Are you happy today?

I think I've written more blogs about 'happiness' than any other worthy topic. I feel strongly about being happy people because it appears to be the cornerstone of all other accomplishments. Unhappy people seem to breed failure, and happy people seem to choose success. 

I've come full circle in my constant pursuit of happiness. I began by not reading about being happy, then reading a lot, then experimenting all by myself, then failing miserably and getting depressed anyway. Then I tried reading complicated books about it, then I watched happy people in the hope of learning happiness. Then I read simpler books, and observed some more people being happy. I continued to be happy and unhappy nevertheless. Inconsistency gets to me. I like striving for consistency and find it tough, honestly.

The pursuit of happiness continues - HOW can I be happy for 90% of my life leaving only a measly 10% for the unhappy part. Just like 90% ought be healthy and 10% in a sick bed. I had to apportion a part to both kinds of mental states because all wise people say that life is a mix of the opposites, and the ups and downs are not just inevitable, but desirable. 

Point taken. We hardly learn from being happy has been my refrain as well. But I've discovered that a very short spell of wretchedness is quite enough to make me learn. I am a quick study. I resolutely want to be happy - all the time, if possible. 

So this is what I do now. I LIVE my life everyday. Which means I focus on doing things that I like to do. Most importantly, these few things I like to do seem to produce more things I like to do. Through this strategy, happy opportunities and happy moments are produced quicker than even rabbits multiplying. 

Just today, all I wanted to do was sit in the sun and read a book by Tony Robbins called, 'Unlimited Power'. That's exactly what I went ahead and did. Could I have been writing a book of my own in that time? Yes, probably. But I chose to succumb to the urge of doing this happy thing. Just one hour of this made me insanely happy. Now I am back at my work desk and I am very productive and very happy. 

I am writing this in my most free and happy states of mind. I've learned not to feel guilty about these small, everyday pleasures of life. I absolutely love the thrill of doing tiny things that make me feel great. Let's make life worth living every day. Many people in our world are waiting for that one spectacular day to make it worth while to be on this planet. You and I know that it doesn't work like that - life is right here in the apparent ordinariness of everyday - not in the illusion of a special day in the future. 

So let's be as happy as we can today - right now - in this moment. I am. Are you?

To please or not to please...

Here’s one of the definite facts of our life experience – no matter which corner of this planet you inhabit – You can never please all of the people all of the time. (And if you are able to perform this feat of human behavior, do come over and meet me in person sometime, honestly...I will be beyond curious.)

For almost all of us this stands true – everyone around us is never equally happy with us all of the times – some are outright unhappy!

Have you ever noticed this bit of fact play out in your own life story? Do comment, and let me know.  

Getting back. I’ve observed there are some things we learn only after a personal brush with experience. This is decidedly one of those things. Mine has been most instructive. The whole idea of making others happy rests on a sticky premise to begin with. I’ve been there, too, driven by my basic need to be accepted and approved of and to feel happy about others being happy with me. What’s wrong with that, you might ask. We all endeavor (most of us, anyway) to be happiness seekers and givers in general. All noble sentiments – only thing, they’re misplaced by at least half the circumference of this earth.

My unabated and often unabashed effort to do just the above has landed me in plenty of situations where I ended up making a record-breaking number of people unhappy with me. I haven’t entirely untangled those knots yet. And might not in the near future!

Since then, I have profitably invested my precious time in learning how to prevent these mishaps in advancing years. This is one of my theories: The whole idea of making others happy all of the time distills down to living up to their expectations – about how much or how little we dress, if we walk or run, talk or maintain a studied silence, treat them (and their dogs) fairly and squarely and generally try hard to view the world through their lens!

I admit I’ve done all this. Though, not any more. I have changed. What is supremely important to me now is what I expect of myself. I would rather bet my money on holding myself to high standards at all times. This makes it pretty sure that there will be at least one entirely happy, satisfied, proud, and approving person in the room. That will be me.

I now draw the line at what others expect of me and what I choose to respond to or even notice. Seek and ye shall be given – doesn’t quite apply to this situation, I feel. It is a cardinal mistake to be what others think we ought to become. Though, I’ll say, it is annoyingly easy to fall into the trap of relegating our priorities, brushing aside our instincts, and getting swayed be the one who speaks the loudest and most often. Such people are rarely made happy, if you notice.

Someone wise said, ‘to give, we must first own’ and ‘we can give only when our own cup is overflowing with joy and happiness’. They knew this thousands of years ago, though we all learn it in our own time and have our own aches to remind us of the lessons.

Important conclusion here – be happy on your own first. Protect your happiness, get into the habit of being happy every day. Then watch how others align themselves to be happy around you, in whatever varying degrees they might choose to. Also, be prepared to watch a few distance themselves from you – some people don’t take the pure, unadulterated idea of happiness very well. It upsets them to not have anything to complain about. They are not your primary concern, though it will seem like that on the surface.

And if you are in special luck, those around you might even add to your own joy, because their cup is already overflowing. These are blessed souls that we all need in our life. Hold on to them. Good news, they don’t need you to make them happy.

Fortunately, that leaves all the energy and time in the world for you to focus on the important things in life, for example, being happy with yourself – and sharing it with others.

In the pursuit of happiness....

My three and a half year old niece, who was fretting about going to play school, was asked this question. Do you want to be educated or uneducated? Without a moment’s hesitation she looked us squarely in the eye and said – “I want to be happy!”

I learned that day.

We are all born experts at being happy. And yet there are shelf-full of books in every book store telling us about 10-steps, 7-ways, and 21-great ideas about ‘how to be happy’. It doesn’t add up. If we already knew to be happy, and God programed us so, then what the hell happened since then and now? Pun intended.

Here’s my take on it after observing myself falling into the (un)happiness trap more than once since I was a drooling toddler who always laughed and smiled.

As we enter adulthood, we learn that being happy means we have the responsibility to keep ourselves happy. As a consequence – we are held responsible if that state morphed into unhappiness for some reason. This is too much to ask in a day and age when switching channels can ‘do the needful.’ When we can’t find that right channel to put us in a good mood, at least we can blame the rotten programming of channels we pay good money to watch.

On a more sensible note: Being happy is on our hands. We make ourselves happy. And however unkind people might be to us, they seriously don’t have enough power over us to MAKE us unhappy. Unless, of course, we have granted them the power, in which case, we are puppets in their hands – much like the remote we click to toggle between channels. The feeling of controlling others is a heady one. Being controlled seems to have its own addicts. If those that control us are having a good time, let me upset the cart by saying we also derive some twisted pleasure in being driven by them. An unpleasant medicine to gulp, but bitterly true.

Another interesting fact about being happy that I’ve discovered. Big things don’t make us more happy and small things don’t make us less happy – in proportion. We are not talking physics and matter here. This is about the mysteries of the mind that we don’t yet measure in micro ounces. And thank God for that. I can safely say that looking for more happiness in more money, a bigger home, a pricier car, or a fancier job is just a trap. And here is how it works. If we can’t be happy with what we have we generally end up being unhappy with what we get. I think this is nature’s brilliant way to put the brakes on our wild-goose chase for more happiness.

How tough is it to find happiness, anyway? Very, I think. We aren’t supposed to ‘find’ it, we need to create it. And that’s where I think our confusion becomes messy and painful. It is not a thing that we can find. Happiness is about beliefs and related feelings that we create.

And if we understand that, then we can do two things to create happiness which I find very useful.

For starts, we can stop comparing our life with others to figure out what they have which we don’t. It is a big mistake and causes so much unhappiness. The only way to achieve all the good stuff in our life is to compare ourselves with ourselves. Now that is healthy and effective both.

Secondly, we need to accept that happiness is a paradox. When we find it right next to us, it stays. When we go looking for it, it becomes elusive. Rather sadistic, but that’s the nature of happiness.

I genuinely hope that in our pursuit of happiness, we become happy people. In my personal experience, happy people have a happy life.

Contentedness is in fashion...

Some years ago, I sat in a training program to observe the goings on. The theme was goal-setting. A clueless trainee with a dash of doubt said he wanted to be 'content' in life. The trainer locked their critical eyes on the participant and derisively declared that being content led to complacency and that was no goal at all.

I shuddered till my smallest vertebra and realized I must be in the wrong program or in a bad dream. One of those. What a gross misuse of one's position to distort the true meaning of being contented in life. And since when have we become critical of being happy and at peace with what we have, anyway?

I guess it is this mad world we live in that moves at speeds not yet calculable, and wipes out anything that fails to keep pace. En route it creates a monster of our mind and plays tricks on our imagination to make us feel less of a person if we weren't in a tearing hurry 24x7.

There is an archaic meaning of the word 'content' that meant, 'willing'. What if being content translated into a willingness to move forward with energy, enthusiasm, and enlightenment about the way forward. What if being content is a prerequisite to doing anything meaningful in our lives. Because frenzy and desperation seem to layer our life with more unhappiness. Worse still - our urge to conform to our rapidly changing world pushes us into a much more depressing state than even unhappiness. It's called emptiness.

I can't help thinking why so many high flying, high earning, fast paced, globe trotting professionals are as lonely as they seem to be. Try looking deeper into their eyes at an airport next time, and you will see what I mean.

And then again. There are those who are superbly successful and brilliantly happy! How did that happen? Maybe, they have cracked the puzzle of the most important goals in life. I am placing my bets on being contented and happy with what they got. No wonder success and more of everything just pours into their lives!

I feel so hipped about being contented in life that I think it is an enduring fashion statement. This draining frenzy must be a fad...hopefully, it will pass.

Refreshingly old....

A few months ago, I met a couple in their late sixties who knew me since I was a kid. I was meeting them after twenty-five long years, and it was.......an utter and absolute shock! They looked as fit as a couple of fiddles can possibly look. Though much more than that they seemed happy, radiant, and at peace.

I thought of my back ache from the previous day and drowned in a generous puddle of inferiority. Are they reverse lying about their age? Nope, they couldn't be younger even if they did have a warped sense of humor to let lose on unsuspecting juniors like me. "They are indeed in their late sixties", mom whispered conspiratorially.

I heard their interesting stories, got sentimental about loss and sorrow, felt excited simply because they were excited about their five grandchildren, and smiled hugely for no reason at all the rest of the time.

Finally, I couldn't stop myself from asking the secret of their exuberant health and life. So tell me....how, what, when, how come? Their answer was as forthright as the rest of their conversations had been that evening. They stunned me with their revelation - just two years ago they weren't so healthy or happy! Mr.X couldn't get out of bed in the mornings as spondylitis made inroads into his body. And Mrs.X had vertigo and general joint pains. Most old people might pop a couple pills and pull the blanket closer around their aging bodies.

Not them. This couple did something that must have taken gallons of willpower and tons of courage. They took a decision to drive to a public park at 5:00 am and brisk walk for one solid hour. Then followed it up with five simple breathing exercises and five simple yoga asanas. And they did this every single morning. Until.....pain, discomfort, and obvious signs of aging left them for greener pastures.

That evening spent with the courageous couple has had a profound effect on me. Do I have the gumption to do what they have brilliantly done already? Is a question I have asked myself several times already. Not that I have an option but to follow in their foot steps because my wondering just wouldn't stop.

Maybe, waking up at 5:00am will help!

The secret of being happy

In the year 1996, I stumbled upon my first self-help book - 'The Power of Positive Thinking' - written by Dr.Norman Vincent Peale in 1952. Anyone here remembers it...do tell?

I was swept off of my feet by his brutally honest, heart warming, simply written, and enormously wise book. In one graceful gesture I was introduced to the world of PMA - Positive Mental Attitude!

He was a popular pastor who understood the basic craving of all mankind - to be happy! And stay happy. (I will not get into how we manage to make the "being happy" part so complicated that, by default, we create gob fulls of unhappiness! Let me leave this ripe topic for another blog, another day.)

Getting back to the point. That one tiny book had a gigantic effect on my hungry mind and raw soul. I truly began to believe in the power of positive thinking. Now in the good old days, it was tough to gather various contradictory and debatable points of view on how to be happy. I found one and I stuck with it. Before I could doubt his theory, I had already begun to implement it and the results cemented my belief in the idea of being a good and positive person.

Somewhere in the book, and this is seriously sweet, the author actually offers a numbered list of ingredients we must have in our life to ensure long-term happiness. I have no clue why, but two 'must haves' from his list stayed with me - 1) We must have a purpose in life, and 2) We must have love in our life - someone to love and someone to love us back.

Over a period of time, I read loads of self-help literature out of interest and intrigue about how the mind worked and what powers lay hidden in the infinite human potential. I got submerged in the psychology, anatomy, physiology, and management of a happy and fulfilling life. Many theories came and many went - many have gathered momentum.

Somehow, Dr. Normal Vincent Peale, and his humane and simple approach to happiness, has stuck. Without any frills or fancy - the man knew what he was talking about - and had the courage to say so. I was sold.

After fifteen years of ups and downs, of winning and losing, of knowing and doubting - those two ingredients of being happy have stood the test of time.

So I do know there is unhappiness and suffering in the world, but I also believe that the comfort of a steady purpose and the strength of love are far more potent forces. Not to mention, all that is evil and all that is good in our world, begins in the mind, anyway.

PS: Just in case http://normanvincentpeale.wwwhubs.com/

What Nirvana means to me...

I've used the big N word in the title of my very first book - 'Nirvana.' I am sure to be asked what the word means for me. I don't mind saying that the journey of writing the book taught me the real meaning of Nirvana. I don't think I knew it when I started out or even chose to name the book, 'Corporate Nirvana.'

Nirvana means for me a few simple things - to be at peace with what I have, to enjoy the present moment, to treat this day I am a part of with respect and joy in my heart. And I do feel that joy, because I am alive, able to move around and do things on my own, not have to worry about four square meals a day, and live in a house that I can call home. I feel fortunate because I have so much to be happy about and therefore, so little to crib about. I know I live in a democracy and not under slavery or destitution of any kind, so I can go about doing my business everyday with my head held high. Wouldn't you say those are a hell lot of reasons to smile and get through the day like a star!

I feel like an absolute star on a daily basis - on the inside. I have begun to understand this delicious paradox of what it means to be happy. This is my share of discovery - the more we have and get, the less likely we are to be happy and contented. Sounds downright silly. And do let me know if you grossly disagree!

That doesn't mean I say  no to the good stuff that is dropping in my lap, lets say. But when it does drop - I know for sure that that particular stroke of good fortune is not a compulsory part of my being happy that day. Even if it didn't happen, I had all that I needed to be happy on that day!

Profound stuff this. For me, that is. Taken a long time to get this far in my head.  

So, I wake up each morning, and stretch and thank God that I have everything I need today to make me insanely happy. A moment of personal Nirvana looks like that to me.