Why You Must Get Over Negativity

Doesn't matter why you think it's justified to be negative, it is a show stopper and retards our progress and spoils our happiness like nothing else. Negativity makes us believe a popular lie that life might never change for the better and we are destined to keep falling from one misery into another. I will go so far as to say that negativity is a disease and it's highly contagious. Ever had someone tell you all that is negative in their life, and how that immediately triggered all kinds of negative thoughts about your own life that you had probably forgotten about? And just as well that you hadn't remembered the not so good parts of your life. It doesn't help to keep brooding on what's not right and what hurts. We already know that, so spending more time agonizing over it day and night is probably more wasteful than leaving a tap on for a day. So watch out.


The other day, I met up with a person who had told me many months ago that nothing was right in their life and they felt pessimistic, anxious, negative and angry. Upon my inquiring, they flatly told me that nothing much had changed since then. I was tempted to ask them - has your life not changed or have you not allowed it to change? Is your life unhappy or have you decided to be unhappy, because being unhappy is a lot easier and gets you sympathy? Is life really miserable or is your mindset still sick? Though I didn't ask these tempting questions, I did feel almost a physical ache of seeing someone who had allowed their mind to take over their good judgment and initiative. I also felt put off to be very frank. Negative is not inspiring. So here are my thoughts on negativity and getting over it.

I am not at all saying I am one of those unrealistic and annoying, I-am-always-happy types. On the contrary, the feelings is well known and even intimate to me. Just a few short years ago, I failed to recognize that I needed to reinvent my career, my relationship with myself and those close to me and my overall beliefs that drove me to take mediocre decisions when I could have done great instead.

I needed to master my mind than get blown about with the wind like a fallen twig that doesn't have any control over where it lands with every gust. I also realized, with considerable trepidation, that the changes I needed to make would be tough, and require a lot of guts, self-respect, strength, sustained action, not to mention, time and solid communication. Yet, I was able to move on with my own life nevertheless and the painful parts began to dissolve almost effortlessly once I knew I was in-charge of my thinking and my mind. Funnily, issues of my life just fell by the way and decided to leave me alone, once I resolutely left them alone. I then chose to make my life positive and one that inspired myself to keep doing better.

Negative emotions are strong emotions, and I needed to deal with them by creating space for the strongest emotions - those of love, affection, genuineness, peace, loyalty, happiness, excitement, passion and knowing deep down that I was doing the right things.

Let's not waste our time and energy on negativity and pessimism that erode the very basis of our existence and disrespect the fact that we were created, and given a chance to live this one life.

And because I have been there, I have also come to realize that the sooner we walk away from negativity the better off we are. Continuing to be angry is not a matter of principle, it is a sheer waste of time. There is no nobility or smartness in allowing our unhealthy thinking to take over our lives because we hit a bad patch. Everyone does. You aren't the only one. So move on. Make your life count.

Guilt is good...

I mean that. I feel it too. And it sounds like a mighty attractive title to boot!

Guilt is good. It is healthy. It is not all negative. And it is definitely not pointless. I discovered this as late as when I was in the middle of writing my first book, Corporate Nirvana. I wrote effortlessly about the secret to turning guilt into our biggest positive force. And I was a bit surprised where all the information poured onto the pages from.

Over the years of my voracious, hungry reading of books and resultant thinking, I have come to understand some tricks of my mind. But then, books don’t teach us the secrets of our mind – thinking does.

I don’t mind saying that guilt is the starting point of all that is good. It is an impartial critic whom we detest for telling the truth, but depend on for showing the way.

Till recent years ago, I spent hours and nights brooding on my decisions or lack thereof, beating myself up for hasty words and imperfect actions. Then something began to change. I began grudging the time spent in regurgitating the past. I started questioning the wisdom of finding my faults and absolving others of theirs. I am glad I felt guilty...about my guilt..!!

And this is my enlightening discovery. Guilt is the only way to begin feeling happy again. Without it, we would never discover the follies of our devilish mind. Have you discovered that unbridled confidence breeds corruption. Or that uninterrupted happiness hampers improvement. Though we are wired to be happy – regrets are meant to feel unhappy and uncomfortable. These interruptions are good. They jump start our life. We value happiness when we are unhappy, just like we crave peace when we are perturbed. Or how else would we know what we want? To me this makes complete sense.

But there’s a trick here – and a smart one at that. Guilt is like quicksand. Try too hard, and we go under faster. Let go, and we have a chance.

Here’s how guilt turns into the biggest positive force of our life. Next time you have deep, bitter regrets.....allow yourself some forgiveness and a generous distance from the past. If guilt is the protagonist of our past, hope is the determined leader of the future. Once we take this step, we begin to understand how we can set things right – or that we can’t set them right anymore – so we must let go. Like quicksand, life responds better when we aren’t thrashing about in despair.

My personal experiences have taught me the utility of feeling guilty, and that without it, we might never feel the powerful surge of motivation to set things right, or make the best of what we have today. But for guilt, we might never realize that time spent in regrets doesn’t make things right - but time invested in asking meaningful questions of our guilt, makes all the difference.

Guilt is good. So next time you find yourself there, feel at peace. Guilt has a purpose - of propelling us to progress, searching for answers, fostering forgiveness, and doggedly pursuing our best self.
  

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Three big ideas to get unstuck today...

A lot of us, including myself, have been in tough life situations where we feel completely stuck. Just the idea of putting one foot in front of the other and getting on with each day becomes so painful. And yet, nothing lasts forever.

While getting myself out of such situations, I have learned some amazing insights about my own behavior. And my guess is that I am not so unique that the same ideas can't apply to you.

Here are my 3 big ideas to get 'unstuck'.

ONE: Move from emotion to reason
In a crisis, when hundreds of things are competing to get attention in your head, it is natural to feel emotionally overwhelmed. Ask yourself one simple rational question. For eg., how would my actions change if I spent five minutes to just calm myself down or what is the best thing to do in this bad situation or how bad is this situation, really? Asking a rational question blocks the emotional part of the brain and we begin to feel less emotionally disturbed. Try it, it works.

TWO: Use the crisis scale
On a scale of 1 - 10, how bad is this crisis? Could it have been worse (gen. there is always a much worse thing that could have happened!!) Thinking of the relative value of the current situation will give you a good perspective on the larger scheme of things. You might even remember dealing with tougher times in life and overcoming them.

THREE: Every night does have a morning
No matter how bad the situation, time takes care of many things that we cannot on our own. Allow time and days to come between you and the event that disturbs you. Also, it is so important to keep in mind that life is positively wired. That is why we feel so upset when we are negative. We are made in a way that we will naturally move towards good things and positive events. Hope is the ultimate healer.

This is really my personal experience and I use these strategies to quickly get out of bad situations or bad moods, because I know there is so much to do in life. It is really not worth wasting too much time on the sad parts of life.

Being happy and being at peace are not events, they are a choice and a decision.