Ten Ways Not to Sabotage Our Own Success

Too many people live off complaining and cribbing and sharing in great detail why their life is so bad. Success is seen as something tough to achieve and more easily seen in others than in us. Therefore, we get more frustrated, more people get to hear our woes, and our mind goes deeper into the abyss of fear, despair and hopelessness that breeds more failure - proving our theory to our self that we can't win like others do.

Here are ten solid, proven tips to beat that self-defeating loop that plays in our minds and takes us away from success. Practice these for 30 days and consider this a challenge to conquer. See how life begins to be more easy, more fun and success becomes your way of life as well.

1. Stop talking about your challenges: 
Yes, there is definite value in sharing our problems so we can halve them.. But most of us unwittingly become 'serial complainers' without even realizing it. We share our complaints and failure and all our petty and big challenges with anyone who cares to listen. What we are doing is embedding in our mind a sentence that says, 'My life is hopeless, I will never make it.' The mind is an obedient servant - rest assured it gives us exactly what we made it believe. So quit cribbing and quit sharing problems with everyone you meet.

2. Develop mental strength:
Mental strength and resilience breaks down every time we give in to worry and anxiety over issues like - am I falling sick, why is my left side hurting since two days, why did that person give me a stern look, why didn't I get appreciated today, what if I can't gather that much money in time, why can't I lose weight, why am I so lazy...and on and on. 99.99% of what we worry about never really happens. Life is dynamic and we aren't smart enough to predict it, so let go. Listen to music, watch a funny TV show, go for a walk, have a cup of tea and look out the window, read a book, watch a movie, mingle with a friend or neighbour, and get to a doctor if you really feel sick. Bottom line - do something constructive, don't just sit and think. Divert your mind, and insulate yourself from petty worries.

3. Quit comparing yourself with others:
How does it matter if the next person earns more than us, lives in a better home, has a better life, is more good looking and takes more vacations in an year? All of this might be true - but how does it help us? Quick answer - it doesn't help us at all to compare ourselves with others. Too many of us confuse inspiration and comparison. If looking at others leaves you feeling unsuccessful, incomplete and negative - then you just compared yourself unfairly. Your life is yours, it will never be exactly like another's. The important question is - do you believe your life can't be the same as someone else's, but it can be unique and absolutely smashing as well? If you can't believe that, you are in deep trouble. Quit comparing, begin believing in yourself and your capacity to succeed.

4. Stop feeling depressed and hopeless:
Quickly recognize your own tendency if you catch yourself sleeping too much, eating too much, putting on weight, feeling irritable often, losing patience with others, turning into a bad listener, losing interest in all activities and finding yourself being alone and broody. All these are signs of stress, hopelessness and despair. Some of us begin thriving on these feelings because they get us a lot of attention and sympathy, and we can manipulate our way out of certain relationship situations. This is not a good place to be, and the best part is that we all can get out of it even in a day's time if we just decide to. Take a decision that you will make an extra effort to be happy and upbeat about life and do what ever it takes to feel at peace. Success doesn't come near those who are hopeless and act like victims- guaranteed.

5. Avoid taking too much advice: 
When we are deeply perturbed and restless no amount of wise advice works. Instead, we get indecisive and more restless as we battle between options that we don't fully understand. Work out your own confusion the best you can, then seek advice at the right time when you are peace. Advice and counsel helps when we have some clarity and peace of mind. Stop chasing the idea that others can solve our problems. They rarely can - you are your own best bet.

6. Don't feel guilty about chasing your dreams:
Chasing our dreams is a gift we all have from nature. We have an equal right to find our dreams and purpose, and feel happy with our achievements. It is a given that none of us want to be irresponsible or selfish, so let's not worry too much about that. Remember, you can't make everyone happy at the same time. So quit trying and stressing yourself out. Do things for yourself and get into the habit of giving yourself importance and love and attention as you give it to others around you. Sacrifice is to be used sparingly in life and generally backfires.

7. Get clarity and take a decision on what you want:
Funny that a lot of us who crib about life are not 100% sure what exactly it is that we are expecting from life. What kind of home, car, vacations, family life, wardrobe, infrastructure, career do we want and desire? If we can develop great clarity we stop wasting our time talking about what we don't have and get excited about what we can achieve. Clarity works like magic. Don't be afraid to dream big, it's your dream, and as long as you are crystal clear what you want, you are likely to get it exactly as you envisioned it.

8. Become a doer, be an action hero:
We all love a movie where the hero saves the world and overcomes all odds. We all love a hero. Then why is it so tough to be one? Because it takes getting up from in front of the TV, computer, chair, sofa, car to actually go and do something about our lives. Superman doesn't fly in through the window, sadly. Make it your agenda to do 5 things daily that bring you closer to your goals. Just this tiny trick can get you massive results. Try it out...begin acting on your good thoughts and solid plans. Be a doer, worship action, get over your fear, laziness, doubt and suspicion and just act on your goals. Be your own action hero.

9. Don't wait for tangible rewards to feel motivated:
As you do your daily 5 actions to get close to your goals, rewards might be seen on some days and not seen on others. Keep at it, don't stop, don't slow down, don't think too much, don't discuss and dissect why you can't see them. Just keep taking action if you are sure you are going as per your plan and all is well with your goals. Momentum has to build to give us rewards that finally will become tangible, quick and numerous. We need to hold on tight and keep the faith until that happens. Never turn around in doubt and never look back. Keep up the self-motivation that fuels success.

10. Believe in yourself when no one does:
It is hugely disappointing when someone gives you a disbelieving look after you've shared all your goals and dreams with them. You instantly see their look and begin suspecting your own competence and capability to succeed. Accept that this will happen in life, and so become your biggest believer and fan. Keep yourself focused on what you want and keep at it no matter how many others feel you can't do it. If you don't believe in yourself, not much chance anyone else will.

Do share if you have another nugget that you think can be added to this list.

To your success always. 

In defense of desperation

Late yesterday night, I was lying in bed and about to doze off when a thought struck me, and I knew I had to write it down before I forgot it in the morning. That thought was about the advantages of being desperate. This morning, like a sad coincidence, I heard that Steve Jobs had passed away. What I wrote seems to be a fitting tribute to this great man. This is what I penned down last night...

In my observation of countless people, and myself, I strongly believe that a halfhearted and lethargic pursuit of a goal is the same thing as not pursuing that goal at all. The consequences of both approaches are the same. Neither lead anyplace worth going to. 

There is no life to any goal until it is liberally laced with a hefty dose of deep desire and urgency. If you naturally feel like that about any ambition you have, then you are very likely to achieve it against all odds and in a shockingly short time. My experience has taught me that deep desire + urgency = good desperation. 

Think about it, what is the point of wanting something if we didn’t want it badly enough? That which is worth achieving is also worth getting desperate and urgent about. If our goals are ethical, meaningful, and worth running after then why wait? That kind of desperation is good desperation. 

Observe in your own life and of those around you – ambition that wanders about in varying degrees of wishful thinking dies an untimely death. Indifference breeds mediocrity and failure. Realizing our aspirations takes much more than that. 

I am reminded of an ancient story about Socrates, the renowned Greek philosopher. A young man once approached the master and asked if he could teach him wisdom. Socrates took the young man to a nearby stream, and pushed his head under water. He held the man down until he was desperate to breathe air, at that moment, Socrates released his head. The man came up gasping for a breath of air. Socrates looked at him keenly and said that the young man needed ‘that’ kind of desperation to learn wisdom. The day he felt that desperation, he would acquire wisdom on his own. The same principle applies to so many things in our life. 

In similar vein, many years ago, I desperately wanted to get out of my immediate circumstances and step out of India to meet people of other cultures, to learn from my travels, and work outside. It was an impossible dream for me in so many ways. Yet, the thought refused to budge, and I relentlessly pursued it in my mind until one day, by sheer chance, I happened to find a perfect opportunity. Within months I was living my goal. Honestly, I don’t think it was my talent or a special gift that helped me live my dream; it was the desperation with which I felt the need to fulfill my deep desire that did it. A deep desire combined with mental urgency helped me see an opportunity that I would have otherwise missed for sure. Our highest success rests on how badly we want to succeed, not just talent and intelligence.  

If we want to genuinely get to any place worthwhile in life, let’s be desperate to get there. Let’s charge up our passion and put out our best self for the world to see. We only have so long to live this life. Might as well get moving today...

I can’t help ending this piece with a stunning insight from Steve Jobs – a legend while he lived – a rare honor in life. 

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything -- all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. ... Stay hungry. Stay foolish." - Steve Jobs

Commencement Address by Steve Jobs to Stanford students, 2005 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc&feature=share

Five ways to be an extraordinary person

The best way I can define extraordinary is this.They are people who get it right. Not just do they succeed in their purpose, but enjoy the fruits of it. They seem to live a good life without getting hassled. They are poised and prepared for success. And their success is meaningful.

We all know that one person we think is living an extraordinary life. But that is someone else. How about you and me? Can you become that extraordinary person?

Here are my five ways to become an extraordinary person. I do my share of all of this everyday. You could start today - literally.

1. BELIEVE: Self-doubt and extraordinary never go together. If you have any doubt that you can't become extraordinary, your journey got tough right away. I recommend that we have more belief in our abilities and talents than sounds reasonable, even to us. What might be the results if you believed in yourselves more than anyone else around does or can? Extraordinary people have a huge amount of belief that they are capable of achieving great success.

2. BE PASSIONATE: Have you noticed that those you look up to seem to enjoy everything they do? Here is the secret. They do what they love to do...consciously and consistently. They really LIVE their life! The best way to be passionate about your work and life is to do what you enjoy doing. Doing things for money alone never works. Extraordinary people attract money by loving what they do.

3. FORGIVE: Seriously. Ordinary people waste precious time and energy holding grudges and remembering past hurts. And settling their scores. Walking with baggage slows us down. Extraordinary people understand the importance of feeling energetic and positive everyday. Let the past go, so it can let you go. Make room for your future success.

4. CHOOSE WELL: Just because we get a tempting offer for work, for a partner, for money, or for an opportunity does not mean it is the right thing for us. Choose well. Choose carefully. Extraordinary people take up meaningful projects that resonate with their best strengths and deepest desires. That is how they craft a life of their choice. Choices make up our life. So choose smartly.

5. FINISH: Generally, we are great beginners and poor finishers. Many opportunities that can make our life extraordinary languish in the background as we forget to close the loop on them. Or just get distracted by the pressures of life. Finish what you begin. Get into the discipline of completion. There's less competition there. Extraordinary people know that what gets finished is what gets results.

As with all meaningful things in life, becoming extraordinary is not an overnight task. It takes some time and discipline. Conscious commitment though can turn our life around. What is extraordinary is what gets noticed in our busy world today. Feel free to begin today!

The value of dumb ideas

There was an interesting phase in my life when I wanted to become a newscaster. These were the days when local/ city cable networks were all the rage. It's just that in my case, we are talking about a slightly dodgy and decidedly uninspiring cable network that had a weird name.

Back then this was a way out ambition, but Dad being the man he was rooted for his daughter to become the next big thing on TV. (Irrespective of what teenagers think, I always knew there was a higher purpose God gave us parents. Really.)

To my shock, the channel took me on. I had the world at my feet....that is, until I laid eyes on the news content. So we had cows creating a traffic jam on one of our arterial roads up against the amount of pot holes that were threatening to become craters. The animated debate was about which news was headline worthy. Mercifully, we hadn't been introduced to 'breaking news' back then - or I might have quit on day one.

I was disappointed that we didn't have a rotten scam or a sensational jail break to report - and that cows weren't quite my thing. I read some news anyway, while they showed random mucky footage of the city. Next day, Dad asked me to be better dressed if I wanted to enter the media industry and learn from our Door Darshan (India's beloved national channel) newscasters who were spiffy at all times. Hmm....he had a point. So, I got decked up the next day and read some more irrelevant stuff. My father's bravado lasted longer than me at the TV channel.

As I walked out on my short-lived media stint I realized something tremendous that has permanently stayed with me. I guess Dad always knew the fate of this particular idea. Yet he saw how much I believed in it, and supported me without a moment's hesitation. In his wisdom he knew it wasn't the idea that was important, but my passion was worth protecting.

So when someone tells me about an uninspiring brain wave, I choose to support their passion. Ideas come and go. Passion is rare.

Step 6 - Becoming Super Leaders - Be entrepreneurial

STEP 6: Be Entrepreneurial and not just an Employee

We've all been there. Feeling like cogs in the wheel and wondering when the day would end, so we could go home and do more enjoyable stuff.

The Challenge: Being entrepreneurial at work is often misunderstood to be an oxymoron. If I had to be entrepreneurial, I mean, why would I want to do it for someone else's co.? Good question.

The Key: Being entrepreneurial is more a mind-set than a set of actions alone. What we do is very important, but what we think is utterly critical.

3 Practical Ideas:
Make it personal: The moment we focus our energy and our reasoning on our team, our boss, or the organization - we have squandered our power and resources. What makes work feel like our own is when we let ourselves be the key person driving our career. And one bad appraisal shouldn't change that dramatically! Entrepreneurship begins in the mind. Make your work something to cherish. A work of art, something you can take real pride in.

Be Passionate: What's work without a healthy dollop of passion. What helps you immensely with tip no. one is to feel that passion for doing a great job. Mind you, am  not asking you to be passionate about your co. or every HR policy ever made. What level of excellence can you contribute to your team's objectives? Say no to shoddy work and do what you do so well that your boss and your boss's boss has to sit up and take notice. Now that's acting like an entrepreneur because those who toe the line never get noticed. Believe me.

Show Results: When you run your own enterprise, there is a hunger to make things happen. What can you do at work that will show results? Take a paper and a pen and note down the 'useless' parts of your everyday work. Think of how you can waste the least amount of time on them. What are the real 'high value' and 'high impact' parts of your work - and how can you focus on them more? Results speak volumes. The rest becomes easy.

Once you act more like an owner of your work and less like a paid employee to get to someplace vague, life will change. But more importantly, how others treat you will change dramatically. Are you up to the challenge?

Coming up next: Step 7: Forge unimaginable tie-ups with competitors