Why You Must Get Over Negativity

Doesn't matter why you think it's justified to be negative, it is a show stopper and retards our progress and spoils our happiness like nothing else. Negativity makes us believe a popular lie that life might never change for the better and we are destined to keep falling from one misery into another. I will go so far as to say that negativity is a disease and it's highly contagious. Ever had someone tell you all that is negative in their life, and how that immediately triggered all kinds of negative thoughts about your own life that you had probably forgotten about? And just as well that you hadn't remembered the not so good parts of your life. It doesn't help to keep brooding on what's not right and what hurts. We already know that, so spending more time agonizing over it day and night is probably more wasteful than leaving a tap on for a day. So watch out.


The other day, I met up with a person who had told me many months ago that nothing was right in their life and they felt pessimistic, anxious, negative and angry. Upon my inquiring, they flatly told me that nothing much had changed since then. I was tempted to ask them - has your life not changed or have you not allowed it to change? Is your life unhappy or have you decided to be unhappy, because being unhappy is a lot easier and gets you sympathy? Is life really miserable or is your mindset still sick? Though I didn't ask these tempting questions, I did feel almost a physical ache of seeing someone who had allowed their mind to take over their good judgment and initiative. I also felt put off to be very frank. Negative is not inspiring. So here are my thoughts on negativity and getting over it.

I am not at all saying I am one of those unrealistic and annoying, I-am-always-happy types. On the contrary, the feelings is well known and even intimate to me. Just a few short years ago, I failed to recognize that I needed to reinvent my career, my relationship with myself and those close to me and my overall beliefs that drove me to take mediocre decisions when I could have done great instead.

I needed to master my mind than get blown about with the wind like a fallen twig that doesn't have any control over where it lands with every gust. I also realized, with considerable trepidation, that the changes I needed to make would be tough, and require a lot of guts, self-respect, strength, sustained action, not to mention, time and solid communication. Yet, I was able to move on with my own life nevertheless and the painful parts began to dissolve almost effortlessly once I knew I was in-charge of my thinking and my mind. Funnily, issues of my life just fell by the way and decided to leave me alone, once I resolutely left them alone. I then chose to make my life positive and one that inspired myself to keep doing better.

Negative emotions are strong emotions, and I needed to deal with them by creating space for the strongest emotions - those of love, affection, genuineness, peace, loyalty, happiness, excitement, passion and knowing deep down that I was doing the right things.

Let's not waste our time and energy on negativity and pessimism that erode the very basis of our existence and disrespect the fact that we were created, and given a chance to live this one life.

And because I have been there, I have also come to realize that the sooner we walk away from negativity the better off we are. Continuing to be angry is not a matter of principle, it is a sheer waste of time. There is no nobility or smartness in allowing our unhealthy thinking to take over our lives because we hit a bad patch. Everyone does. You aren't the only one. So move on. Make your life count.

Ten Ways Not to Sabotage Our Own Success

Too many people live off complaining and cribbing and sharing in great detail why their life is so bad. Success is seen as something tough to achieve and more easily seen in others than in us. Therefore, we get more frustrated, more people get to hear our woes, and our mind goes deeper into the abyss of fear, despair and hopelessness that breeds more failure - proving our theory to our self that we can't win like others do.

Here are ten solid, proven tips to beat that self-defeating loop that plays in our minds and takes us away from success. Practice these for 30 days and consider this a challenge to conquer. See how life begins to be more easy, more fun and success becomes your way of life as well.

1. Stop talking about your challenges: 
Yes, there is definite value in sharing our problems so we can halve them.. But most of us unwittingly become 'serial complainers' without even realizing it. We share our complaints and failure and all our petty and big challenges with anyone who cares to listen. What we are doing is embedding in our mind a sentence that says, 'My life is hopeless, I will never make it.' The mind is an obedient servant - rest assured it gives us exactly what we made it believe. So quit cribbing and quit sharing problems with everyone you meet.

2. Develop mental strength:
Mental strength and resilience breaks down every time we give in to worry and anxiety over issues like - am I falling sick, why is my left side hurting since two days, why did that person give me a stern look, why didn't I get appreciated today, what if I can't gather that much money in time, why can't I lose weight, why am I so lazy...and on and on. 99.99% of what we worry about never really happens. Life is dynamic and we aren't smart enough to predict it, so let go. Listen to music, watch a funny TV show, go for a walk, have a cup of tea and look out the window, read a book, watch a movie, mingle with a friend or neighbour, and get to a doctor if you really feel sick. Bottom line - do something constructive, don't just sit and think. Divert your mind, and insulate yourself from petty worries.

3. Quit comparing yourself with others:
How does it matter if the next person earns more than us, lives in a better home, has a better life, is more good looking and takes more vacations in an year? All of this might be true - but how does it help us? Quick answer - it doesn't help us at all to compare ourselves with others. Too many of us confuse inspiration and comparison. If looking at others leaves you feeling unsuccessful, incomplete and negative - then you just compared yourself unfairly. Your life is yours, it will never be exactly like another's. The important question is - do you believe your life can't be the same as someone else's, but it can be unique and absolutely smashing as well? If you can't believe that, you are in deep trouble. Quit comparing, begin believing in yourself and your capacity to succeed.

4. Stop feeling depressed and hopeless:
Quickly recognize your own tendency if you catch yourself sleeping too much, eating too much, putting on weight, feeling irritable often, losing patience with others, turning into a bad listener, losing interest in all activities and finding yourself being alone and broody. All these are signs of stress, hopelessness and despair. Some of us begin thriving on these feelings because they get us a lot of attention and sympathy, and we can manipulate our way out of certain relationship situations. This is not a good place to be, and the best part is that we all can get out of it even in a day's time if we just decide to. Take a decision that you will make an extra effort to be happy and upbeat about life and do what ever it takes to feel at peace. Success doesn't come near those who are hopeless and act like victims- guaranteed.

5. Avoid taking too much advice: 
When we are deeply perturbed and restless no amount of wise advice works. Instead, we get indecisive and more restless as we battle between options that we don't fully understand. Work out your own confusion the best you can, then seek advice at the right time when you are peace. Advice and counsel helps when we have some clarity and peace of mind. Stop chasing the idea that others can solve our problems. They rarely can - you are your own best bet.

6. Don't feel guilty about chasing your dreams:
Chasing our dreams is a gift we all have from nature. We have an equal right to find our dreams and purpose, and feel happy with our achievements. It is a given that none of us want to be irresponsible or selfish, so let's not worry too much about that. Remember, you can't make everyone happy at the same time. So quit trying and stressing yourself out. Do things for yourself and get into the habit of giving yourself importance and love and attention as you give it to others around you. Sacrifice is to be used sparingly in life and generally backfires.

7. Get clarity and take a decision on what you want:
Funny that a lot of us who crib about life are not 100% sure what exactly it is that we are expecting from life. What kind of home, car, vacations, family life, wardrobe, infrastructure, career do we want and desire? If we can develop great clarity we stop wasting our time talking about what we don't have and get excited about what we can achieve. Clarity works like magic. Don't be afraid to dream big, it's your dream, and as long as you are crystal clear what you want, you are likely to get it exactly as you envisioned it.

8. Become a doer, be an action hero:
We all love a movie where the hero saves the world and overcomes all odds. We all love a hero. Then why is it so tough to be one? Because it takes getting up from in front of the TV, computer, chair, sofa, car to actually go and do something about our lives. Superman doesn't fly in through the window, sadly. Make it your agenda to do 5 things daily that bring you closer to your goals. Just this tiny trick can get you massive results. Try it out...begin acting on your good thoughts and solid plans. Be a doer, worship action, get over your fear, laziness, doubt and suspicion and just act on your goals. Be your own action hero.

9. Don't wait for tangible rewards to feel motivated:
As you do your daily 5 actions to get close to your goals, rewards might be seen on some days and not seen on others. Keep at it, don't stop, don't slow down, don't think too much, don't discuss and dissect why you can't see them. Just keep taking action if you are sure you are going as per your plan and all is well with your goals. Momentum has to build to give us rewards that finally will become tangible, quick and numerous. We need to hold on tight and keep the faith until that happens. Never turn around in doubt and never look back. Keep up the self-motivation that fuels success.

10. Believe in yourself when no one does:
It is hugely disappointing when someone gives you a disbelieving look after you've shared all your goals and dreams with them. You instantly see their look and begin suspecting your own competence and capability to succeed. Accept that this will happen in life, and so become your biggest believer and fan. Keep yourself focused on what you want and keep at it no matter how many others feel you can't do it. If you don't believe in yourself, not much chance anyone else will.

Do share if you have another nugget that you think can be added to this list.

To your success always. 

Take Bold Decisions, Move Towards Your Success

As a people manager and a training professional, I meet people and interact with them all the time. Very often, they share with me their desire to see themselves grow and achieve success in their life, and yet, I find the very same people shying away from taking bold decisions that can create quantum leaps for them and their life. I am talking about smart, educated, experienced people who have the definite capability to move ahead in life and achieve their goals. And yet they continue to be disappointed and disillusioned about their future or their capacity to succeed. 

You might say, but isn't our economic and global situation too risky to be bold? I think not taking any risks or bold decisions is a sure risk that we will miss out on all that we deserve and can achieve. At the same time, I am mindful that our current economic times are tough and hard for all of us, and there is no denying the fact that the world we live in today is much different and difficult than the one we had to deal with even ten years ago. I would be lying if I said, I have never felt fearful or apprehensive of what lay ahead. However, it is my innate nature and my burning need that I have cultivated over the years to confidently walk ahead and take bold decisions in the face of daunting challenges. Which brings me to the question - what constitutes a bold decision? Let me give you some genuine examples from my life. Hope you recall some of yours.

As a young student, I took up MBA as an aspiration when I didn't even know how my family would pay my fee, neither did I have a bank balance of my own. It was a scary and bold decision as I had faith that an MBA degree would increase my earning capacity and my ability to support my family. It was the right decision, though probably not the most realistic one looking at our financial condition. As it happened, money appeared from the most unlikely sources and we were able to support my education. I have heard so many people say that somehow help appeared and things fell into place, once they took a big step forward.

I then left a thriving job with one of India's top B schools and started my own training consulting business with no computer (I am talking about early 2000), no contacts in the industry, just Rs. 12000 in savings from my one year job stint and with very limited training experience on my hands, plus I was and looked like a kid in a classroom. Yet, none of this stopped me from knowing and acting on the knowledge that training was my passion and it had to be my career therefore. I would go to a cyber cafe to do my emails and prepare my presentations and call companies from pay phones. In less than 2 years I was a much in demand trainer and big companies were paying me a handsome per day fee to train their middle and senior managers. This too was a bold decision that changed my life forever and became the basis of all future success. Needless to say, I worked hard on increasing my knowledge and read like a crazy person to up-skill myself.

I then aspired to go overseas and train foreigners and experience a different culture. Within a month, I had spotted such an opportunity and applied for a short-term visit being organized by Rotary International. As it happened, the Rotary trip demanded a sum of 10,000 from my side, and all other expenses were paid for. I could therefore, afford this trip. I got chosen for the opportunity and had the most amazing experience in US and Canada which was completely beyond my financial means, but that never stopped me from believing and taking a decision that helped me move towards realizing my goal to go overseas and train.

Yet again, my 'big goals' bug bit me and I had to go ahead and do something bigger and better for my life and career. This time I left behind a successful consulting business and joined one of Indian's top IT companies and found a wonderful job that fit me perfectly and got me more resources than I could ever have imagined. Not to mention I took a bold decision when I accepted this job offer to move from North to the South of the country, all by myself and with no help or support in sight. My list of bold decisions continues and I have again taken a couple of very bold decisions in my life to achieve even bigger goals....I really don't think there is any reason to stop aspiring or working towards aspirations, irrespective of how bad the times might be.

Bold decisions are bold because they require courage and faith. That certainly does not mean we take foolish risks without weighing some necessary pros and cons, or jump into situations that might jeopardize our relationships or career. It just means we keep our options open and move with conviction in a direction we are convinced will help us to ease current problems and open up wide doorways to enter another level of success and prosperity. Bold decisions are the ones that we would normally never take if we thought and thought and over analyzed them. Analysis is good, but over thinking decisions and all the consequences that might flow from them, results in analysis paralysis. That is a state when we are unable to move forward and find a reason to reject all options at hand and all advice as useless. This is not just unproductive, but unnecessary.

Key to feeling bold and courageous is to keep taking action, and become an action oriented person. Don't stop at every hurdle and sit down in deep contemplation. Life does require us to walk past some obstacles and not make them emotional hurdles. So next time you find yourself in a bad situation that completely frustrates you, remember, it is probably a result of you not taking bold decisions at the right time.

Good news - it is never too late. Take a bold decision and feel the power that is within you and is the key to all your progress and success.

To your success always!

Don't Be a Drifter...Take Charge Today

Over a long period of time, I have realized how many people out there are comfortable with just drifting along in life. Sadly, they have turned into certified drifters and have lost their zest for life. How do I define drifters? Those who have a blank look in their eyes and on their face, who don't have creative ideas about their work or their life, who let life and career and people simply happen to them than carve their own path and their own relationships, and who don't have very significant life events that define them or help them grow.

While wisdom tells us to go with the flow of life, this often becomes the excuse of drifters. I am going with the flow of life, they say. That is not what going with the flow means though- it means we have goals and aspirations, put in the hard work and diligence, use our intelligence and experience to get ahead in life, and then let life take its course rather than fight life every single day. Drifters are doing quite the opposite. Not doing anything significant and waiting for great things to happen is like not planting the seed, but hoping for the fruit to drop in our laps someday. Thankfully, life does not work like that.

It is important to wake up to our own greatness. Yes we all have it, every single one of us. God didn't create us in vain. We need not be a Celebrity or a Yogi or a Millionaire to feel the greatness within us. If you can be a great spouse, or parent, or colleague or leader then you are witness to your own greatness on a daily basis, and so are others. Greatness lies in realizing our deepest fears and doing something about them, greateness is discovering our highest aspirations and reaching out to them through a planned and patient approach, and being a good person so that we never look back in regret and guilt. That is discovering our greatness and being great.

Drifters are too scared, lazy, unaware and unconcerned to do much about their life and therefore they drift on with the uncertain currents of life never reaching a definite goal or trying to change course of their ineffective lives. They often don't realize that they are not living their lives on their own terms, but others are making their decisions for them. If we wait long enough, for sure others will make our choices and steer our lives for us. It could be our family who does that or our friends or colleagues or the organization we work for. Either ways, it is a waste of our own life and initiative if we can't steer our lives on our own.

What can you do to get out of this rut? Well, begin by doing something on your own initiative that makes a tangible difference to you. Take a walk every day to make a change to your lazy and unhealthy routine, eat consciously, so you nourish your body, write an email to someone asking for help or advice, read up an article that shows you a path to your chosen goals....I could keep going on and on. Hope you get the idea.

So wake up today....take charge.....do one small thing to shape your life...just one tiny deed of self-initiation and get your power back in life.

Always to your success!

Four easy tips to excel at work

Most of you reading this might be part of a formal organization, and there are times when you feel like the proverbial 'cog-in-the-wheel'. And for good reason, most organizations have thousands of employees and it is fairly easy to get swallowed up by the mass of people and just be one more employee. 

But there is a lot you can do to change that and get noticed for the right reasons. I have counseled and coached a lot of mid-level managers who were frustrated with their bosses not recognizing their hard work or the organization just not acknowledging their value. 

All of us might have experiences getting entangled in the day-to-day controversies and politics of our team and really missing out on the big picture. It's easy to make daily irritants at office your life. This is not just a bad strategy at work, but also personally self-defeating. Instead, ignore people who annoy you and invest time in studying your department/function and seeing things from 30,000 feet - like your super boss might. Try looking at the big picture of what are the key roles of your department and its place in the larger organization. For example, I am an HR/OB person, so how does my work assist the learning capability of the organization is a good question for me to think about. You will be amazed that you can recognize value-adding work, get noticed by the bosses, help the most important goals of your department, and really help your customer. 

Second, focus on your self-development. No matter what the nature of your job might be, there is always a certification you can earn, do a short-term course, or join a distance learning program. No study is ever wasted, or so is my belief. Learning can become a powerful weapon in your career progress if you target it on your current career path. In essence, make strategic learning decisions. What that means is, if you wish to become the next general manager or vice president at work, then learn about things that will help you get to that position faster or make you the ideal candidate for the next promotion. Learn things that will help you make your job description richer and more rewarding.

Third, participate in the world outside your organization. A lot of us are so involved and exhausted in our current jobs that all effort goes in going to office and coming back home. Has it ever occurred to you that your exhaustion is not just physical, it is primarily - mental exhaustion. Nothing is more tiring than a routine life that begins and ends in office. So, make the time to step outside the office. Join a management group or an association that talks about your kind of work. Another great way to participate in the outside world it so attend training seminars and conferences both as a participant or a speaker. You will be surprised how easy it to take these steps once you make the first move. So try it. 

Fourth and last, don't lose touch with your hobbies. It took me years to get back to my hobbies once I got lost in my world of work. But now that I am back into doing what I love to do in my free time, I find more energy and time to do my real job well. So go back to your hobbies, even if for fifteen minutes in a day. But let those fifteen minutes be just for yourself - indulging in what makes you happy and energetic. 

I hope some of these tips will help your excel at work and rise above the ordinary.

Selfish is good...

Some months ago, I heard a talk by the Dalai Lama, and he spoke wisely about the importance of 'thinking about ourselves first' if we are to be of service to others. Now this does seem like a counter-intuitive piece of advice when all we've grown up hearing is that being selfish is a bad and despicable thing, more so, in our culture. But maybe, being selfish is not what he means. Neither does my experience feel so.

Think about this for a while. Unfortunately, so many of our ills and family unrest come from doing what we think will please others or make things harmonious. On the contrary, and over years of familial closeness, situations and relationships worsen. To make it feel more wretched, we realize after twenty years of effort that no one ended up as happy with us as we had hoped for. On the contrary, we have ladled on our plate a good helping of blame for past messes. I've come to resent the idea of living to please others and keeping peace at the expense of my own peace of mind. It is self-defeating, unproductive, and does more harm than any good in the long-term. Believe me, love and service are not meant to be like that. Love is something else.

I feel, selfish is good. Not in a 'what-is-yours-is-mine-and-what-is-mine-is-mine' kind of way. But more in a way that says - I need to first make myself happy, fend for my wellbeing, employ my talents, nurture my spirit, create a healthy body, and find my livelihood - then I am available to share my life and love with others. Something tremendous happens once we follow this path - we are not just more available to others, we have more energy, gusto, and willingness to be inclusive and thoughtful. In the absence of having taken care of our self, our enthusiasm to serve and love others gradually declines to grudging resentments and an uncomfortable feeling of being used or taken advantage of. Harsh as it may sound, this is not noble, just cowardice - with a dash of denial.

I am changing myself, and the change is coming upon me like a gentle breeze. I no longer believe that I can be useful to others if I have not served myself first or loved myself first. And yes, it does make others sit-up and take notice. Btw, others around you will grudge you the change because not being driven by their moods is to their disadvantage, unless they love you so much that they are happy for your progress as a person. That way I am lucky with some people in my life who always support me, it makes it easier to deal with those who don't. Hope you find that support too. And if you don't, never give up on being your true self.

The way to inner happiness is to make yourself happy first, follow your joy, have your cup overflowing before others can take a sip from it. Only when we are whole can we genuinely share our self with others.

In favor of life....

I am moving from being a collector of things to 'living my life' with less things if possible. For a person who is professionally in the 'people space', I have been constantly 'space challenged' about the non-living stuff in my life. Somehow, my belongings always seem to outdo the space I have to keep them. As a consequence, none of my homes ever do justice to my things - and that means there is always less space for people.

The trend began early - as a child my toys overflowed from their rightful 'toy corner', as a young girl my beautiful clothes were always short of just one more wardrobe shelf, as a working woman my cosmetics constantly fell off their shelf. For most of my life, I have considered this normal.

It was only recently that I began to see the humor and futility of my 'race for space'! I don't need a larger wardrobe - I need less things! I don't need to keep busy - I need a better purpose in my life.

And here's my problem with hoarding things or being busy with being busy or taking care of things I hardly like or buying things I can do without....the more I have and buy, the more time I need to manage it. Somehow, giving so much of my precious time, energy and money to my possessions seems undeserved.

In the natural course of my life, I now enjoy a good meal with a few people I like than a big party with people I don't really care about. I would rather ponder over the legacy I can leave than worry over breaking my grandmother’s crockery. And I know for sure that I can do with much less clothes and shoes than I imagined as long as I can look presentable and smart.

I guess this thought stirred in me many years ago as I stood in a graveyard to be with the memory of a loved one we lost. It was for the first time that I stood amongst the tombstones for a long, reflective moment. I had always known a graveyard, but from a safe distance, with the dispassion and detachment of a young person too far removed from anything that bode the end.

But that day was different, and time stood still. For the first time in my life I realized that death is a great leveler. Irrespective of my achievements, wealth, possessions or another person's wasted life, our stories would end up in the same place some day, and it wouldn't matter which one of us was better looking, or wealthier, or more traveled or had a bigger job.There would only be silence and stillness at the end.

I took that realization as something positive and not necessarily sad. So, this blog is not about death.....it's fervently in favor of life, living...and leaving a legacy. Because even if our stories might end in the same place, our impact on those we leave behind doesn't have to be the same.

Here's my discovery, we don't have to be someone great to leave a legacy, we become great when we leave a legacy. As we do our own thing, dance to our own music, follow our joy, chase our purpose - I hope we also keep a track of those around us, because our life's biggest imprint is not in the graveyard, it lives on in the lives of those we leave behind.

The art of letting go....

As I sit here to write today, I have gathered new experiences in this new year, visited a new place I'd never been to, donned the tourist hat and looked around keenly, met new people and made a couple of new friends. And of course....had some new realizations.

This year, one of my bigger realizations is to forgive more freely and have more compassion in any situation than I am prone to displaying. Not that I don't forgive or forget, but there room for improvement. I need to let myself and others off of the hook more often. 

Many years ago, I read this beautiful piece that came as a forward in my inbox. It was called, 'The art of letting go', and it had an undeniable effect on my thinking. I'll admit that I haven't always been able to let go in emotionally and mentally tough situations, but with passing years, I am beginning to see great value in it. 

I often ask myself....what makes for a happy, peaceful, and fulfilling day? Well, for starts not harboring bitter and regretful feelings helps. Not brooding over past injustices and the unfairness of our world saves positive fuel to propel better thoughts. Not letting grudges and anger fester in my mind opens up loads of space for better things to enter my life. Not holding resentments allows me to find more friends and less foes. It's all connected to the art of letting go....letting go the past and respecting my present more.

So, I am about to make a list of all that which has bothered me in the past, and then close my eyes and meditate on what makes me angry about that person, thing or place and then with all my positive energy - release my hurt and anger. I plan to do this until I have crossed out all that I might have stored in my little black book. I guess, we all have one stashed away and the contents always spill over into the worst moments of our life - reminding us of all the negativity of the past and present.

I am getting older. I don't have the time or the patience or the energy to brood, to resent, to show my anger, to take my back, to settle my scores, to justify myself, to rub it in, to indulge in regrets, to live in fear, to feel insecure, and to feel negative. I am done with all of these for this lifetime.

And I am thankful, because I now understand the value of the opposite end of the spectrum. All the above were important and necessary experiences. I would be incomplete without crossing those paths. But there is a time to cross a path and there is a time to recognize that road and decide to not go down it again. 

I think I have reached that point where I can stand at crossroads and choose more wisely. Forgiveness comes to me more easily, compassion does not feel hypocritical, concern sounds naturally genuine and proving I am right doesn't matter as much. 

Unlike what I had imagined - this an easier road to walk on because the fantastic people you meet on this path are people you won't meet on any other.

The 10 things to strive for in 2012

Happy New Year 2012! It's the New Year and I feel the gush of excitement and a feeling of unwrapping a brand new gift. It is amazing that no matter how tough the last year might have been, the transition from Dec 31st to Jan 1st brings hope, new beginnings, greater resolve, and new found determination to make this year the best we can. 

Among the many things we could do this year to help ourselves be our best, here are my TOP TEN picks.

ONE: Be determined. Keep plugging into your big goals to make them a reality. 

TWO: Stay calm. Don't let people disturb your focus over trivial issues.

THREE: Remain enthusiastic. A dull pursuit of a desire never got anyone anywhere. 

FOUR: Take care of your body. Health determines the true quality of our life.

FIVE: Forgive and move on. Forgiveness helps you to shed the burdens of your life. 

SIX: Create value. Create more value for your customers/ organization than anyone expects.

SEVEN: Take vacations. Refresh and renew your mind and body, so you feel energetic. 

EIGHT: Live everyday. No day is ordinary or boring, we make it so. 

NINE: Take care of your relationships. People come before things, money, and work. 

TEN: Never give up: Getting over your toughest phase brings the best rewards.

10 Tips on not losing sleep over others....

How do I preserve my peace of mind? I've wondered often, especially....when I lose it. Annoyingly so, one loses it over trivialities than earth-shattering issues. A jibe from someone, a sarcastic remark, callous behavior, hurtful tone, unkind laughter, and most often....judgments that others make a business of heaping on you. 

Experience has taught me, I would rather lose sleep over pesky mosquitoes in my room than over someone who thinks too much of themselves and too little of me. That sounds dangerously like an unreasonable person who can't be made happy - not now and not in the future. Nothing could be a greater waste of time, positive energy, and stamina than to try and please or convince people like this.  

Yet I hear often from others that they are unhappy because someone criticized them, or didn't appreciate their genuine effort, or suspected their good intentions, or said hurtful things knowing the effect if would have on them. Ask yourself this good question - Why would you allow someone to do this to you?

Peace of mind might not be a fashionable term. Yet, with passing years, I yearn for it even more than I do for success or money. Let's aspire this New Years to make peace a part of our mind space.

Here's my recipe - The Top 10 tips on preserving your peace of mind. Hope you find it useful:

1. Beware of the opinions of others. Weigh them before you buy them.

2. Give yourself credit for your intelligence and wisdom. Don't wait to be told you are good enough.

3. Be sure that we all spend more time learning than making mistakes. Though it seems the other way round.

4. Smile generously upon criticism. You probably know what you aren't good at anyway.

5. Accept that your best efforts might not be appreciated. Say a word of appreciation to yourself.

6. Know that some people will never be pleased - it's their problem, not yours! Though this also seems the other way round.

7. Remember you are as imperfect as the other person. We are just imperfect at different things.

8. Realize that those who judge you unfairly create a devil in their own minds before they might in yours.

9. Understand that the most unpleasant ones are fighting their own demons. It doesn't have so much to do with you.

10. Always remember that depending on someone else to make you feel great  leads to heartache. Know that you did your best, then let it go.

Next time you lose sleep over someone or something, remember that we are all headed to one common, inevitable destination. Including the other person. In the larger scheme of life and things what is bothering you is miniscule compared to what you could celebrate.