10 confounding dilemmas about Twitter

It's been more than an year that I joined the mysterious gaggle of - tweeple. If I had known this before signing up for Twitter, I might have thought a bit harder about the whole thing.

But there I was, stepping nervously into twitterverse and twittering right along with tweeple. And never were 140 characters more alluring. Though, stringing together 140 meaningful characters...including spaces...really challenged me intellectually!

One year down the line - I am still figuring this out.

Here go my top 10 confounding dilemmas about Twitter....

1) 'Who am I on Twitter?' - is a more weighty existential question than for example - 'What was I thinking?' Don't look at me, I haven't got that far. Wait...I read this somewhere. If I am on Twitter - I must be a Twit. I think Nietzsche just turned in his grave.

2) Why are we on Twitter? I would say to be heard by others about every little pot hole that my car bounced over and landed with a thud. I can tweet even before I land! That way, it's fresh, and it can be accommodated in 140 characters...including spaces.

3) Who follows us on Twitter? Exactly my sentiments - what kind of people follow strangers, huh? I think there are bots following each other posing as real people. It's not possible for real people to constantly ask questions, answer questions, make comments, and observations - all in 140 characters - including spaces.

4) Why do they follow us on Twitter? The answer is - it's all a conspiracy. They follow you not because they like you. But because you are supposed to follow them back! Took me a whole year to get this straightened out after everyone started 'un-following' me post following me for two days. Meanwhile, I developed a complex that maybe, my 140 didn't make the cut! Too many spaces, I think.

5) How do you increase followers? By constantly retweeting their ruddy tweets. It's almost extortion. If you don't do it, they won't follow you. Even if you are following them, keeping in mind rule no. 4 above.

6) How to get retweeted? Two ways. One, by making ponderous observations of the world around us, or if you ran short of original thoughts, cut-pasting famous quotes. Two, by pleading with celebs (twits with a higher quotient) to 'please, please' retweet them. And celebs actually do. I need to rethink the 'higher quotient' part.

7) What is a Twitter achievement? Being in touching distance of Justin Beiber's Twitter followers. Or reaching a personal milestone...for example, I felt elated when my followers became two from zero. I keep my expectations low, that way you get less twi-pressed.

8) When to un-follow others? As soon as the twit in question begins indiscriminately retweeting whom they follow. They are playing the field to get more followers, while I get swamped with random tweets on how to avoid indigestion (in 140 characters, if you can believe that). Un-follow immediately.

9) What are we achieving by being on Twitter? That is one of the more deep questions for this blog. I seriously don't know. I think it is a special platform for all of us when we don't know what else to do in life. I always say, it is so important to know our goals in life. That can prevent us tweeting. Really.

10) Who is reading our tweets? That is the worst part. I don't think anyone is!!! They are all too busy tweeting themselves. There is a conflict of interest in reading others' tweets. It can scramble our brains if we do. And we can lose out on our next 140-characters-gem-of-wisdom.

Last bit. I read this sign somewhere. It said - "In case of fire, tweet later, get out of the building first." I rest my case.

The difficulty of being good...

There is a decided difficulty to being a good person and showing goodness to others. And it doesn't matter if the scriptures and self-help books consider this an important part of the big life picture. Unfortunately, life works a bit differently, you'll see how. Read on.

Very importantly, all that is good is not necessarily easy to implement. In fact, the crappy and irrelevant is generally a breeze. To make matters more frustrating, and the point more poignant, in my opinion.

So, what is the difficulty of being good? Well, in my observation and experience - there are four specific ones.

First, if you are good, but the rest aren't. Now being and behaving good is anyway a tough call, but to end up being the lone ranger is even tougher. The other person is not mean, but just....oblivious. What we do or don't is all up to us, and the others couldn't care less either way. They might be as unmoved if were un-good.

Second, you are good, but the other person is mean and nasty. These are tough and complicated nuts to crack. Not just are you bearing the cross of goodness on your shoulders you are bearing the brunt of an unpalatable person whom you should never have spoken to, to begin with. There are two counts of frustration here. One, to not find reciprocation, which hurts, and second, of utter lack of good judgment on your part. So you end up feeling worse.

Third, you are good, but you don't feel like being good. Goodness sometimes can be a matter of mood - for some people. On good days goodness comes by easy. But how does one deal with a bad mood day in a goodness-worthy situation? This is a direct conflict and generally ends in personal stress and erosion of your public image if you let words wander too far from your intention.

Fourth, and the last, when you are good...and still get flak for it. This is a specially tricky one to deal with (or respond to). You are goodness personified on most days out of 365 (that's an awesome track record, btw) and yet people around you find your motives suspect. They call you a 'saint' or a 'good image manager' and heap obvious sarcasm on your good intentions. I don't have an answer for this one (not that I had one for the others).

In conclusion, I have figured out something on these lines. It is a mistake to be good for other people's sake. It just doesn't go down right - trust me, I've tried. The wretched thing only works when you are good for your own sake. Because that's what feels right inside. Because that's how you can sleep in peace at night. And because that's what makes you smile if you caught your reflection in a mirror. Goodness for the sake of being good works. Only then, in fact.

Now why didn't someone, for the love of God, say that to me right at the beginning.

The magic of pen and paper

A few days ago, I had the privilege to show my gratitude to three amazing people I know professionally.

I did what I have become accustomed to doing, and has sadly become my second nature. I began to type on my computer a 'thank you' mail. Two things happened in quick succession - I couldn't string even three heartfelt sentences and when I read my impoverished mail I felt nothing!

Everything about my email felt uneasily still...no feelings stirred when I read my own lines and gratitude seemed like one more thing I could tick off on my burgeoning list of professional 'to dos'.

It took no effort at all to know what was wrong. I realized, before my computer became second nature, paper and pen had already been loyal companions for long years. Though, I sought them after ages, like old friends, they came to the rescue.

As my fingers curled over the pen, something beautiful happened. With stunning ease the words flowed, and the writer in me heaved a sigh of relief. Gratitude had finally found its transport and happily jumped on. I wrote three separate letters that evening. Each unique from the other. An opportunity lost with the faceless cut and paste.

Felt the thrill of 'real' writing after years. Not the least of which is neatly folding a letter and slipping it snug in its envelope, then flipping it over and carefully writing the address, and finally, making the effort to post it. Hoping on way back that it reaches safely. The delay of its reaching and the wait for its response has an unparalleled excitement in our world of communication.

An email is too swift to savor all the ups and downs of communication, and brings back a reply too quick to tempt anticipation.

I might be writing more letters now. And I hope I get some, too. It's been so long since I expectantly peered into my mail box to see the glimpse of a white envelope with my name on it.

Three big ideas to get unstuck today...

A lot of us, including myself, have been in tough life situations where we feel completely stuck. Just the idea of putting one foot in front of the other and getting on with each day becomes so painful. And yet, nothing lasts forever.

While getting myself out of such situations, I have learned some amazing insights about my own behavior. And my guess is that I am not so unique that the same ideas can't apply to you.

Here are my 3 big ideas to get 'unstuck'.

ONE: Move from emotion to reason
In a crisis, when hundreds of things are competing to get attention in your head, it is natural to feel emotionally overwhelmed. Ask yourself one simple rational question. For eg., how would my actions change if I spent five minutes to just calm myself down or what is the best thing to do in this bad situation or how bad is this situation, really? Asking a rational question blocks the emotional part of the brain and we begin to feel less emotionally disturbed. Try it, it works.

TWO: Use the crisis scale
On a scale of 1 - 10, how bad is this crisis? Could it have been worse (gen. there is always a much worse thing that could have happened!!) Thinking of the relative value of the current situation will give you a good perspective on the larger scheme of things. You might even remember dealing with tougher times in life and overcoming them.

THREE: Every night does have a morning
No matter how bad the situation, time takes care of many things that we cannot on our own. Allow time and days to come between you and the event that disturbs you. Also, it is so important to keep in mind that life is positively wired. That is why we feel so upset when we are negative. We are made in a way that we will naturally move towards good things and positive events. Hope is the ultimate healer.

This is really my personal experience and I use these strategies to quickly get out of bad situations or bad moods, because I know there is so much to do in life. It is really not worth wasting too much time on the sad parts of life.

Being happy and being at peace are not events, they are a choice and a decision.

Flipkart: Corporate Nirvana available online

My debut book is finally released in India!!!!!!

Very happy and looking forward to it's September first week launch event in Delhi, India. More details on that soon.

Corporate Nirvana can be bought within India on Flipkart. Do check it out.

Here's goes the link http://www.flipkart.com/books/9380227856

And I will be a very happy and grateful author if you can please leave a review of the book on Flipkart once you've read it. I really wish that readers will enjoy my first book. :-)

It will be making its way to key stores in India like Crossword and Landmark by Aug 8. If you wish to ask me any information about the book or where to find it in stores, do leave a comment and I shall respond.

PS: The book will get listed on Amazon in a month's time. I will post here once that happens.

Thanks a ton,
Sonali

The disease of being busy...

What is it with people saying, 'I am busy' in response to all manner of questions.

Let's meet up for dinner. Yeah, lets see, I am really busy.

So, did you watch that movie? Nope, been really busy.

Why don't you get to the doc? Can't, I am busy.

I think some people should get to a doctor pronto because saying 'I am busy' is a disease. And it seems to be contagious. Really. Like a mental affliction that makes us believe we have zero time available to do meaningful things in life. Or fun things, for that matter. Busy people are also innately boring people. That is why they can stand to be so busy at work. See.

So what is humanity so busy with? You might ask. Well, going to work, working, coming  back from work...and repeating the above cycle. That should amount to a good explanation. Especially, for those who see work as a worthy cause to be perpetually busy instead of a means to an end - read - having enough resources to watch movies, meet friends for a drink, go on vacations to exotic places, and shop till you drop.

Okay, some of that is a bit of exaggeration just for fun. But seriously speaking, I have come to intensely dislike people telling me on chat, on phone, on sms, on email, and in person...that they are very busy.

Just puttering around all day at work keeps us busy. Ask yourself how many hours of meaningful, real value-adding, customer dazzling work did you do today? What did you do today that will get you a great appraisal and a possible hike and a much awaited promotion?? Now that is worth being busy over.

Being busy all the time generally means we are mismanaging our time - not being organized, not delegating smartly, not preparing for the week, not keeping commitments, and not being smart in general - that keeps us busy and running around.

The most successful....rich....prominent professionals in the world repeatedly declare in their interviews - that they have time because they are super organized, disciplined, and work smartly. They are never too busy for the important things in life. Are we listening??

Let me see how many days I can count off on my fingers before I hear that wretched phrase -I am busy - again! Cross my heart I'll not be saying it myself.

One of a piece....

God must have enjoyed his little joke, I am sure, when he gave us a will and an intellect to be anyone we wished to be - even two different versions of ourselves if we so desired. One that speaks well depending on what they stand to gain and a second that speaks ill depending on how little they have to lose.

Then the creator quietly allowed us to discover that we are one of a piece. We'll never be decimals, his math is unique. Who we are on the inside is who we must become on the outside. Here he reserved the right to exercise his will.

For the smarter amongst our kind it takes many layers to be peeled for that real self to tumble out. Often it is a rusty, dusty, and a tarnished version of what the maker must have intended it to be. But it bravely hangs in there by the skin of its teeth, hoping one day its companion will realize God's little prank. Of giving us everything, and then leaving us little choice - to be nothing but ourselves.

And yet, we labor on to be that which we are not. All in vain ultimately.

Our mind can never excel in hiding that which our fellow men are gifted in uncovering. Because He never intended to involve intelligence in the finer aspects of his handy work. The most enduring and pristine parts of his creation are molded in instinct and nature. And there integrity, gratitude, goodness, and oneness prevail.

So near yet so far....and certainly never within the grasp of anyone who can't figure out that the joke's on us!

Top SIX Strategies for Goal Achievement

Life would be meaningless if we weren't gunning for something. And that something wouldn't be worth much if it wasn't worth our genuine passion and desire.

So what do you desire for? What do you want above and beyond everything? Are you ready to work single-mindedly for that which you absolutely desire to achieve? And most importantly - what are you ready to sacrifice to make that something appear in you your life?

TOP SIX STRATEGIES for Goal Achievement 

1) DECIDE: Like the Cheshire cat famously said in 'Alice in Wonderland', 'if you don't know where you are going, then it doesn't really matter which way you go.' To declare, I want a million dollars, is not a real goal. Seriously. Write down on paper - "I have a million dollars in my bank account". Read it aloud when you are alone and undisturbed, and ask yourself if this excites you. You might be surprised that just having a money goal is not as exciting as knowing how strongly you want it and what life would become if you had it. Get into the skin of your goal. Decide on your goal without a shred of doubt or embarrassment.

2) ABSORB: Are you single-mindedly focusing on those one million dollars every morning, night, and every moment you can spare? If not then your subconscious is not listening. And it is imperative for it to listen for those one million to appear in physical reality. We give way too much credit to our conscious living life. The key to goals is at the subconscious level. The conscious mind obeys the latter. Convince yourself that you deserve to own that much money, and convincing anyone else will be easy.

3) IMAGINE & FEEL: Once you are convinced of your goal, then allow yourself to imagine and feel all the feelings you would if your goal had appeared in your life. What would be your lifestyle? What kind of house would you own? Where would you vacation? Which car would you drive? Go into as many details of all the above and more as you can. Don't just think about it. Feelings are powerful motivators. Much more than thoughts. Feel your goal.

4) LIVE: If you did have that kind of money, would  you behave differently? You might be more generous to others and courteous to your family. Or fight and blame less because you are secure in life. Or take better care of your health. Would you enjoy life's experiences and live a full life? Would you enjoy this drive in your car more if it were a Ferrari? Try living your goals as if they were true.

5) BELIEVE: It is critical to believe this make-believe. The mind is susceptible to tricks more than you know. Just like you can trick it into thinking you aren't capable or worthy of acquiring an honest million dollars - you can just as easily trick your subconscious mind into thinking you are the best candidate to have such wealth. And the mind is an obedient servant. It does our bidding if only we used our privilege over the mind. We are intelligent...not the mind. Believe your goal now.

6) ACT: A million dollars generally don't come walking. Though if you have followed the above five strategies, they just might. I say that because all the above puts us in a powerful zone of achievement. Our mind and spirit are one with our chosen goal. So it doesn't take much time or effort to get into the physical part of goal achievement. You will feel inspired to take actions, decisions, and meet people that will move you closer to your goal.

If you think about it, most times we try and achieve goals in the reverse direction than the above six steps. Life could be superbly different if we did all the above things in the right order. Don't wait to be happy once you have achieved your goal - be happy now, so you can be ready to achieve your goal.

The power of disbelief...

Something I read last night reminded me of the power of disbelief. We just have to believe that 'the impossible is possible' in our life, and the power of disbelief comes into action.

When your mind or others tell you that you can't become someone dramatically better than who you are today - just go ahead and disbelieve.

In early 2003 I happened to be passing through the lobby of a five star hotel that I hardly had the money to visit. But as luck would have it, I was there. A bulletin board caught my attention - The Rotary International's city chapter was inviting applications for their Group Study Exchange program to send four lucky people for FOUR WEEKS TO THE USA & CANADA all expenses paid!!! The eligibility was to be a young professional and a non-Rotarian ....everything else seemed to be a matter of subjective choice of the judging panel.

I had never stepped out of India. My mind rapidly reasoned that I could be as ineligible as I had the chances to be entirely eligible!! That got me thinking...and thank God I stuck with the latter choice. Because I did clear three rounds of interviews and spent a superb, eye-opening four weeks abroad meeting countless wonderful people, clarifying my career goals, developing as a person, and making presentations about India.

I wouldn't be exaggerating if I said that that one month changed the course of my life and my career.

It is human nature that we tend to disbelieve the positive and believe the negative. Our minds are wired to capture and ponder on the negative. It takes extra effort, a conscious conditioning, and just an ounce of self-belief to do the opposite. To negate the negative and focus with all our attention on the positive. Not tough at all and tremendously rewarding to boot.

So, next time you hear from within or without that you can't be superbly successful, become a millionaire, or achieve greatness in your life. Do go ahead...... and disbelieve with all your might.

There is enormous power in believing in yourself and disbelieving in the opinions of others and our environment. Limitations are real only as long as we hold on to them.

Just go ahead...and boldly disbelieve. Then see the magic unfold. 

The brilliance of doing nothing...

Nothingness taught me to trust my deepest instincts. And this is how it all began. The year was 2009 and I decided to resign from my job. I don't know how sky diving or bungee jumping feels because I haven't done either. But when I quit my job, the free fall felt similar - only it seemed to last for some months. Surprisingly, in a good way. More like.....the thrill of doing something forbidden and enjoying every moment.

But quit I did. And how.

My husband and I spent a longish time living up in the mountains in India, doing things that appealed to us. I had no job, no plan for my career, and no remorse for being utterly unemployed. The results were nothing short of dramatic. Amazingly....I never missed my workplace (though they were fantastic to me), and neither did I have any withdrawal pangs of not buzzing along with a busy city. And I am a city girl.

Of course, it helped that I didn't wake up to go anywhere, the doorbell rang rarely, I stopped checking my mails compulsively, ate on time and ate healthy, and talked for long hours with those who really mattered in my life.

Being a free floating, unemployed soul went straight to my heart and gave it new life. Thoughts and ideas and bursts of creativity hit like never before. I wondered what part of me was happy with my daily grind all those years? Not that I waited for an answer...there was so much else to think and talk about.

To my absolute surprise my first book, Corporate Nirvana, flowed out of me after my brush with absolute freedom in that phase. It wasn't my plan to write or become an author. Ever. But I did begin writing, and it took shape one day at a time. 

The deliciousness of doing nothing is a gift. Being terribly busy is not necessarily the mark of a successful person. Success is a deeper idea. When we meaningfully and happily suspend ourselves to flow with the current of life - tremendous things happen. We find some part of our true selves, detect our destinies, discover our motivations, ponder on our purpose, master our impulses, and realize what truly matters.

The mind and spirit have all the answers. Only.....it takes doing nothing to listen to their voice.