instead.

I needed to master my mind than get blown about with the wind like a fallen twig that doesn't have any control over where it lands with every gust. I also realized, with considerable trepidation, that the changes I needed to make would be tough, and require a lot of guts, self-respect, strength, sustained action, not to mention, time and solid communication. Yet, I was able to move on with my own life nevertheless and the painful parts began to dissolve almost effortlessly once I knew I was in-charge of my thinking and my mind. Funnily, issues of my life just fell by the way and decided to leave me alone, once I resolutely left them alone. I then chose to make my life positive and one that inspired myself to keep doing better.

Negative emotions are strong emotions, and I needed to deal with them by creating space for the strongest emotions - those of love, affection, genuineness, peace, loyalty, happiness, excitement, passion and knowing deep down that I was doing the right things.

Let's not waste our time and energy on negativity and pessimism that erode the very basis of our existence and disrespect the fact that we were created, and given a chance to live this one life.

And because I have been there, I have also come to realize that the sooner we walk away from negativity the better off we are. Continuing to be angry is not a matter of principle, it is a sheer waste of time. There is no nobility or smartness in allowing our unhealthy thinking to take over our lives because we hit a bad patch. Everyone does. You aren't the only one. So move on. Make your life count.

Ten Ways Not to Sabotage Our Own Success

Too many people live off complaining and cribbing and sharing in great detail why their life is so bad. Success is seen as something tough to achieve and more easily seen in others than in us. Therefore, we get more frustrated, more people get to hear our woes, and our mind goes deeper into the abyss of fear, despair and hopelessness that breeds more failure - proving our theory to our self that we can't win like others do.

Here are ten solid, proven tips to beat that self-defeating loop that plays in our minds and takes us away from success. Practice these for 30 days and consider this a challenge to conquer. See how life begins to be more easy, more fun and success becomes your way of life as well.

1. Stop talking about your challenges: 
Yes, there is definite value in sharing our problems so we can halve them.. But most of us unwittingly become 'serial complainers' without even realizing it. We share our complaints and failure and all our petty and big challenges with anyone who cares to listen. What we are doing is embedding in our mind a sentence that says, 'My life is hopeless, I will never make it.' The mind is an obedient servant - rest assured it gives us exactly what we made it believe. So quit cribbing and quit sharing problems with everyone you meet.

2. Develop mental strength:
Mental strength and resilience breaks down every time we give in to worry and anxiety over issues like - am I falling sick, why is my left side hurting since two days, why did that person give me a stern look, why didn't I get appreciated today, what if I can't gather that much money in time, why can't I lose weight, why am I so lazy...and on and on. 99.99% of what we worry about never really happens. Life is dynamic and we aren't smart enough to predict it, so let go. Listen to music, watch a funny TV show, go for a walk, have a cup of tea and look out the window, read a book, watch a movie, mingle with a friend or neighbour, and get to a doctor if you really feel sick. Bottom line - do something constructive, don't just sit and think. Divert your mind, and insulate yourself from petty worries.

3. Quit comparing yourself with others:
How does it matter if the next person earns more than us, lives in a better home, has a better life, is more good looking and takes more vacations in an year? All of this might be true - but how does it help us? Quick answer - it doesn't help us at all to compare ourselves with others. Too many of us confuse inspiration and comparison. If looking at others leaves you feeling unsuccessful, incomplete and negative - then you just compared yourself unfairly. Your life is yours, it will never be exactly like another's. The important question is - do you believe your life can't be the same as someone else's, but it can be unique and absolutely smashing as well? If you can't believe that, you are in deep trouble. Quit comparing, begin believing in yourself and your capacity to succeed.

4. Stop feeling depressed and hopeless:
Quickly recognize your own tendency if you catch yourself sleeping too much, eating too much, putting on weight, feeling irritable often, losing patience with others, turning into a bad listener, losing interest in all activities and finding yourself being alone and broody. All these are signs of stress, hopelessness and despair. Some of us begin thriving on these feelings because they get us a lot of attention and sympathy, and we can manipulate our way out of certain relationship situations. This is not a good place to be, and the best part is that we all can get out of it even in a day's time if we just decide to. Take a decision that you will make an extra effort to be happy and upbeat about life and do what ever it takes to feel at peace. Success doesn't come near those who are hopeless and act like victims- guaranteed.

5. Avoid taking too much advice: 
When we are deeply perturbed and restless no amount of wise advice works. Instead, we get indecisive and more restless as we battle between options that we don't fully understand. Work out your own confusion the best you can, then seek advice at the right time when you are peace. Advice and counsel helps when we have some clarity and peace of mind. Stop chasing the idea that others can solve our problems. They rarely can - you are your own best bet.

6. Don't feel guilty about chasing your dreams:
Chasing our dreams is a gift we all have from nature. We have an equal right to find our dreams and purpose, and feel happy with our achievements. It is a given that none of us want to be irresponsible or selfish, so let's not worry too much about that. Remember, you can't make everyone happy at the same time. So quit trying and stressing yourself out. Do things for yourself and get into the habit of giving yourself importance and love and attention as you give it to others around you. Sacrifice is to be used sparingly in life and generally backfires.

7. Get clarity and take a decision on what you want:
Funny that a lot of us who crib about life are not 100% sure what exactly it is that we are expecting from life. What kind of home, car, vacations, family life, wardrobe, infrastructure, career do we want and desire? If we can develop great clarity we stop wasting our time talking about what we don't have and get excited about what we can achieve. Clarity works like magic. Don't be afraid to dream big, it's your dream, and as long as you are crystal clear what you want, you are likely to get it exactly as you envisioned it.

8. Become a doer, be an action hero:
We all love a movie where the hero saves the world and overcomes all odds. We all love a hero. Then why is it so tough to be one? Because it takes getting up from in front of the TV, computer, chair, sofa, car to actually go and do something about our lives. Superman doesn't fly in through the window, sadly. Make it your agenda to do 5 things daily that bring you closer to your goals. Just this tiny trick can get you massive results. Try it out...begin acting on your good thoughts and solid plans. Be a doer, worship action, get over your fear, laziness, doubt and suspicion and just act on your goals. Be your own action hero.

9. Don't wait for tangible rewards to feel motivated:
As you do your daily 5 actions to get close to your goals, rewards might be seen on some days and not seen on others. Keep at it, don't stop, don't slow down, don't think too much, don't discuss and dissect why you can't see them. Just keep taking action if you are sure you are going as per your plan and all is well with your goals. Momentum has to build to give us rewards that finally will become tangible, quick and numerous. We need to hold on tight and keep the faith until that happens. Never turn around in doubt and never look back. Keep up the self-motivation that fuels success.

10. Believe in yourself when no one does:
It is hugely disappointing when someone gives you a disbelieving look after you've shared all your goals and dreams with them. You instantly see their look and begin suspecting your own competence and capability to succeed. Accept that this will happen in life, and so become your biggest believer and fan. Keep yourself focused on what you want and keep at it no matter how many others feel you can't do it. If you don't believe in yourself, not much chance anyone else will.

Do share if you have another nugget that you think can be added to this list.

To your success always. 

Take Bold Decisions, Move Towards Your Success

As a people manager and a training professional, I meet people and interact with them all the time. Very often, they share with me their desire to see themselves grow and achieve success in their life, and yet, I find the very same people shying away from taking bold decisions that can create quantum leaps for them and their life. I am talking about smart, educated, experienced people who have the definite capability to move ahead in life and achieve their goals. And yet they continue to be disappointed and disillusioned about their future or their capacity to succeed. 

You might say, but isn't our economic and global situation too risky to be bold? I think not taking any risks or bold decisions is a sure risk that we will miss out on all that we deserve and can achieve. At the same time, I am mindful that our current economic times are tough and hard for all of us, and there is no denying the fact that the world we live in today is much different and difficult than the one we had to deal with even ten years ago. I would be lying if I said, I have never felt fearful or apprehensive of what lay ahead. However, it is my innate nature and my burning need that I have cultivated over the years to confidently walk ahead and take bold decisions in the face of daunting challenges. Which brings me to the question - what constitutes a bold decision? Let me give you some genuine examples from my life. Hope you recall some of yours.

As a young student, I took up MBA as an aspiration when I didn't even know how my family would pay my fee, neither did I have a bank balance of my own. It was a scary and bold decision as I had faith that an MBA degree would increase my earning capacity and my ability to support my family. It was the right decision, though probably not the most realistic one looking at our financial condition. As it happened, money appeared from the most unlikely sources and we were able to support my education. I have heard so many people say that somehow help appeared and things fell into place, once they took a big step forward.

I then left a thriving job with one of India's top B schools and started my own training consulting business with no computer (I am talking about early 2000), no contacts in the industry, just Rs. 12000 in savings from my one year job stint and with very limited training experience on my hands, plus I was and looked like a kid in a classroom. Yet, none of this stopped me from knowing and acting on the knowledge that training was my passion and it had to be my career therefore. I would go to a cyber cafe to do my emails and prepare my presentations and call companies from pay phones. In less than 2 years I was a much in demand trainer and big companies were paying me a handsome per day fee to train their middle and senior managers. This too was a bold decision that changed my life forever and became the basis of all future success. Needless to say, I worked hard on increasing my knowledge and read like a crazy person to up-skill myself.

I then aspired to go overseas and train foreigners and experience a different culture. Within a month, I had spotted such an opportunity and applied for a short-term visit being organized by Rotary International. As it happened, the Rotary trip demanded a sum of 10,000 from my side, and all other expenses were paid for. I could therefore, afford this trip. I got chosen for the opportunity and had the most amazing experience in US and Canada which was completely beyond my financial means, but that never stopped me from believing and taking a decision that helped me move towards realizing my goal to go overseas and train.

Yet again, my 'big goals' bug bit me and I had to go ahead and do something bigger and better for my life and career. This time I left behind a successful consulting business and joined one of Indian's top IT companies and found a wonderful job that fit me perfectly and got me more resources than I could ever have imagined. Not to mention I took a bold decision when I accepted this job offer to move from North to the South of the country, all by myself and with no help or support in sight. My list of bold decisions continues and I have again taken a couple of very bold decisions in my life to achieve even bigger goals....I really don't think there is any reason to stop aspiring or working towards aspirations, irrespective of how bad the times might be.

Bold decisions are bold because they require courage and faith. That certainly does not mean we take foolish risks without weighing some necessary pros and cons, or jump into situations that might jeopardize our relationships or career. It just means we keep our options open and move with conviction in a direction we are convinced will help us to ease current problems and open up wide doorways to enter another level of success and prosperity. Bold decisions are the ones that we would normally never take if we thought and thought and over analyzed them. Analysis is good, but over thinking decisions and all the consequences that might flow from them, results in analysis paralysis. That is a state when we are unable to move forward and find a reason to reject all options at hand and all advice as useless. This is not just unproductive, but unnecessary.

Key to feeling bold and courageous is to keep taking action, and become an action oriented person. Don't stop at every hurdle and sit down in deep contemplation. Life does require us to walk past some obstacles and not make them emotional hurdles. So next time you find yourself in a bad situation that completely frustrates you, remember, it is probably a result of you not taking bold decisions at the right time.

Good news - it is never too late. Take a bold decision and feel the power that is within you and is the key to all your progress and success.

To your success always!

Don't Be a Drifter...Take Charge Today

Over a long period of time, I have realized how many people out there are comfortable with just drifting along in life. Sadly, they have turned into certified drifters and have lost their zest for life. How do I define drifters? Those who have a blank look in their eyes and on their face, who don't have creative ideas about their work or their life, who let life and career and people simply happen to them than carve their own path and their own relationships, and who don't have very significant life events that define them or help them grow.

While wisdom tells us to go with the flow of life, this often becomes the excuse of drifters. I am going with the flow of life, they say. That is not what going with the flow means though- it means we have goals and aspirations, put in the hard work and diligence, use our intelligence and experience to get ahead in life, and then let life take its course rather than fight life every single day. Drifters are doing quite the opposite. Not doing anything significant and waiting for great things to happen is like not planting the seed, but hoping for the fruit to drop in our laps someday. Thankfully, life does not work like that.

It is important to wake up to our own greatness. Yes we all have it, every single one of us. God didn't create us in vain. We need not be a Celebrity or a Yogi or a Millionaire to feel the greatness within us. If you can be a great spouse, or parent, or colleague or leader then you are witness to your own greatness on a daily basis, and so are others. Greatness lies in realizing our deepest fears and doing something about them, greateness is discovering our highest aspirations and reaching out to them through a planned and patient approach, and being a good person so that we never look back in regret and guilt. That is discovering our greatness and being great.

Drifters are too scared, lazy, unaware and unconcerned to do much about their life and therefore they drift on with the uncertain currents of life never reaching a definite goal or trying to change course of their ineffective lives. They often don't realize that they are not living their lives on their own terms, but others are making their decisions for them. If we wait long enough, for sure others will make our choices and steer our lives for us. It could be our family who does that or our friends or colleagues or the organization we work for. Either ways, it is a waste of our own life and initiative if we can't steer our lives on our own.

What can you do to get out of this rut? Well, begin by doing something on your own initiative that makes a tangible difference to you. Take a walk every day to make a change to your lazy and unhealthy routine, eat consciously, so you nourish your body, write an email to someone asking for help or advice, read up an article that shows you a path to your chosen goals....I could keep going on and on. Hope you get the idea.

So wake up today....take charge.....do one small thing to shape your life...just one tiny deed of self-initiation and get your power back in life.

Always to your success!

How to be happy everyday

There are some gifted people who are happy every single day. Almost as if by magic. They smile and mean it, they speak kindly and we believe them, they stay calm in the midst of a tempest, and we look up to them with awe. How do they do it? Why can't everyone do the same and be happy everyday?

That's because it's a skill....and like all other skills, it needs daily practice until it gets embedded into our subconscious mind and we believe with absolute faith that we must be habitually happy people. When you learn to drive a car or to swim, you don't become an expert on day one. It takes time for the skill to get embedded in our subconscious mind before we can either drive or swim without having to think of 'how' to drive or swim. It happens naturally and without conscious effort.

Being happy everyday is much the same. It is a conscious practice until one day, the subconscious takes over and it becomes as natural as breathing air. Our mind then churns out happiness in the face of great unhappiness and unhappy people.  Seeing the proverbial 'silver lining' to every dark cloud is a skill as well.

I have experimented quite a bit with being happy because I am intrigued by this emotion. It is so easy to be angry, rude, revengeful, envious, mean.....I could do this all day long without an effort. We won't talk of consequences just yet, only that it is easy to be negative. Being a difficult person doesn't take practice.

Being happy is the hard part for those of us who might already have committed to the negative traits we all have within us. Only one strong, dominant emotional habit can survive in the subconscious mind at a time. Either we commit to being unhappy or we commit to being happy. If we make a promise to our subconscious, deep inner self that we will be happy everyday, it will take our command seriously and belt out happiness day after day. It has no option but to listen to what we decide. The subconscious does not have the power to overturn our decisions, it faithfully obeys and manifests exactly what we ask it to do.

This is not a tiring task for our body or mind, and there is no question of being fatigued with being happy everyday. It is possible to be full of energy, good humor and happiness day after day. We just need to command our subconscious to do so. Speak with it with authority about your intention to be a happy person. Unhappiness escapes quickly then.

How to speak to your subconscious mind is documented in many books, here is one of the ways that works for me. It is called the visualization technique. When I am relaxed physically, for example just before going to sleep or while meditating or doing yoga, I imagine with all my focus how I want a certain situation to be. I clearly imagine every detail of my intention or goal. For example, if I want my body to be healed of a back pain, I imagine myself completely fit, without pain, flexible and being able to walk and jog easily. I hold this image in my mind and 'feel' being healthy. I never doubt that this picture in my mind is not true or that I am in pain right now. I focus on the good part I want happening in my life. Which is healing, in this case. The pain vanishes in a short time, and I am healthy again.

Another great technique is to keep telling yourself  repeatedly what you want your subconscious to accomplish for you. If you want to be to happy everyday, you can say something on these lines....

'I am happy everyday, I remain calm and peaceful. There is joy in my heart every single day. I am grateful for all the blessings in my life.'

If you are prone to being an anxious and worried person, you can say, 'I am calm and peaceful. I know everything will be settled with harmony and happiness.' 

Feel free to make the message short or long as you wish. The important part is not the length of your message, but your conviction while saying it. Say it in your mind when you feel the urge to be unhappy or angry at someone. When spoken with absolute faith and belief, the message goes to our inner mind and gets lodged there. Our actions follow that message. Very soon, you will see great results from this mind technique.

It has been my repeated and absolute experience that when we don't give the right messages to our subconscious mind, and let it wander in negative habits, our life becomes steadily unhappy and unsuccessful. Also, if we are not incharge of our thinking, others will take charge of our thinking. It is better, therefore, to decide who we want to become as we move forward. The power of our life is in our own hands. The more we use it the more it becomes easy to be powerful, happy, successful, healthy, wealthy, and harmonious individuals. Begin today!

I recommend a great book, 'The Power of your Subconscious Mind' by Dr. Joseph Murphy. 

What lies beyond confidence?

My life experiences so far would make for a pretty skyline, what with the mighty highs and sudden lows, gentle slopes, and at times, steep descents – all with a purpose, nothing wasted, all leading to the depths of self-belief. 

Only recently, and with the tugging of age, have I begun to explore the seductive depths of self-belief. For many years, belief meant to me – confidence. In many ways, I was right and still am, though that’s just one dimension of belief. Confidence helps belief get noticed – it’s the visible part. 

When I stretched my potential and ventured into unfamiliar and untested territory, confidence proved inadequate. Realizing my deeper potential is hard work. Only I know what I am capable of, because only I can look within and see it, only I have the power to pluck it out of its hiding place. 

And in doing so, I discovered that beyond confidence – lies certainty – the certainty of knowing myself, of being aware of my deepest beliefs, of having gone the length and breadth of my own being.  Certainty brings with it a sense of security, a groundedness that confidence can exude, but not necessarily generate. To reach this rock solid place, we need to deepen our faith in ourselves. 

As I journey within myself, more so with the passage of time, I find greater evidence in favor of being outrageously original. To stand up in the face of what’s popular and have the courage to walk in the opposite direction, if that’s what I feel certain I should do. Not to be a non-conformist for the sake of it, but to conform to my own true self. That kind of certainty is foolish to ignore. Following the herd, on the other hand, is a greater folly. 

I have come to believe that going beyond confidence also demands knowing our craft with the precision of a trapeze artist, who (knows and) performs a perfect and complex mid-air swap that looked impossible, and enthrall us. We might never see her again, but we will talk about her art for years – and we’ll remember her name. They say the best kind of publicity is word-of-mouth. That’s because we wouldn’t waste our breath pushing another’s cause if the person wasn’t worth it. What we do for others without a motive comes from the certainty of knowing that the other person was superbly good. 

In this spirit then, whatever be our industry of work, the depth of knowing our craft is directly proportionate to the certainty with which we present it to our audience. And knowing our craft requires that we know our self first. Beyond any marketing strategy and the temporary sense of confidence it provides, is the certainty of knowing ourselves and our work. Nothing tops this kind of advertising.

Beyond confidence lies magic. It sprinkles our talents, strengths and our work with the divine. There is nothing quite like that which springs forth from the depths of self-belief. It can weave magic in the minds of who ever your audience might be. The magic is unique, like our thumb print, no other quite the same. In every era, and every economic phase - originality is a big ticket to big success. 

To help our original, true self to emerge, I feel, it is best not to focus too hard on what works for others. What works for them is their own magic. Maybe, our magic is yet to be uncovered from the depths of our potential. When we discover our deepest self and our real worth with certainty, the magic begins.

Why talent is not enough to succeed

As a very young student, I don’t remember where, I read this quote. “Many people die with their music still in them.” I turned it over in my mind (most probably, while chewing the end of my pencil). It still didn’t make complete sense. If we did have music in us, and we knew it was there, why wouldn’t we use it? Some things stick with us as kids, and this one did. The idea of not using what we had inside us had a profound effect on my malleable mind.

How many of you know genuinely talented people who didn’t make much of their lives? Who died not being their best and not doing most of what they could have accomplished with ease?

At times, I wonder, how alive are we anyway if we are not compelled to wake up to our own special self? What do we see when we look into the mirror every morning...is there a trace of guilt, a furtive glance, a quick lowering of the eyes....maybe, to hide our transgression from our most honest critic?

I’ve spent a better part of my life asking questions, of myself and others and through books, to unravel why some of the most deserving people I know didn’t quite make it? And I am not talking about extrinsic symbols of success here. This is not just about money and a fancy car (well, that too). I am talking about their own admission in the twilight of their life - spoken with painful regret and an unmistakable urge to turn back the clock.

Why would we knowingly do this to ourselves? Or is our ignorance the problem here?

Years later, the penny dropped, when I saw much more than one person betray their talent to be a poor replica of what they were meant to be. Not by anyone else’s whimsical measures, but more regretfully, by their own.

I am beginning to believe with greater fervor that talent is not enough. It is not the most powerful element the presence of which is so potent that it carries us on its own will and charts a path to its full actualization. Alas, if only talent had enough strength. But it doesn’t. It still needs you and me; hopefully waiting for us to unite it with its siblings that are determination, passion, and perseverance. They together are the wind beneath talent’s wings. And put together they can help us sail to unknown, new lands that we never dreamed of. Even way beyond what talent had anticipated for that matter.  

The reverse is also true. Without these missing pieces talent is strangely alone and unmoving; much like us when bereft of love and support for long periods.

So let me ask these passionate questions of you. What is your biggest, brightest talent? Have you used it yet in helpings big or small, to extract of yourself and your life what you deserve? Would you be happy when you have reached the end of the road and it is time to look back? Would you say with peace – I used all the music I had in me, and empty-handed is how I leave.

I think Erma Bombeck said it best - “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.”

Btw, that quote in the first line belongs to Oliver Wendell Holmes. I now know...and understand.

The secret to being successful

It's confounding, confusing, and complicated to succeed. If we watch too much reality TV, that is.

Success is not just exciting and enriching - it is surprisingly within reach and logical. In fact, you might be hard-pressed to fail if you realized the secrets of it. In my experience with failing miserably and succeeding spectacularly by turns, I have reached some enlightening secrets to success. Here goes.

Some years ago, after falling into the rut of my work, and doing things that even I found uninspiring, it dawned on me. I had been focusing on the wrong things. My job could never make me successful. Nor could the best organization or boss in the world. I had to make me successful.

‘Job description’ sounds like a boring thing. It is boring. Think about this. Succeeding on goals decided for us by others is self-defeating and contradictory. And what’s on paper, generally fails the reality test. Real success is driven from the inside. Here's the first success fact. We need to align our strengths and talents to our broader role at work.  Once you’ve done that mapping, coming up with creative and brand new ways to expand your usefulness within the role is much faster and easier. Just think up of something no one around you is doing or might even be capable of, but that is the need of the customers and the organization. Everyone will sit up and listen. Trust me.

The other fact about success. Let’s quit blaming our job, organization, and boss. These can contribute to our failure, but are generally not responsible for our success. Success is internal and inside-out. Those on the outside can’t make you succeed even if they wanted to. They can inspire, but only you can crack the final piece. You absolutely need to know what you want to succeed with, when, how, and to what extent – these are fundamental to success. Awareness leads to grand success.

The next fact about success is this. Don’t sign up for someone else’s idea of what will make you successful. It is never wise to repose too much faith in others to rise above our limitations. If we are lucky, we find that one great person to support us. But even that wise person does not know the secrets of our soul. Our inner voice speaks only to us - by design. Superbly successful people listen to everyone’s content, but listen to themselves with absolute intent.

And the last fact about success. Success requires intelligence, but not the kind that is measured by IQ tests. It needs a twist! No matter how experienced, talented, intelligent, or educated you might be – above all - you need to be original. Honestly, succeeding is not hard. There is very little to mess up unless we are unaware of our unique strengths, and that which we do with an individual flair. No one can duplicate that. And that kind of uniqueness brings heaps of success. Remember the law of scarcity - what people can't do or have is what they value and want.

I strongly believe that the road to success is quite clear and easy to spot. You only get lost when your path is leading to goals not suited to you.

The virtue of failure

I can never forget two months of painful unemployment right after my MBA. Made more excruciating by friends finding jobs. I guess, humiliation gets magnified under the fragile lens of youth. I fretted for a longish time until my mind was exhausted. Then it happened - my spirit nudged me and I was reminded that I was worth more than what I was reduced to. The right door was yet to open, no wonder the wrong ones kept opening - tempting me to fail and therefore, see with clarity that which only failure can reveal. And thankfully, see I did.

This happens to me often. As if God has a time table for all of us, and the days we ought to fail are already marked like test days in school for subjects we are bad at. And off we go skidding on the road to failure. Good thing someone has a system for us to fail or constant success would prove disastrous.

I completely believe, for years now, that desperation brings out our best. And clarity strikes in the depths of darkness. We work the hardest when hope is all we got. Will you not agree with me that darkness makes visible that which light is unwilling to uncover? Success is dazzling, it has a way of obscuring what lies beneath. And happiness has little use for questions. But the nature of failure is different. It is hard and unbending. And under its stern gaze we ask questions which never would have crossed our minds otherwise.

Failure is a definite virtue. Or maybe, the value of failure lies in leading us to virtue. Or how else would we have tested our relationship, with ourselves and others. Why would we ever ask tough questions that need asking. And why would we take action even when it might be the hardest thing to do. All of this is not the domain of success, failure on the other hand, is a specialist.

This is true for me as a writer, too. I write all the wrong lines before I know which ought to be the right ones. By not writing well, I generally reach my goal of writing well.

Life's like that also. We need love as much as we do a hard blow once in a while. Just to get us back on track. Failure leads to success. Without a fail.

The hardest kind of honesty

I like people who are honest - about themselves. Among many different traits I can like, I end up noticing and liking this one the most. In fact, think about your own life, I bet you can dislike people on several counts, but you like people on one or two major traits.

Honesty pervades several parts of our life and can be interpreted from as many different angles. Yet the most enduring kind of honesty and probably the hardest of them all is to be honest to ourselves. To be who we are and not be afraid to reflect that in our actions.

I recently had a meeting with the head of a very reputed organization, a man who holds important positions, and does a good job of all of them. I was impressed that he didn't just talk the talk, he walked the talk. Every sms, email, and phone call reflected the values that his job demanded of him. Though that kind of commitment is hardly ever job driven.

We had a great conversation, and at the end I couldn't help asking him how he coped with so many responsibilities and if he was happy being so busy? His answer was prompt and brutally honest. No. He wasn't happy with being that busy and didn't think it was wise to be working as much. He was most disarming when he said, he was at a loss about how to set this right. But he needed to.

I gaped at how someone like him could afford to be so honest. Then I realized, he wasn't being honest to me really, he was just being honest to himself. It was a habit, he couldn't pose to be any one else than who he really was.

I came away a wiser person and now have proof that even when the stakes are high, we can be honest to ourselves and by extension to others. And that's why I think he is so successful.

Lead yourself FIRST

It's been my burning passion this word called Leadership for a decade now! I think about it, I write about it, and feel great when I demonstrate it, too! Leadership brings humility as much as it does success. What amazes me is how small a percentage of our population believes in themselves and their ability to lead. Not lead an organization (well, that too), but first themselves. We look to everyone and everything for guidance when the best voice is within. Listen to it and you will be stronger for it. The voice within is based on principles, and not social values. So, it guides you to your true self and calling. No matter how popular a fad might be, your true strengths will sail you through. Lead yourself and followers will come running! Lead on and Win!