Too good to be true?

I really want to share this personal story with you today. A recent encounter with an ordinary, but decidedly ‘extraordinary’ person restored my faith once again in the goodness of our world. I reminded myself that the planet is not as unhappy and broken-up as television news would have us believe.  

I recently attended a program to update my knowledge and skills. The very first morning, I got a phone call on my mobile from a fellow participant who was put up in the same hotel as I. She called me up to ask if I was doing okay considering it was close to the training time, and I hadn’t appeared so far. I was surprised at her concern, and politely said I was on my way. Meanwhile, I wondered how did she even get my number, and then realized almost immediately that she had taken the trouble to note it down from the information mail we had got from the organization. Let me admit with some embarrassment that my first thought was – why does she have to call me, as if I am not responsible enough to get to the training on time? I think that was just me being over cautious when I am traveling alone, and surrounded by strangers. I cringe to think that I thought of her like that. Because, since then, she has not just entered my ‘best friend circle’ already, but she is one of the most amazing human beings I have met so far.

Over the next three days of being together in close confines, and seeing each other feel vulnerable and triumphant by turns during the course, I saw that she was as genuine as they come. It was evident to everyone that her goodness, though unbelievable at first, was true in every possible way. I caught myself just staring at her at times, wondering how a person could be that thoughtful, pure-hearted, so amazingly articulate, and extremely smart as her – in a world that is increasingly chaotic? Does she not get affected by the madness around like most of us do? I guess not.

Believe me when I say that I spent one-third of my entire study time just talking to her and enjoying her company. The feeling was mutual, which was fortunate for me. We talked, laughed, patted each other on the back, shared life stories, encouraged each other to do our best, and consoled each other when we goofed-up. Through all of it, what struck me was her inner strength and wisdom that refused to get affected by our circumstances - come what may. I find that such a wonderful place to be.

After a long time, I personally met someone who is so good that I want to be like them. I felt the same when I met my husband for the first time, and I learn from him every day. This trip reminded me again that it is so important to have someone in our close circle of friends and family that keeps us on the positive path. We all need people who can continue to prove that life is beautiful because they choose to look for beauty and love around them.

As I was making my way back to my home, this is what I thought. Just like thousands of years ago, we still have the good, the bad, and the ugly in our world. So, our current times are not that different or unique. It is what we choose to focus on, decide to partner with, and persist in pursuing that ultimately defines each one of us. Maybe, because there is such media attention on evil and unrest in our world, we back off in disbelief from embracing absolute goodness when we encounter it.

I can’t help wonder if we are turning resistant to the idea of being nicer, more thoughtful, and enviably good people because we aren’t sure if that much goodness will find a place in our disturbing times. On the other hand, my recent encounter with this stunningly good person points to the fact that – goodness and love alone survive when all else is lost.

I strongly believe that good people are all around us, they are in abundance and everywhere. Maybe, we need to have goodness inside us to attract goodness outside us. Finally, we attract whatever we believe in. So, let’s believe in goodness ourselves, and hold on tightly when we find it in others. This was possibly my bigger learning during my study time.

What lies beyond confidence?

My life experiences so far would make for a pretty skyline, what with the mighty highs and sudden lows, gentle slopes, and at times, steep descents – all with a purpose, nothing wasted, all leading to the depths of self-belief. 

Only recently, and with the tugging of age, have I begun to explore the seductive depths of self-belief. For many years, belief meant to me – confidence. In many ways, I was right and still am, though that’s just one dimension of belief. Confidence helps belief get noticed – it’s the visible part. 

When I stretched my potential and ventured into unfamiliar and untested territory, confidence proved inadequate. Realizing my deeper potential is hard work. Only I know what I am capable of, because only I can look within and see it, only I have the power to pluck it out of its hiding place. 

And in doing so, I discovered that beyond confidence – lies certainty – the certainty of knowing myself, of being aware of my deepest beliefs, of having gone the length and breadth of my own being.  Certainty brings with it a sense of security, a groundedness that confidence can exude, but not necessarily generate. To reach this rock solid place, we need to deepen our faith in ourselves. 

As I journey within myself, more so with the passage of time, I find greater evidence in favor of being outrageously original. To stand up in the face of what’s popular and have the courage to walk in the opposite direction, if that’s what I feel certain I should do. Not to be a non-conformist for the sake of it, but to conform to my own true self. That kind of certainty is foolish to ignore. Following the herd, on the other hand, is a greater folly. 

I have come to believe that going beyond confidence also demands knowing our craft with the precision of a trapeze artist, who (knows and) performs a perfect and complex mid-air swap that looked impossible, and enthrall us. We might never see her again, but we will talk about her art for years – and we’ll remember her name. They say the best kind of publicity is word-of-mouth. That’s because we wouldn’t waste our breath pushing another’s cause if the person wasn’t worth it. What we do for others without a motive comes from the certainty of knowing that the other person was superbly good. 

In this spirit then, whatever be our industry of work, the depth of knowing our craft is directly proportionate to the certainty with which we present it to our audience. And knowing our craft requires that we know our self first. Beyond any marketing strategy and the temporary sense of confidence it provides, is the certainty of knowing ourselves and our work. Nothing tops this kind of advertising.

Beyond confidence lies magic. It sprinkles our talents, strengths and our work with the divine. There is nothing quite like that which springs forth from the depths of self-belief. It can weave magic in the minds of who ever your audience might be. The magic is unique, like our thumb print, no other quite the same. In every era, and every economic phase - originality is a big ticket to big success. 

To help our original, true self to emerge, I feel, it is best not to focus too hard on what works for others. What works for them is their own magic. Maybe, our magic is yet to be uncovered from the depths of our potential. When we discover our deepest self and our real worth with certainty, the magic begins.

How to act on your dreams!

Isn't it a wonderful feeling to dream of achieving something spectacular, something big and significant.

To have all eyes looking at us and admiring our achievement. I think, it takes an unusual person to not dream of big goals and big success. All of us do, I think, in our own way. It's just that we don't always openly share our biggest dreams with anyone. In fact, we hardly admit them as serious thoughts even to ourselves. It feels silly! Funnily, a major success or a thrilling achievement looks more credible and doable on others than us.

If this thought has crossed your mind, don't believe it even for a minute. The truth is, the great stuff that happens to people we admire and look up to could be happening to us in just a few short months or an year. Really...that soon! You see, how far behind we are on our dreams is not proportionate to the time it will take to catch up with them. Dreams can become reality pretty quickly. And I say this from absolute first-hand experience.

But before that, let me ask. Have you noticed how people less qualified, less intelligent, less talented, less supported, and less financially fortunate continue to achieve their dreams while a lot of times, we aren't able to do the same? Isn't it puzzling how that keeps happening around us on a regular basis? I hope we all understand something here - the above laundry list of qualifications are not 'the most' important things to achieve our dreams.

So, what are these 'other' successful, brilliant, extraordinary people doing that we aren't doing?

Here's a revelation, after watching and speaking with numerous successful people - I found out that they do three significant things. First, they turn their dream into a solid, well articulated GOAL. Second, they BELIEVE in that goal without feeling self-conscious or embarrassed about their goal, and third, they take ACTION! Above and beyond any other ingredient of success, they focus with all their energy on what can they DO to get to that goal.

Many of us believe that having enough money to realize our goal is the most important and first condition. Wrong. Money comes later, much later. Clarity and belief come first! These lead to action right away. We then find surprising avenues to fund our goal or bump into someone at an event who is interested in funding us or any number of weird cross connections help us solve the money problem. There's just one condition.... everything follows....clarity, belief and action.

How does anyone know which actions need to be taken? It is amazing how you get that clarity once you begin thinking hard about your goal. Just the other day, I was thinking about the content of my second book. What should it be about? I realized that creative thoughts refused to come by while I did other stuff, and thought about my second book as a second priority.

I at once left what ever I was doing, and sat down with a brand new notebook and my favorite pen in a quiet corner of my home. I had no idea what I was going to write on those blank pages, but I was confident that once I focused all my positive energy into figuring out my exact goal - I would know what to write.

Lo and behold, something amazing happened within the next half an hour. Promising ideas began to pour out of me, and one inspiring thought led to another. Before I knew, I had outlined two books instead of one. The more I pondered on one idea, the more insights came to me. And here is the best part, as my goal began to clarify in my mind, I automatically started to realize what actions could take me closer to my goal. I now know what I need to do to make my second book a physical reality, and bring it out of the realm of dreams. That is the power of thought! All it took was half an hour of focus.

If I can do this, then why can't any one of you? I don't have a brilliant academic record, I don't know important people in important places, and I have no extra special qualifications than any of you. In fact, at times I wonder if I have too many qualifications, all of which are not even useful! I am an ordinary person with a gigantic amount of belief that anything that I deeply wish for will happen in my life. I live and thrive on that belief. And that makes me take my dreams very seriously and with as much love and honor as I would take any one else's dream if they shared it with me.

So, here is a weekend challenge for anyone who stops by and has read this to the end :) Invest this weekend in searching for that one dream inside of you that refused to leave your conscious thought. Write down your dream in 1-2 lines max. Ponder on it in a quiet place until you can write it down as a goal now - complete with your purpose, end result and time-frame. Then, believe with all your heart. Lastly, list down at least 3 - 4 actions that you know you can take right away!

Take up this challenge and make your weekend count! Loads of good luck and have fun! :)

The power of disbelief...

Something I read last night reminded me of the power of disbelief. We just have to believe that 'the impossible is possible' in our life, and the power of disbelief comes into action.

When your mind or others tell you that you can't become someone dramatically better than who you are today - just go ahead and disbelieve.

In early 2003 I happened to be passing through the lobby of a five star hotel that I hardly had the money to visit. But as luck would have it, I was there. A bulletin board caught my attention - The Rotary International's city chapter was inviting applications for their Group Study Exchange program to send four lucky people for FOUR WEEKS TO THE USA & CANADA all expenses paid!!! The eligibility was to be a young professional and a non-Rotarian ....everything else seemed to be a matter of subjective choice of the judging panel.

I had never stepped out of India. My mind rapidly reasoned that I could be as ineligible as I had the chances to be entirely eligible!! That got me thinking...and thank God I stuck with the latter choice. Because I did clear three rounds of interviews and spent a superb, eye-opening four weeks abroad meeting countless wonderful people, clarifying my career goals, developing as a person, and making presentations about India.

I wouldn't be exaggerating if I said that that one month changed the course of my life and my career.

It is human nature that we tend to disbelieve the positive and believe the negative. Our minds are wired to capture and ponder on the negative. It takes extra effort, a conscious conditioning, and just an ounce of self-belief to do the opposite. To negate the negative and focus with all our attention on the positive. Not tough at all and tremendously rewarding to boot.

So, next time you hear from within or without that you can't be superbly successful, become a millionaire, or achieve greatness in your life. Do go ahead...... and disbelieve with all your might.

There is enormous power in believing in yourself and disbelieving in the opinions of others and our environment. Limitations are real only as long as we hold on to them.

Just go ahead...and boldly disbelieve. Then see the magic unfold.