Comparison is a poor man's solace

As I placed my fingers on the keyboard to write something meaningful today, this quote took shape effortlessly in my head.  

“Comparison is a poor man's solace when he doesn’t measure up to his own standards.”

Surprisingly, I’ve heard the reverse much more than once. ‘Comparisons help us understand our own shortcomings, and pitching ourselves against more successful people is an inspiration to work harder.’

I couldn’t disagree more. It’s not just counter-intuitive, it’s unhealthy. And an expressway to lower self-esteem! We need inspiration in life – not comparisons – two very different routes to self-assessment, with dramatically varying results. 

Over the years, this has been my valuable learning. I believe with all my heart that we are genuinely unique and an exclusive piece, as it were. We are entitled to have designer dreams that are not found in replicas. So the idea of comparing ourselves with anyone else seems like a moot point.

Having a reference point that is not our own self is like walking with a blindfold on. We can’t see a situation for what it really is. A genuine self-review, driven by data, gets supplanted by our mischievous imagination. That’s definite invitation to further insecurities, and more comparisons.

Maybe, I have learned to live with myself for the better or for the worse, and by extension, not allowed comparison to take roots in my mind. I am probably in error on the other extreme; I take too much responsibility for my life and its outcomes. I compare myself to myself very often, and measure my results against the quality, or lack thereof, of my actions. This ongoing self-assessment seemed painful and unnecessarily conscientious when I was younger.

Though, over the years, I have come to greatly appreciate the hardiness of this route. The beauty of aging, with all its gifts, has mellowed my critiquing and self-assessing streak. The essence increasingly left behind is more of balance than otherwise. I now feel the confidence (having been on both sides of the argument) to trust my instincts when I know I’ve been admirably good and also when I have grossly disappointed myself.

In both cases, no permanent damage is done, thankfully. My self-comparison takes me on a guided tour of what could have been and what can be achieved. I listen with intent and move on. It never occurs to me to elevate myself in the moment by hitching my wagon to a lesser star. Or worse still, pretend that my outcomes were the best, so others must be less competent by default. That’s delusional on a different level.

I admit our insecurities have a charming way of tempting us to walk the slippery road to comparisons. We appear more competent compared to others, but maybe, end up less capable in the larger scheme of our personal growth. I can’t help wondering what kind of self-satisfaction that brings. Sadly, those of us who do make it our habit to compare and contrast ourselves with others (generally in our favor) are self-indulgent at best and irrational at worst.

Unlike popular misconception, comparisons are not necessary for our growth. Maybe, we confused that with inspiration - which is irreplaceable. Comparisons are just a poor, distant cousin.

Inspiration, on the other hand, leads to uplifting reflection, honest introspection.....and an unequaled thirst to find our best self.  

Top FIVE mental energy wasters

Here's my list of top five energy eaters and wasters. These are thoughts and actions that can leave us seriously exhausted. And take away the positive and useful energy that we need in our life everyday.

ONE: Negative Talk: Though this list is not in ranking order, thinking, feeling, speaking, and finally, acting negatively is one of the most tiring things in the world. Literally. Prolonged negativity causes stress that can release hormones that in turn exhaust us or worse still - cause illnesses. So potent are the effects of negativity on our bodies.
What can you do? The mind has doors that only you can open. Refuse to open the lock when negativity comes knocking. Be strong and divert your attention through a book, music, talking, movies, cooking, running, meditating.....anything.

TWO: Jealousy: Not just is jealousy a major waste of good energy it is a complete waste of our time. Think about it - what do we achieve anyway? Not just do we not get what the other person has, we also begin downgrading what we already have. Now that's an unfair deal.
What can you do? Write down five things you are utterly proud of in your own life. These could date back to school days even. Read the list aloud and absorb its impact on your mind and spirit. It works.

THREE: Worrying and Brooding: I read somewhere long ago that 99% of what we worry about never comes true. I tested it out and found this to be a fact. Logically, the time we waste in worrying about a hypothetical situation could have been invested in making the current situation a great one.
What can you do? Get logical about worrying. Worrying is an irrational activity - so ask yourself, what is fact and what is fiction? And what if the worst case scenario did really happen?

FOUR: Blaming: Not just others, but blaming oneself and taking too much responsibility is a draining mental activity. It creates negativity and helplessness - both of which tire us out mentally. God helps those who help themselves - is not just a spiritual thought, but a psychological one, too!
What can you do? Talk to yourself when you feel wronged before you talk to anyone else. Most probably, we do have a hand in our own pain. Once we address that with courage, others seem lesser culprits.

FIVE: Feeding Fear: Nothing blows things more out of proportion than fear. It could range from fear of losing our image to fear of losing money or health. But fear drives us like nothing else. And it also robs us of precious energy that we absolutely need to fire our imagination and passion.
What can you do? Figure out one small fear and get over it. Just one tiny one. The sense of elation is worth experiencing. That one small step makes other fears seem less towering.