Are you sorted out?

Has it ever happened to you that you met someone, looked at them, spoke for about five minutes....and got this unmistakable feeling – ‘this person is sorted out’. Doesn’t it seem like such a coveted place to be – the sorted out zone? These people are completely tantalizing for me. So much better than being muddled in our heads and confused about our deepest values and desires? Which in turn makes us drift with the next popular wave, only to be washed ashore a bit more overwhelmed than when we began.

I’ve met a few seriously sorted out people. They know what they are about, their best strengths and worst fears. They know where they are going in life and when they are lost. They are their best judge, and criticism and praise are taken in their stride. They also know when they don't know! And I can generally be found staring up at them wondering how did that person become so poised, so genuinely comfortable with themselves, quietly secure, disarmingly real, and unbelievably good, deep down. For me, these are the elements of being ‘sorted out’; people who have found themselves and know what they are doing with this awareness of who they are!

I have gone ahead boldly and quizzed some of them on how they achieved this rare feat of human behavior? What stops them from getting lured into the temptations of our commonplace and wretched behavior, petty thoughts, wicked mischief, and lopsided judgments? How come they discovered what confounds many?

Here are some themes that seem common.

Solitude: To listen, one needs to stop talking. All sorted out people have had the opportunity to be alone and invest in deep thinking. You will agree that not everyone left to their own devices promptly launches into a project of self-discovery. I agree, and that will be my second point. For now, let me speak more about solitude. Two important things happen the moment we are alone. For one, we get away from the unnerving scrutiny of others and two, the incessant noise of humanity ceases. Being alone with our self creates ripples of thoughts that take us to brand new parts of our own mind. The more time we spend exploring our mind, the greater the depth of our self-awareness.

Values: A beacon is the light on top of a lighthouse that shows the way to approaching ships in the darkness. In the same spirit, our values show us the way when we are at sea in life. Being alone can quickly turn into a wasted opportunity. Values help us stay on course. They are the messengers of our guidance system that tells us which way to go. To ask meaningful questions of ourselves is the quiet work of our value system. What questions to ask is aided by the next point.

Judgment: Sorted out people have an enviable eye for the finer points of life. They are able to – with the help of solitude and their values – find meaningful thoughts to ponder upon. The rights and wrongs of life intrigue them. They show keen interest in the human condition around them, and try and ask tough questions of themselves. For example, if there was only one person who could be rescued from a sinking boat, what would they do? Their answers help explore their own rights and wrongs, and logic of life and living. They are curious to push the limits of their thinking and decision making. They find answers to tough questions.

Courage: Not everyone who finds solitude, professes values, and has good judgment necessarily puts any of these to good use. Very importantly, we also need the fortitude to overlook our limitations and step over the line of control. Sorted out people have the courage to do uncomfortable and tough things in life. For example, not hesitating to overcome a fear they have. If they are scared of water, they go right ahead and learn to swim. This personal victory creates massive inroads into their own mind and its capacity to expand and perform well. They test their limits, by pushing themselves to excellence.

Excellence: They root for excellence, because mediocrity is the domain of the confused and less courageous. Those who want to find themselves set high standards at work and in life. They set targets that stretch them and release their limitations. Often, the word 'perfectionism' can be heard around sorted out people. They pay attention to detail and take genuine pride in doing a good job of things.

Compassion: Sorted out people have compassion for the ‘unsorted’ amongst us. On a more serious note; they look at others with intent to try and understand them rather than be understood first. They naturally gravitate towards the good in others and the good in our world than spend time finding faults with either. There is deep goodness in sorted out people. And this last, but certainly not the least of their qualities, differentiates them from everyone else. To exhibit our intelligence is easy, to be clear in our minds is not too hard, but to be genuinely good people is tough for most of us.

Over this weekend, my special task is to enter the kingdom of ‘sortedness’ and courageously explore parts of my mind I have not yet confronted.

Why talent is not enough to succeed

As a very young student, I don’t remember where, I read this quote. “Many people die with their music still in them.” I turned it over in my mind (most probably, while chewing the end of my pencil). It still didn’t make complete sense. If we did have music in us, and we knew it was there, why wouldn’t we use it? Some things stick with us as kids, and this one did. The idea of not using what we had inside us had a profound effect on my malleable mind.

How many of you know genuinely talented people who didn’t make much of their lives? Who died not being their best and not doing most of what they could have accomplished with ease?

At times, I wonder, how alive are we anyway if we are not compelled to wake up to our own special self? What do we see when we look into the mirror every morning...is there a trace of guilt, a furtive glance, a quick lowering of the eyes....maybe, to hide our transgression from our most honest critic?

I’ve spent a better part of my life asking questions, of myself and others and through books, to unravel why some of the most deserving people I know didn’t quite make it? And I am not talking about extrinsic symbols of success here. This is not just about money and a fancy car (well, that too). I am talking about their own admission in the twilight of their life - spoken with painful regret and an unmistakable urge to turn back the clock.

Why would we knowingly do this to ourselves? Or is our ignorance the problem here?

Years later, the penny dropped, when I saw much more than one person betray their talent to be a poor replica of what they were meant to be. Not by anyone else’s whimsical measures, but more regretfully, by their own.

I am beginning to believe with greater fervor that talent is not enough. It is not the most powerful element the presence of which is so potent that it carries us on its own will and charts a path to its full actualization. Alas, if only talent had enough strength. But it doesn’t. It still needs you and me; hopefully waiting for us to unite it with its siblings that are determination, passion, and perseverance. They together are the wind beneath talent’s wings. And put together they can help us sail to unknown, new lands that we never dreamed of. Even way beyond what talent had anticipated for that matter.  

The reverse is also true. Without these missing pieces talent is strangely alone and unmoving; much like us when bereft of love and support for long periods.

So let me ask these passionate questions of you. What is your biggest, brightest talent? Have you used it yet in helpings big or small, to extract of yourself and your life what you deserve? Would you be happy when you have reached the end of the road and it is time to look back? Would you say with peace – I used all the music I had in me, and empty-handed is how I leave.

I think Erma Bombeck said it best - “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.”

Btw, that quote in the first line belongs to Oliver Wendell Holmes. I now know...and understand.

Dare to dream...

Dreaming isn't a hobby anymore - it's an asset. And a mighty valuable one at that. If you got it, you might have the world at your feet. No less. There were days when dreaming was not considered a real talent. Now instead of realistic generalists we look for dream specialists who have the vision and imagination to lead us where no man, woman or child has ventured before.

The entire talent and industry of dreaming rests on a special kind of mind that can disconnect itself from current difficulties and fly off to uncharted territories at a moment's notice. That can see the unseen and hear the unheard. It can paint with no colors and brighten without light. That's the power of dreaming...and dreamers.

Dreaming big is even better. These are special souls who can dare to disregard a dingy life and dream of achievements that score an 'impossible' on the harsh measures of reality. These dreamers make us believe there is a spectacular life yet to be lived. If only we believe.

Here lies that golden key to dreaming for success. Believe and all can be yours. What you see is what you get. Honestly. So we better dream big because no one knows if all that could be ours by morning.

And why not end this piece with my own quote: "The art of dreaming is a different talent than the art of doing. Though one without the other remains unfulfilled."