Too good to be true?

I really want to share this personal story with you today. A recent encounter with an ordinary, but decidedly ‘extraordinary’ person restored my faith once again in the goodness of our world. I reminded myself that the planet is not as unhappy and broken-up as television news would have us believe.  

I recently attended a program to update my knowledge and skills. The very first morning, I got a phone call on my mobile from a fellow participant who was put up in the same hotel as I. She called me up to ask if I was doing okay considering it was close to the training time, and I hadn’t appeared so far. I was surprised at her concern, and politely said I was on my way. Meanwhile, I wondered how did she even get my number, and then realized almost immediately that she had taken the trouble to note it down from the information mail we had got from the organization. Let me admit with some embarrassment that my first thought was – why does she have to call me, as if I am not responsible enough to get to the training on time? I think that was just me being over cautious when I am traveling alone, and surrounded by strangers. I cringe to think that I thought of her like that. Because, since then, she has not just entered my ‘best friend circle’ already, but she is one of the most amazing human beings I have met so far.

Over the next three days of being together in close confines, and seeing each other feel vulnerable and triumphant by turns during the course, I saw that she was as genuine as they come. It was evident to everyone that her goodness, though unbelievable at first, was true in every possible way. I caught myself just staring at her at times, wondering how a person could be that thoughtful, pure-hearted, so amazingly articulate, and extremely smart as her – in a world that is increasingly chaotic? Does she not get affected by the madness around like most of us do? I guess not.

Believe me when I say that I spent one-third of my entire study time just talking to her and enjoying her company. The feeling was mutual, which was fortunate for me. We talked, laughed, patted each other on the back, shared life stories, encouraged each other to do our best, and consoled each other when we goofed-up. Through all of it, what struck me was her inner strength and wisdom that refused to get affected by our circumstances - come what may. I find that such a wonderful place to be.

After a long time, I personally met someone who is so good that I want to be like them. I felt the same when I met my husband for the first time, and I learn from him every day. This trip reminded me again that it is so important to have someone in our close circle of friends and family that keeps us on the positive path. We all need people who can continue to prove that life is beautiful because they choose to look for beauty and love around them.

As I was making my way back to my home, this is what I thought. Just like thousands of years ago, we still have the good, the bad, and the ugly in our world. So, our current times are not that different or unique. It is what we choose to focus on, decide to partner with, and persist in pursuing that ultimately defines each one of us. Maybe, because there is such media attention on evil and unrest in our world, we back off in disbelief from embracing absolute goodness when we encounter it.

I can’t help wonder if we are turning resistant to the idea of being nicer, more thoughtful, and enviably good people because we aren’t sure if that much goodness will find a place in our disturbing times. On the other hand, my recent encounter with this stunningly good person points to the fact that – goodness and love alone survive when all else is lost.

I strongly believe that good people are all around us, they are in abundance and everywhere. Maybe, we need to have goodness inside us to attract goodness outside us. Finally, we attract whatever we believe in. So, let’s believe in goodness ourselves, and hold on tightly when we find it in others. This was possibly my bigger learning during my study time.

The difficulty of being good...

There is a decided difficulty to being a good person and showing goodness to others. And it doesn't matter if the scriptures and self-help books consider this an important part of the big life picture. Unfortunately, life works a bit differently, you'll see how. Read on.

Very importantly, all that is good is not necessarily easy to implement. In fact, the crappy and irrelevant is generally a breeze. To make matters more frustrating, and the point more poignant, in my opinion.

So, what is the difficulty of being good? Well, in my observation and experience - there are four specific ones.

First, if you are good, but the rest aren't. Now being and behaving good is anyway a tough call, but to end up being the lone ranger is even tougher. The other person is not mean, but just....oblivious. What we do or don't is all up to us, and the others couldn't care less either way. They might be as unmoved if were un-good.

Second, you are good, but the other person is mean and nasty. These are tough and complicated nuts to crack. Not just are you bearing the cross of goodness on your shoulders you are bearing the brunt of an unpalatable person whom you should never have spoken to, to begin with. There are two counts of frustration here. One, to not find reciprocation, which hurts, and second, of utter lack of good judgment on your part. So you end up feeling worse.

Third, you are good, but you don't feel like being good. Goodness sometimes can be a matter of mood - for some people. On good days goodness comes by easy. But how does one deal with a bad mood day in a goodness-worthy situation? This is a direct conflict and generally ends in personal stress and erosion of your public image if you let words wander too far from your intention.

Fourth, and the last, when you are good...and still get flak for it. This is a specially tricky one to deal with (or respond to). You are goodness personified on most days out of 365 (that's an awesome track record, btw) and yet people around you find your motives suspect. They call you a 'saint' or a 'good image manager' and heap obvious sarcasm on your good intentions. I don't have an answer for this one (not that I had one for the others).

In conclusion, I have figured out something on these lines. It is a mistake to be good for other people's sake. It just doesn't go down right - trust me, I've tried. The wretched thing only works when you are good for your own sake. Because that's what feels right inside. Because that's how you can sleep in peace at night. And because that's what makes you smile if you caught your reflection in a mirror. Goodness for the sake of being good works. Only then, in fact.

Now why didn't someone, for the love of God, say that to me right at the beginning.