The 'one word' that is a serious leadership turn off

You've been at the receiving end of this one word today or even a few minutes ago. Or you are the one who just spoke it and doesn't even realize. We all cringe at that word because it shuts out possibilities, makes things less desirable, cripples action and confuses others about our intentions and what we want done.

That one word is also a necessary part of our vocabulary, if you can't abandon it altogether, let's at least make an effort to use it sparingly and consciously.

That 'one word' is - Don't! Think if you have heard it recently, this week, today, a few minutes ago.

Did someone just ask you what they 'don't' want you to do or say, rather than what they would prefer you to do or say. And, they didn't even realize that their intention was to make you do the opposite, which is - have you do or say something that was desirable?

I was a don't person, and those close to me pointed out to me how often my sentences would begin with a don't rather than what I wanted to see happening instead. So, I would say, 'don't write that email right now, wait for me to provide you more data', instead, I could have as easily said, 'Once I provide you the data, you can send off that email we just discussed'. Simple? While it is, using don't is a matter of conditioning.

So, from real and personal experience, this is why I think 'don't' creeps into our communication as leaders.

Don't is often an ailment that afflicts the perfectionists among us, those of us who want things done a certain way, are highly committed and conscientious and love to see the outcome just as we envisioned it. Now reality doesn't often work like that, and so over a period of time we get scared and skeptical of another's ability to make our vision a reality. Which is why maybe, don'ts creeps into our communication when we want the opposite to be accomplished.

Here's how you can get alert and take action to get rid of the 'don't' habit in as little as a month's time! Believe me, your team will be happier and more responsive to your requests. Get ready to see more action than inaction!

1.Listen to yourself

This is not as hard as you may think. Given most leaders consider their own voice music to their ears, put your temptation to good use and listen to yourself talk. It's easy if you focus and speak just a little bit slower than you usually would. Now look out for the don'ts. You'll get so good at this within a week that you will be counting them off mentally.

2. Write down sentences that begin with a don't

Writing makes it more real and easier to learn from. Now that you are more tuned to listening to yourself, write down actual sentences you began with a don't over your work day. Do this daily for a week. You will now be able to see clearly that you are using don't when you could have used 'do' instead. For eg., 'Don't call me for the next one hour, I want to focus', instead you could have said, 'I'll like to focus on this report for the next one hour, and take calls after that.' Easy right, and makes so much more sense to the person listening.

3. Be clear about what you want happening

As you work towards breaking the don't habit, know that team members, your assistant, your peers, customers or even your boss is more likely to comply with your wishes if you clearly say what you want happening. 'For eg., 'I'd really want us to brainstorm on these ideas today and be ready with our recommendations for me to present next week.' When you speak in do terms, you make it so much more easy to follow your instructions, requests and recommendations as a leader. Use don't and you make it harder for the human mind to process what exactly do you want them to do. In fact, don't sentences make people drop the ball more often. Less ambiguity of your intentions = more chances of the work getting done.

4. Get feedback

Now that you are taking corrective action are nearing the one-month period to get rid of the don't habit, depute a couple of close friends, family, your kids or peers to raise a finger and signal to you when you lapse into the don't habit again. Or figure out a signal that might be fun and get you alert at the same time. Know that they have your best interest at heart and you are enlisting their support. So, be patient with them and yourself. When you see the signal that you just began a sentence with a don't -

Pause.

Now reframe the sentence and say what you want happening. Old habits do die hard. So keep at it. You will be amazed at how starting your sentences affirmatively and positively has a wonderful ripple effect on those who work most closely with you. It makes them less anxious around you and more alert. Sit back and enjoy the change!

After all these years, an alarm bell goes off in my head if I begin with a don't when I could have done a better job. I right away reframe it in my head, apologise to the other person and give it another shot.

Don't = opposite of what you want done, confuses the other person = ball gets dropped

Do = This is exactly what you want & how you want it done = greater goal achievement

This is How New Managers Can Have a Great 1st Meeting With Their Team

Who should be reading this? You recently got promoted to a manager, you are looking forward to becoming one soon or your direct report is about to become a new manager. Great, then this post will speak to you. First impressions do matter - at least in the short-term - and considering meeting your new team is not an easy introduction anyway, you might want to do everything you can to make it a great introductory meeting.

Years ago, I was a new manager and believe me, the first few days were absolutely embarrassing and painful. Since then, I have met several colleagues who have gone through similar situations and just worked it out as they went along. I hope you read this and find really useful and very doable tips to do a better job than I did when I started out.

What Goes Wrong? We are individual contributors, we don't know HOW to be a Manager! That's what goes wrong to begin with. Those above us assume we know what to do because we excelled in a previous role. This logic does not apply.

It's amazing how individual contributors are promoted to people managers (even in large and apparently well organised work places), and expected to land gracefully on their feet in this new and challenging role. Not happening. Most of of them, like me, flounder the first few months and eventually discover what works and what is obviously not working. This wastes energy and time, and moreover strains relationships with our team when it could have been a much better beginning.

Here are strategies that will help you have a smooth and comfortable all important introduction with your newly acquired team. And if you get to the end of this post, you will likely have a clear roadmap to a successful first meeting.

Be enthusiastic. It absolutely matters that you step into the beginning of your managerial journey with an open mind and a positive attitude. Smile. Shake hands or greet everyone and scan the team. Look at everyone as you sit down and keep on the smile as you do. This also shows the team that you are confident and are entering this meeting on an upbeat note.

Don't have a formal agenda. I know you must be saying, but all effective meetings need an agenda. They do, and you can have couple of points in your head to start you out. However, a written down agenda that is circulated to the team before you meet can be avoided at all cost. This helps to tone down the discomfort and anxiety your team might be feeling, and let them know this is an introduction, not a serious work meeting that will leave everyone with a pile of work at the end, but not tell them much about you as a manager and your work style.

Have an informal agenda. Going into a meeting without a plan is never a good idea, so that's not what I meant by point no. 2 above. Have your plan, but keep it informal and flexible and make it clear right at the outset. Starting by saying something like, 'I do have a few points I'd like to touch upon as we get to know each other better, but please feel free to jump in and share what might be one thing on top of your mind that we can discuss as a team or would help me to be aware of.' Be open to the agenda taking a different turn than you had anticipated, allow room for deviations and unplanned information. It's alright.

Listen hard and talk less. I can't overemphasize the importance of doing well in your first meeting simply by being an active listener. Really, no one is expecting gems of wisdom right off the bat, everyone is likely uncomfortable to some degree. Remain attentive to what's happening to the conversation. Watch your team's reaction to your opening comments and to your proposal to keep things simple and informal. Let everyone know you are happy to take questions, and this is in fact a meeting you are looking forward to listening in to more. Yes, be transparent that you might be talking much less than they anticipated. It let's the team know this meeting is as much about them as you, and that you aren't up for an assessment. You are all in this together now.

Expect some cribs and pain to tumble out. In some ways, getting a new manager is almost like getting another parent. While we don't actively think of our relationship with our managers in this way, it is THE most important relationship we will have in all of the organisation. It matters to us that our manager know our pain and area of struggle, and help us out, so we can find success and fulfillment in our roles. Let the unhappy lot have their say. New managers also attract old complainers and those who may have an axe to grind with the organisation, their previous managers or their work situations. Shutting them down won't make them go away. Plus they might be making a point you need to be aware of as their manager.

Don't feel pressured to solve problems. This is certainly not the right meeting for you to put on your solution mindset hat. In fact, be watchful of your temptation to begin providing solutions to what you may see as familiar issues you have dealt with before. Very likely you may not know the big picture of where the complaint is coming from or what might already have been done to help the person's situation. On the other hand, you may be well aware and were briefed on a certain issue beforehand by you manager, even so, hold the temptation to fix the complaint. Plenty of time to do that later and one-on-one.

End on a positive, uplifting note. Ending a meeting with a question mark and uncertainty is not setting yourself up for success for later meetings. Your team will be watching your every move. Irrespective of where the conversation may have gone, provide direction on next steps such as, another meeting with a specific agenda, one-on-ones, supplying more clarity next time you meet them, a promise to begin looking into hot issues and complaints with fairness and transparency, helping with data that the team needs urgently, or working together to enhance the overall team performance - with an emphasis on 'together'. Choose your words wisely, but make it sincere and positive.

If you take care of these basics in your first 'all important' team meeting, you might be in for a better start as a new manager than you anticipated!

Do leave comments on some of your good and not-so-good first meeting experiences.

Being Excellent

I have been giving a lot of deep thought to excellence and commitment recently. I have asked myself a few key questions - what makes people excellent at work? What stops them from being so? Why is it often so difficult to find excellence such that it fills your heart with joy and a special magic to just watch something meaningful done flawlessly? Easy answer is, it takes a lot of effort and hard work to excel and not everyone is up to it, and we are at times plain lazy to excel. Easier to watch TV than read a book, for example. Then again, we must have seen plenty of folks over the years who are sloggers, let alone hard workers, and yet the magic of excellence is missing. So probably, I reached a simplistic conclusion to the conundrum and there is more to it. At times I’ve heard that my salary doesn’t merit excellence. They want me to excel? Fine, pay me more and I will. Now that’s a disturbing one for me personally! The day we begin weighing our salary v/s the excellence we can bring to our work, know that we are in deep professional trouble. Truth be told, which self-respecting professional doesn’t want to be paid some more? Almost everyone does. I can turn this argument on its head and propose a very different theory....frankly, no company can afford an exceptional professional if they tried paying them for all their worth. So one can say instead, let me not break my head on the pennies and crowns and just get on with why I stepped out of my home so many years ago to begin with - to have a career. In the larger scheme of things, life has a way of leveling out rewards and punishments...what I craved for in one phase of my life became lack luster in the next and what I took for granted earlier is now a deep regret. So either ways, don’t sweat it too much. Which brings me to another obstacle in the path to excellence - Losing sight of the forest for the trees. Which is to say, we might be sweating it too much. We don’t realize our career just got blindsided as we micromanaged and fretted endlessly about the here and now. There is a reason why it’s joyful to look in to the horizon and looking too hard and long at our immediate surroundings generally ends in disappointment. That we are nurturing and growing our career is not an organic thought. The more natural conclusion, thanks to the daily grind of coming and going from work, is that we have a job! Career is a cultivated mindset. We need to decide to have one; at least no company ever hired me on the promise of a career, I decided each time to opt for one nevertheless. The daily routine of going to office each day, completing tiny tasks, finding the smaller pieces of the jigsaw and returning home to other pressing priorities is enough to lose sight (and on some days, lose our mind) that our job is driving a career. Fairly easy to forget that the task is part of the big exciting project and that without the smallest piece of the jigsaw, the big picture will remain incomplete. A job well done propels our career; big difference, but hard to spot for most of us. Jobs are not inspiring. Period. Careers are exhilarating. That’s why I come to work each day and want to keep coming all charged up every single day. I know I am crafting my career – every single day. What I do or don’t, for the better or for the worse, shapes the organization. Then comes the slippery issue of willpower. Most professionals fail to excel not for lack of skills I feel, but because it is so hard to deeply commit and not settle. Commitment is a muscle, so is willpower. Don’t use it, you lose it. Commitment in turn takes physical and mental energy. Not managing energy is the easiest way to lose willpower and therefore commitment. Tiredness is not the greatest springboard for excellence, it’s more a foundation for just getting stuff done, somehow. As we grow in our career, we need more energy than we need more skills. Protect your energy. The more I think the more I feel convinced that excellence is not a soft issue to do with philosophical and elusive platitudes. It is not about a vague and dismissive conclusion that some have it and some don’t, and some are just plain lazy. Interestingly, IQ doesn’t have much to do with it either. Excellence is a hard skill that takes a lot of practice and deep commitment. It demands daily sharpening of an ability that we all have to go deep into a task, be agile, be alert, be timely, love details, deliver only the best and produce spectacular results with the same ingredients that might be enough for someone else to produce disappointing ones. A dangerous trend is to find easy answers and scapegoats for lack of excellence. These reasons vary from the mundane like, ‘I don’t have the time, I am too busy’ to the more dicey ones, ‘I was waiting for something to happen or someone to do something, so I could be excellent - I kept waiting, therefore I am not’. Hmmm. Whom are we convincing is a debatable point, that requires another blog altogether :) To end this one I can say – Excellence is not dependent on what we have at the beginning, it’s not even what we lack right now, it’s more of what we gather on the way and what we can turn it into so it no longer remains ordinary. There is a magic to ordinary because you touched it, that’s excellence. And others see it more clearly than we can imagine. Excellence doesn’t ask for much, just an unwavering resolve to be diligent, ferocious tenacity, unstinted self-belief, deep commitment, a hunger to outdo ourselves and a pride in a job well done that is very personal and little to do with anyone or anything else. Excellence is personal. Others and us benefit from it is a happy by product.
To your success always!

Why You Must Get Over Negativity

Doesn't matter why you think it's justified to be negative, it is a show stopper and retards our progress and spoils our happiness like nothing else. Negativity makes us believe a popular lie that life might never change for the better and we are destined to keep falling from one misery into another. I will go so far as to say that negativity is a disease and it's highly contagious. Ever had someone tell you all that is negative in their life, and how that immediately triggered all kinds of negative thoughts about your own life that you had probably forgotten about? And just as well that you hadn't remembered the not so good parts of your life. It doesn't help to keep brooding on what's not right and what hurts. We already know that, so spending more time agonizing over it day and night is probably more wasteful than leaving a tap on for a day. So watch out.


The other day, I met up with a person who had told me many months ago that nothing was right in their life and they felt pessimistic, anxious, negative and angry. Upon my inquiring, they flatly told me that nothing much had changed since then. I was tempted to ask them - has your life not changed or have you not allowed it to change? Is your life unhappy or have you decided to be unhappy, because being unhappy is a lot easier and gets you sympathy? Is life really miserable or is your mindset still sick? Though I didn't ask these tempting questions, I did feel almost a physical ache of seeing someone who had allowed their mind to take over their good judgment and initiative. I also felt put off to be very frank. Negative is not inspiring. So here are my thoughts on negativity and getting over it.

I am not at all saying I am one of those unrealistic and annoying, I-am-always-happy types. On the contrary, the feelings is well known and even intimate to me. Just a few short years ago, I failed to recognize that I needed to reinvent my career, my relationship with myself and those close to me and my overall beliefs that drove me to take mediocre decisions when I could have done great instead.

I needed to master my mind than get blown about with the wind like a fallen twig that doesn't have any control over where it lands with every gust. I also realized, with considerable trepidation, that the changes I needed to make would be tough, and require a lot of guts, self-respect, strength, sustained action, not to mention, time and solid communication. Yet, I was able to move on with my own life nevertheless and the painful parts began to dissolve almost effortlessly once I knew I was in-charge of my thinking and my mind. Funnily, issues of my life just fell by the way and decided to leave me alone, once I resolutely left them alone. I then chose to make my life positive and one that inspired myself to keep doing better.

Negative emotions are strong emotions, and I needed to deal with them by creating space for the strongest emotions - those of love, affection, genuineness, peace, loyalty, happiness, excitement, passion and knowing deep down that I was doing the right things.

Let's not waste our time and energy on negativity and pessimism that erode the very basis of our existence and disrespect the fact that we were created, and given a chance to live this one life.

And because I have been there, I have also come to realize that the sooner we walk away from negativity the better off we are. Continuing to be angry is not a matter of principle, it is a sheer waste of time. There is no nobility or smartness in allowing our unhealthy thinking to take over our lives because we hit a bad patch. Everyone does. You aren't the only one. So move on. Make your life count.

Ten Ways Not to Sabotage Our Own Success

Too many people live off complaining and cribbing and sharing in great detail why their life is so bad. Success is seen as something tough to achieve and more easily seen in others than in us. Therefore, we get more frustrated, more people get to hear our woes, and our mind goes deeper into the abyss of fear, despair and hopelessness that breeds more failure - proving our theory to our self that we can't win like others do.

Here are ten solid, proven tips to beat that self-defeating loop that plays in our minds and takes us away from success. Practice these for 30 days and consider this a challenge to conquer. See how life begins to be more easy, more fun and success becomes your way of life as well.

1. Stop talking about your challenges: 
Yes, there is definite value in sharing our problems so we can halve them.. But most of us unwittingly become 'serial complainers' without even realizing it. We share our complaints and failure and all our petty and big challenges with anyone who cares to listen. What we are doing is embedding in our mind a sentence that says, 'My life is hopeless, I will never make it.' The mind is an obedient servant - rest assured it gives us exactly what we made it believe. So quit cribbing and quit sharing problems with everyone you meet.

2. Develop mental strength:
Mental strength and resilience breaks down every time we give in to worry and anxiety over issues like - am I falling sick, why is my left side hurting since two days, why did that person give me a stern look, why didn't I get appreciated today, what if I can't gather that much money in time, why can't I lose weight, why am I so lazy...and on and on. 99.99% of what we worry about never really happens. Life is dynamic and we aren't smart enough to predict it, so let go. Listen to music, watch a funny TV show, go for a walk, have a cup of tea and look out the window, read a book, watch a movie, mingle with a friend or neighbour, and get to a doctor if you really feel sick. Bottom line - do something constructive, don't just sit and think. Divert your mind, and insulate yourself from petty worries.

3. Quit comparing yourself with others:
How does it matter if the next person earns more than us, lives in a better home, has a better life, is more good looking and takes more vacations in an year? All of this might be true - but how does it help us? Quick answer - it doesn't help us at all to compare ourselves with others. Too many of us confuse inspiration and comparison. If looking at others leaves you feeling unsuccessful, incomplete and negative - then you just compared yourself unfairly. Your life is yours, it will never be exactly like another's. The important question is - do you believe your life can't be the same as someone else's, but it can be unique and absolutely smashing as well? If you can't believe that, you are in deep trouble. Quit comparing, begin believing in yourself and your capacity to succeed.

4. Stop feeling depressed and hopeless:
Quickly recognize your own tendency if you catch yourself sleeping too much, eating too much, putting on weight, feeling irritable often, losing patience with others, turning into a bad listener, losing interest in all activities and finding yourself being alone and broody. All these are signs of stress, hopelessness and despair. Some of us begin thriving on these feelings because they get us a lot of attention and sympathy, and we can manipulate our way out of certain relationship situations. This is not a good place to be, and the best part is that we all can get out of it even in a day's time if we just decide to. Take a decision that you will make an extra effort to be happy and upbeat about life and do what ever it takes to feel at peace. Success doesn't come near those who are hopeless and act like victims- guaranteed.

5. Avoid taking too much advice: 
When we are deeply perturbed and restless no amount of wise advice works. Instead, we get indecisive and more restless as we battle between options that we don't fully understand. Work out your own confusion the best you can, then seek advice at the right time when you are peace. Advice and counsel helps when we have some clarity and peace of mind. Stop chasing the idea that others can solve our problems. They rarely can - you are your own best bet.

6. Don't feel guilty about chasing your dreams:
Chasing our dreams is a gift we all have from nature. We have an equal right to find our dreams and purpose, and feel happy with our achievements. It is a given that none of us want to be irresponsible or selfish, so let's not worry too much about that. Remember, you can't make everyone happy at the same time. So quit trying and stressing yourself out. Do things for yourself and get into the habit of giving yourself importance and love and attention as you give it to others around you. Sacrifice is to be used sparingly in life and generally backfires.

7. Get clarity and take a decision on what you want:
Funny that a lot of us who crib about life are not 100% sure what exactly it is that we are expecting from life. What kind of home, car, vacations, family life, wardrobe, infrastructure, career do we want and desire? If we can develop great clarity we stop wasting our time talking about what we don't have and get excited about what we can achieve. Clarity works like magic. Don't be afraid to dream big, it's your dream, and as long as you are crystal clear what you want, you are likely to get it exactly as you envisioned it.

8. Become a doer, be an action hero:
We all love a movie where the hero saves the world and overcomes all odds. We all love a hero. Then why is it so tough to be one? Because it takes getting up from in front of the TV, computer, chair, sofa, car to actually go and do something about our lives. Superman doesn't fly in through the window, sadly. Make it your agenda to do 5 things daily that bring you closer to your goals. Just this tiny trick can get you massive results. Try it out...begin acting on your good thoughts and solid plans. Be a doer, worship action, get over your fear, laziness, doubt and suspicion and just act on your goals. Be your own action hero.

9. Don't wait for tangible rewards to feel motivated:
As you do your daily 5 actions to get close to your goals, rewards might be seen on some days and not seen on others. Keep at it, don't stop, don't slow down, don't think too much, don't discuss and dissect why you can't see them. Just keep taking action if you are sure you are going as per your plan and all is well with your goals. Momentum has to build to give us rewards that finally will become tangible, quick and numerous. We need to hold on tight and keep the faith until that happens. Never turn around in doubt and never look back. Keep up the self-motivation that fuels success.

10. Believe in yourself when no one does:
It is hugely disappointing when someone gives you a disbelieving look after you've shared all your goals and dreams with them. You instantly see their look and begin suspecting your own competence and capability to succeed. Accept that this will happen in life, and so become your biggest believer and fan. Keep yourself focused on what you want and keep at it no matter how many others feel you can't do it. If you don't believe in yourself, not much chance anyone else will.

Do share if you have another nugget that you think can be added to this list.

To your success always. 

Take Bold Decisions, Move Towards Your Success

As a people manager and a training professional, I meet people and interact with them all the time. Very often, they share with me their desire to see themselves grow and achieve success in their life, and yet, I find the very same people shying away from taking bold decisions that can create quantum leaps for them and their life. I am talking about smart, educated, experienced people who have the definite capability to move ahead in life and achieve their goals. And yet they continue to be disappointed and disillusioned about their future or their capacity to succeed. 

You might say, but isn't our economic and global situation too risky to be bold? I think not taking any risks or bold decisions is a sure risk that we will miss out on all that we deserve and can achieve. At the same time, I am mindful that our current economic times are tough and hard for all of us, and there is no denying the fact that the world we live in today is much different and difficult than the one we had to deal with even ten years ago. I would be lying if I said, I have never felt fearful or apprehensive of what lay ahead. However, it is my innate nature and my burning need that I have cultivated over the years to confidently walk ahead and take bold decisions in the face of daunting challenges. Which brings me to the question - what constitutes a bold decision? Let me give you some genuine examples from my life. Hope you recall some of yours.

As a young student, I took up MBA as an aspiration when I didn't even know how my family would pay my fee, neither did I have a bank balance of my own. It was a scary and bold decision as I had faith that an MBA degree would increase my earning capacity and my ability to support my family. It was the right decision, though probably not the most realistic one looking at our financial condition. As it happened, money appeared from the most unlikely sources and we were able to support my education. I have heard so many people say that somehow help appeared and things fell into place, once they took a big step forward.

I then left a thriving job with one of India's top B schools and started my own training consulting business with no computer (I am talking about early 2000), no contacts in the industry, just Rs. 12000 in savings from my one year job stint and with very limited training experience on my hands, plus I was and looked like a kid in a classroom. Yet, none of this stopped me from knowing and acting on the knowledge that training was my passion and it had to be my career therefore. I would go to a cyber cafe to do my emails and prepare my presentations and call companies from pay phones. In less than 2 years I was a much in demand trainer and big companies were paying me a handsome per day fee to train their middle and senior managers. This too was a bold decision that changed my life forever and became the basis of all future success. Needless to say, I worked hard on increasing my knowledge and read like a crazy person to up-skill myself.

I then aspired to go overseas and train foreigners and experience a different culture. Within a month, I had spotted such an opportunity and applied for a short-term visit being organized by Rotary International. As it happened, the Rotary trip demanded a sum of 10,000 from my side, and all other expenses were paid for. I could therefore, afford this trip. I got chosen for the opportunity and had the most amazing experience in US and Canada which was completely beyond my financial means, but that never stopped me from believing and taking a decision that helped me move towards realizing my goal to go overseas and train.

Yet again, my 'big goals' bug bit me and I had to go ahead and do something bigger and better for my life and career. This time I left behind a successful consulting business and joined one of Indian's top IT companies and found a wonderful job that fit me perfectly and got me more resources than I could ever have imagined. Not to mention I took a bold decision when I accepted this job offer to move from North to the South of the country, all by myself and with no help or support in sight. My list of bold decisions continues and I have again taken a couple of very bold decisions in my life to achieve even bigger goals....I really don't think there is any reason to stop aspiring or working towards aspirations, irrespective of how bad the times might be.

Bold decisions are bold because they require courage and faith. That certainly does not mean we take foolish risks without weighing some necessary pros and cons, or jump into situations that might jeopardize our relationships or career. It just means we keep our options open and move with conviction in a direction we are convinced will help us to ease current problems and open up wide doorways to enter another level of success and prosperity. Bold decisions are the ones that we would normally never take if we thought and thought and over analyzed them. Analysis is good, but over thinking decisions and all the consequences that might flow from them, results in analysis paralysis. That is a state when we are unable to move forward and find a reason to reject all options at hand and all advice as useless. This is not just unproductive, but unnecessary.

Key to feeling bold and courageous is to keep taking action, and become an action oriented person. Don't stop at every hurdle and sit down in deep contemplation. Life does require us to walk past some obstacles and not make them emotional hurdles. So next time you find yourself in a bad situation that completely frustrates you, remember, it is probably a result of you not taking bold decisions at the right time.

Good news - it is never too late. Take a bold decision and feel the power that is within you and is the key to all your progress and success.

To your success always!

Don't Be a Drifter...Take Charge Today

Over a long period of time, I have realized how many people out there are comfortable with just drifting along in life. Sadly, they have turned into certified drifters and have lost their zest for life. How do I define drifters? Those who have a blank look in their eyes and on their face, who don't have creative ideas about their work or their life, who let life and career and people simply happen to them than carve their own path and their own relationships, and who don't have very significant life events that define them or help them grow.

While wisdom tells us to go with the flow of life, this often becomes the excuse of drifters. I am going with the flow of life, they say. That is not what going with the flow means though- it means we have goals and aspirations, put in the hard work and diligence, use our intelligence and experience to get ahead in life, and then let life take its course rather than fight life every single day. Drifters are doing quite the opposite. Not doing anything significant and waiting for great things to happen is like not planting the seed, but hoping for the fruit to drop in our laps someday. Thankfully, life does not work like that.

It is important to wake up to our own greatness. Yes we all have it, every single one of us. God didn't create us in vain. We need not be a Celebrity or a Yogi or a Millionaire to feel the greatness within us. If you can be a great spouse, or parent, or colleague or leader then you are witness to your own greatness on a daily basis, and so are others. Greatness lies in realizing our deepest fears and doing something about them, greateness is discovering our highest aspirations and reaching out to them through a planned and patient approach, and being a good person so that we never look back in regret and guilt. That is discovering our greatness and being great.

Drifters are too scared, lazy, unaware and unconcerned to do much about their life and therefore they drift on with the uncertain currents of life never reaching a definite goal or trying to change course of their ineffective lives. They often don't realize that they are not living their lives on their own terms, but others are making their decisions for them. If we wait long enough, for sure others will make our choices and steer our lives for us. It could be our family who does that or our friends or colleagues or the organization we work for. Either ways, it is a waste of our own life and initiative if we can't steer our lives on our own.

What can you do to get out of this rut? Well, begin by doing something on your own initiative that makes a tangible difference to you. Take a walk every day to make a change to your lazy and unhealthy routine, eat consciously, so you nourish your body, write an email to someone asking for help or advice, read up an article that shows you a path to your chosen goals....I could keep going on and on. Hope you get the idea.

So wake up today....take charge.....do one small thing to shape your life...just one tiny deed of self-initiation and get your power back in life.

Always to your success!

Four easy tips to excel at work

Most of you reading this might be part of a formal organization, and there are times when you feel like the proverbial 'cog-in-the-wheel'. And for good reason, most organizations have thousands of employees and it is fairly easy to get swallowed up by the mass of people and just be one more employee. 

But there is a lot you can do to change that and get noticed for the right reasons. I have counseled and coached a lot of mid-level managers who were frustrated with their bosses not recognizing their hard work or the organization just not acknowledging their value. 

All of us might have experiences getting entangled in the day-to-day controversies and politics of our team and really missing out on the big picture. It's easy to make daily irritants at office your life. This is not just a bad strategy at work, but also personally self-defeating. Instead, ignore people who annoy you and invest time in studying your department/function and seeing things from 30,000 feet - like your super boss might. Try looking at the big picture of what are the key roles of your department and its place in the larger organization. For example, I am an HR/OB person, so how does my work assist the learning capability of the organization is a good question for me to think about. You will be amazed that you can recognize value-adding work, get noticed by the bosses, help the most important goals of your department, and really help your customer. 

Second, focus on your self-development. No matter what the nature of your job might be, there is always a certification you can earn, do a short-term course, or join a distance learning program. No study is ever wasted, or so is my belief. Learning can become a powerful weapon in your career progress if you target it on your current career path. In essence, make strategic learning decisions. What that means is, if you wish to become the next general manager or vice president at work, then learn about things that will help you get to that position faster or make you the ideal candidate for the next promotion. Learn things that will help you make your job description richer and more rewarding.

Third, participate in the world outside your organization. A lot of us are so involved and exhausted in our current jobs that all effort goes in going to office and coming back home. Has it ever occurred to you that your exhaustion is not just physical, it is primarily - mental exhaustion. Nothing is more tiring than a routine life that begins and ends in office. So, make the time to step outside the office. Join a management group or an association that talks about your kind of work. Another great way to participate in the outside world it so attend training seminars and conferences both as a participant or a speaker. You will be surprised how easy it to take these steps once you make the first move. So try it. 

Fourth and last, don't lose touch with your hobbies. It took me years to get back to my hobbies once I got lost in my world of work. But now that I am back into doing what I love to do in my free time, I find more energy and time to do my real job well. So go back to your hobbies, even if for fifteen minutes in a day. But let those fifteen minutes be just for yourself - indulging in what makes you happy and energetic. 

I hope some of these tips will help your excel at work and rise above the ordinary.

Selfish is good...

Some months ago, I heard a talk by the Dalai Lama, and he spoke wisely about the importance of 'thinking about ourselves first' if we are to be of service to others. Now this does seem like a counter-intuitive piece of advice when all we've grown up hearing is that being selfish is a bad and despicable thing, more so, in our culture. But maybe, being selfish is not what he means. Neither does my experience feel so.

Think about this for a while. Unfortunately, so many of our ills and family unrest come from doing what we think will please others or make things harmonious. On the contrary, and over years of familial closeness, situations and relationships worsen. To make it feel more wretched, we realize after twenty years of effort that no one ended up as happy with us as we had hoped for. On the contrary, we have ladled on our plate a good helping of blame for past messes. I've come to resent the idea of living to please others and keeping peace at the expense of my own peace of mind. It is self-defeating, unproductive, and does more harm than any good in the long-term. Believe me, love and service are not meant to be like that. Love is something else.

I feel, selfish is good. Not in a 'what-is-yours-is-mine-and-what-is-mine-is-mine' kind of way. But more in a way that says - I need to first make myself happy, fend for my wellbeing, employ my talents, nurture my spirit, create a healthy body, and find my livelihood - then I am available to share my life and love with others. Something tremendous happens once we follow this path - we are not just more available to others, we have more energy, gusto, and willingness to be inclusive and thoughtful. In the absence of having taken care of our self, our enthusiasm to serve and love others gradually declines to grudging resentments and an uncomfortable feeling of being used or taken advantage of. Harsh as it may sound, this is not noble, just cowardice - with a dash of denial.

I am changing myself, and the change is coming upon me like a gentle breeze. I no longer believe that I can be useful to others if I have not served myself first or loved myself first. And yes, it does make others sit-up and take notice. Btw, others around you will grudge you the change because not being driven by their moods is to their disadvantage, unless they love you so much that they are happy for your progress as a person. That way I am lucky with some people in my life who always support me, it makes it easier to deal with those who don't. Hope you find that support too. And if you don't, never give up on being your true self.

The way to inner happiness is to make yourself happy first, follow your joy, have your cup overflowing before others can take a sip from it. Only when we are whole can we genuinely share our self with others.

In favor of life....

I am moving from being a collector of things to 'living my life' with less things if possible. For a person who is professionally in the 'people space', I have been constantly 'space challenged' about the non-living stuff in my life. Somehow, my belongings always seem to outdo the space I have to keep them. As a consequence, none of my homes ever do justice to my things - and that means there is always less space for people.

The trend began early - as a child my toys overflowed from their rightful 'toy corner', as a young girl my beautiful clothes were always short of just one more wardrobe shelf, as a working woman my cosmetics constantly fell off their shelf. For most of my life, I have considered this normal.

It was only recently that I began to see the humor and futility of my 'race for space'! I don't need a larger wardrobe - I need less things! I don't need to keep busy - I need a better purpose in my life.

And here's my problem with hoarding things or being busy with being busy or taking care of things I hardly like or buying things I can do without....the more I have and buy, the more time I need to manage it. Somehow, giving so much of my precious time, energy and money to my possessions seems undeserved.

In the natural course of my life, I now enjoy a good meal with a few people I like than a big party with people I don't really care about. I would rather ponder over the legacy I can leave than worry over breaking my grandmother’s crockery. And I know for sure that I can do with much less clothes and shoes than I imagined as long as I can look presentable and smart.

I guess this thought stirred in me many years ago as I stood in a graveyard to be with the memory of a loved one we lost. It was for the first time that I stood amongst the tombstones for a long, reflective moment. I had always known a graveyard, but from a safe distance, with the dispassion and detachment of a young person too far removed from anything that bode the end.

But that day was different, and time stood still. For the first time in my life I realized that death is a great leveler. Irrespective of my achievements, wealth, possessions or another person's wasted life, our stories would end up in the same place some day, and it wouldn't matter which one of us was better looking, or wealthier, or more traveled or had a bigger job.There would only be silence and stillness at the end.

I took that realization as something positive and not necessarily sad. So, this blog is not about death.....it's fervently in favor of life, living...and leaving a legacy. Because even if our stories might end in the same place, our impact on those we leave behind doesn't have to be the same.

Here's my discovery, we don't have to be someone great to leave a legacy, we become great when we leave a legacy. As we do our own thing, dance to our own music, follow our joy, chase our purpose - I hope we also keep a track of those around us, because our life's biggest imprint is not in the graveyard, it lives on in the lives of those we leave behind.