Four easy tips to excel at work

Most of you reading this might be part of a formal organization, and there are times when you feel like the proverbial 'cog-in-the-wheel'. And for good reason, most organizations have thousands of employees and it is fairly easy to get swallowed up by the mass of people and just be one more employee. 

But there is a lot you can do to change that and get noticed for the right reasons. I have counseled and coached a lot of mid-level managers who were frustrated with their bosses not recognizing their hard work or the organization just not acknowledging their value. 

All of us might have experiences getting entangled in the day-to-day controversies and politics of our team and really missing out on the big picture. It's easy to make daily irritants at office your life. This is not just a bad strategy at work, but also personally self-defeating. Instead, ignore people who annoy you and invest time in studying your department/function and seeing things from 30,000 feet - like your super boss might. Try looking at the big picture of what are the key roles of your department and its place in the larger organization. For example, I am an HR/OB person, so how does my work assist the learning capability of the organization is a good question for me to think about. You will be amazed that you can recognize value-adding work, get noticed by the bosses, help the most important goals of your department, and really help your customer. 

Second, focus on your self-development. No matter what the nature of your job might be, there is always a certification you can earn, do a short-term course, or join a distance learning program. No study is ever wasted, or so is my belief. Learning can become a powerful weapon in your career progress if you target it on your current career path. In essence, make strategic learning decisions. What that means is, if you wish to become the next general manager or vice president at work, then learn about things that will help you get to that position faster or make you the ideal candidate for the next promotion. Learn things that will help you make your job description richer and more rewarding.

Third, participate in the world outside your organization. A lot of us are so involved and exhausted in our current jobs that all effort goes in going to office and coming back home. Has it ever occurred to you that your exhaustion is not just physical, it is primarily - mental exhaustion. Nothing is more tiring than a routine life that begins and ends in office. So, make the time to step outside the office. Join a management group or an association that talks about your kind of work. Another great way to participate in the outside world it so attend training seminars and conferences both as a participant or a speaker. You will be surprised how easy it to take these steps once you make the first move. So try it. 

Fourth and last, don't lose touch with your hobbies. It took me years to get back to my hobbies once I got lost in my world of work. But now that I am back into doing what I love to do in my free time, I find more energy and time to do my real job well. So go back to your hobbies, even if for fifteen minutes in a day. But let those fifteen minutes be just for yourself - indulging in what makes you happy and energetic. 

I hope some of these tips will help your excel at work and rise above the ordinary.

Selfish is good...

Some months ago, I heard a talk by the Dalai Lama, and he spoke wisely about the importance of 'thinking about ourselves first' if we are to be of service to others. Now this does seem like a counter-intuitive piece of advice when all we've grown up hearing is that being selfish is a bad and despicable thing, more so, in our culture. But maybe, being selfish is not what he means. Neither does my experience feel so.

Think about this for a while. Unfortunately, so many of our ills and family unrest come from doing what we think will please others or make things harmonious. On the contrary, and over years of familial closeness, situations and relationships worsen. To make it feel more wretched, we realize after twenty years of effort that no one ended up as happy with us as we had hoped for. On the contrary, we have ladled on our plate a good helping of blame for past messes. I've come to resent the idea of living to please others and keeping peace at the expense of my own peace of mind. It is self-defeating, unproductive, and does more harm than any good in the long-term. Believe me, love and service are not meant to be like that. Love is something else.

I feel, selfish is good. Not in a 'what-is-yours-is-mine-and-what-is-mine-is-mine' kind of way. But more in a way that says - I need to first make myself happy, fend for my wellbeing, employ my talents, nurture my spirit, create a healthy body, and find my livelihood - then I am available to share my life and love with others. Something tremendous happens once we follow this path - we are not just more available to others, we have more energy, gusto, and willingness to be inclusive and thoughtful. In the absence of having taken care of our self, our enthusiasm to serve and love others gradually declines to grudging resentments and an uncomfortable feeling of being used or taken advantage of. Harsh as it may sound, this is not noble, just cowardice - with a dash of denial.

I am changing myself, and the change is coming upon me like a gentle breeze. I no longer believe that I can be useful to others if I have not served myself first or loved myself first. And yes, it does make others sit-up and take notice. Btw, others around you will grudge you the change because not being driven by their moods is to their disadvantage, unless they love you so much that they are happy for your progress as a person. That way I am lucky with some people in my life who always support me, it makes it easier to deal with those who don't. Hope you find that support too. And if you don't, never give up on being your true self.

The way to inner happiness is to make yourself happy first, follow your joy, have your cup overflowing before others can take a sip from it. Only when we are whole can we genuinely share our self with others.

In favor of life....

I am moving from being a collector of things to 'living my life' with less things if possible. For a person who is professionally in the 'people space', I have been constantly 'space challenged' about the non-living stuff in my life. Somehow, my belongings always seem to outdo the space I have to keep them. As a consequence, none of my homes ever do justice to my things - and that means there is always less space for people.

The trend began early - as a child my toys overflowed from their rightful 'toy corner', as a young girl my beautiful clothes were always short of just one more wardrobe shelf, as a working woman my cosmetics constantly fell off their shelf. For most of my life, I have considered this normal.

It was only recently that I began to see the humor and futility of my 'race for space'! I don't need a larger wardrobe - I need less things! I don't need to keep busy - I need a better purpose in my life.

And here's my problem with hoarding things or being busy with being busy or taking care of things I hardly like or buying things I can do without....the more I have and buy, the more time I need to manage it. Somehow, giving so much of my precious time, energy and money to my possessions seems undeserved.

In the natural course of my life, I now enjoy a good meal with a few people I like than a big party with people I don't really care about. I would rather ponder over the legacy I can leave than worry over breaking my grandmother’s crockery. And I know for sure that I can do with much less clothes and shoes than I imagined as long as I can look presentable and smart.

I guess this thought stirred in me many years ago as I stood in a graveyard to be with the memory of a loved one we lost. It was for the first time that I stood amongst the tombstones for a long, reflective moment. I had always known a graveyard, but from a safe distance, with the dispassion and detachment of a young person too far removed from anything that bode the end.

But that day was different, and time stood still. For the first time in my life I realized that death is a great leveler. Irrespective of my achievements, wealth, possessions or another person's wasted life, our stories would end up in the same place some day, and it wouldn't matter which one of us was better looking, or wealthier, or more traveled or had a bigger job.There would only be silence and stillness at the end.

I took that realization as something positive and not necessarily sad. So, this blog is not about death.....it's fervently in favor of life, living...and leaving a legacy. Because even if our stories might end in the same place, our impact on those we leave behind doesn't have to be the same.

Here's my discovery, we don't have to be someone great to leave a legacy, we become great when we leave a legacy. As we do our own thing, dance to our own music, follow our joy, chase our purpose - I hope we also keep a track of those around us, because our life's biggest imprint is not in the graveyard, it lives on in the lives of those we leave behind.

The art of letting go....

As I sit here to write today, I have gathered new experiences in this new year, visited a new place I'd never been to, donned the tourist hat and looked around keenly, met new people and made a couple of new friends. And of course....had some new realizations.

This year, one of my bigger realizations is to forgive more freely and have more compassion in any situation than I am prone to displaying. Not that I don't forgive or forget, but there room for improvement. I need to let myself and others off of the hook more often. 

Many years ago, I read this beautiful piece that came as a forward in my inbox. It was called, 'The art of letting go', and it had an undeniable effect on my thinking. I'll admit that I haven't always been able to let go in emotionally and mentally tough situations, but with passing years, I am beginning to see great value in it. 

I often ask myself....what makes for a happy, peaceful, and fulfilling day? Well, for starts not harboring bitter and regretful feelings helps. Not brooding over past injustices and the unfairness of our world saves positive fuel to propel better thoughts. Not letting grudges and anger fester in my mind opens up loads of space for better things to enter my life. Not holding resentments allows me to find more friends and less foes. It's all connected to the art of letting go....letting go the past and respecting my present more.

So, I am about to make a list of all that which has bothered me in the past, and then close my eyes and meditate on what makes me angry about that person, thing or place and then with all my positive energy - release my hurt and anger. I plan to do this until I have crossed out all that I might have stored in my little black book. I guess, we all have one stashed away and the contents always spill over into the worst moments of our life - reminding us of all the negativity of the past and present.

I am getting older. I don't have the time or the patience or the energy to brood, to resent, to show my anger, to take my back, to settle my scores, to justify myself, to rub it in, to indulge in regrets, to live in fear, to feel insecure, and to feel negative. I am done with all of these for this lifetime.

And I am thankful, because I now understand the value of the opposite end of the spectrum. All the above were important and necessary experiences. I would be incomplete without crossing those paths. But there is a time to cross a path and there is a time to recognize that road and decide to not go down it again. 

I think I have reached that point where I can stand at crossroads and choose more wisely. Forgiveness comes to me more easily, compassion does not feel hypocritical, concern sounds naturally genuine and proving I am right doesn't matter as much. 

Unlike what I had imagined - this an easier road to walk on because the fantastic people you meet on this path are people you won't meet on any other.

The 10 things to strive for in 2012

Happy New Year 2012! It's the New Year and I feel the gush of excitement and a feeling of unwrapping a brand new gift. It is amazing that no matter how tough the last year might have been, the transition from Dec 31st to Jan 1st brings hope, new beginnings, greater resolve, and new found determination to make this year the best we can. 

Among the many things we could do this year to help ourselves be our best, here are my TOP TEN picks.

ONE: Be determined. Keep plugging into your big goals to make them a reality. 

TWO: Stay calm. Don't let people disturb your focus over trivial issues.

THREE: Remain enthusiastic. A dull pursuit of a desire never got anyone anywhere. 

FOUR: Take care of your body. Health determines the true quality of our life.

FIVE: Forgive and move on. Forgiveness helps you to shed the burdens of your life. 

SIX: Create value. Create more value for your customers/ organization than anyone expects.

SEVEN: Take vacations. Refresh and renew your mind and body, so you feel energetic. 

EIGHT: Live everyday. No day is ordinary or boring, we make it so. 

NINE: Take care of your relationships. People come before things, money, and work. 

TEN: Never give up: Getting over your toughest phase brings the best rewards.

10 Tips on not losing sleep over others....

How do I preserve my peace of mind? I've wondered often, especially....when I lose it. Annoyingly so, one loses it over trivialities than earth-shattering issues. A jibe from someone, a sarcastic remark, callous behavior, hurtful tone, unkind laughter, and most often....judgments that others make a business of heaping on you. 

Experience has taught me, I would rather lose sleep over pesky mosquitoes in my room than over someone who thinks too much of themselves and too little of me. That sounds dangerously like an unreasonable person who can't be made happy - not now and not in the future. Nothing could be a greater waste of time, positive energy, and stamina than to try and please or convince people like this.  

Yet I hear often from others that they are unhappy because someone criticized them, or didn't appreciate their genuine effort, or suspected their good intentions, or said hurtful things knowing the effect if would have on them. Ask yourself this good question - Why would you allow someone to do this to you?

Peace of mind might not be a fashionable term. Yet, with passing years, I yearn for it even more than I do for success or money. Let's aspire this New Years to make peace a part of our mind space.

Here's my recipe - The Top 10 tips on preserving your peace of mind. Hope you find it useful:

1. Beware of the opinions of others. Weigh them before you buy them.

2. Give yourself credit for your intelligence and wisdom. Don't wait to be told you are good enough.

3. Be sure that we all spend more time learning than making mistakes. Though it seems the other way round.

4. Smile generously upon criticism. You probably know what you aren't good at anyway.

5. Accept that your best efforts might not be appreciated. Say a word of appreciation to yourself.

6. Know that some people will never be pleased - it's their problem, not yours! Though this also seems the other way round.

7. Remember you are as imperfect as the other person. We are just imperfect at different things.

8. Realize that those who judge you unfairly create a devil in their own minds before they might in yours.

9. Understand that the most unpleasant ones are fighting their own demons. It doesn't have so much to do with you.

10. Always remember that depending on someone else to make you feel great  leads to heartache. Know that you did your best, then let it go.

Next time you lose sleep over someone or something, remember that we are all headed to one common, inevitable destination. Including the other person. In the larger scheme of life and things what is bothering you is miniscule compared to what you could celebrate.

Are you happy today?

I think I've written more blogs about 'happiness' than any other worthy topic. I feel strongly about being happy people because it appears to be the cornerstone of all other accomplishments. Unhappy people seem to breed failure, and happy people seem to choose success. 

I've come full circle in my constant pursuit of happiness. I began by not reading about being happy, then reading a lot, then experimenting all by myself, then failing miserably and getting depressed anyway. Then I tried reading complicated books about it, then I watched happy people in the hope of learning happiness. Then I read simpler books, and observed some more people being happy. I continued to be happy and unhappy nevertheless. Inconsistency gets to me. I like striving for consistency and find it tough, honestly.

The pursuit of happiness continues - HOW can I be happy for 90% of my life leaving only a measly 10% for the unhappy part. Just like 90% ought be healthy and 10% in a sick bed. I had to apportion a part to both kinds of mental states because all wise people say that life is a mix of the opposites, and the ups and downs are not just inevitable, but desirable. 

Point taken. We hardly learn from being happy has been my refrain as well. But I've discovered that a very short spell of wretchedness is quite enough to make me learn. I am a quick study. I resolutely want to be happy - all the time, if possible. 

So this is what I do now. I LIVE my life everyday. Which means I focus on doing things that I like to do. Most importantly, these few things I like to do seem to produce more things I like to do. Through this strategy, happy opportunities and happy moments are produced quicker than even rabbits multiplying. 

Just today, all I wanted to do was sit in the sun and read a book by Tony Robbins called, 'Unlimited Power'. That's exactly what I went ahead and did. Could I have been writing a book of my own in that time? Yes, probably. But I chose to succumb to the urge of doing this happy thing. Just one hour of this made me insanely happy. Now I am back at my work desk and I am very productive and very happy. 

I am writing this in my most free and happy states of mind. I've learned not to feel guilty about these small, everyday pleasures of life. I absolutely love the thrill of doing tiny things that make me feel great. Let's make life worth living every day. Many people in our world are waiting for that one spectacular day to make it worth while to be on this planet. You and I know that it doesn't work like that - life is right here in the apparent ordinariness of everyday - not in the illusion of a special day in the future. 

So let's be as happy as we can today - right now - in this moment. I am. Are you?

Why you must never give up.....

Long ago, in another land, I was a bright eyed, bushy tailed MBA aspirant. There stood between me and the degree I pined for a formidable competitive exam. As was the trend, I joined a coaching class to help me along with the exam.

My instructor said something to egg us on that left a deep imprint on my mind. She said....

"Don't give up when you badly want to give up...that's an indication you are almost at the top of the ladder. Most people give up and start climbing down at that stage, not realizing how close they are to the top. Keep climbing." 

Thankfully, I was young enough to believe her entirely. I hung on. I climbed my ladder. Not just that one, but quite a few others since then. But here's the trick. When every ounce of my strength and resolve is spent in trying to achieve what I want, and my efforts have come to naught.....that's when I so badly want to give up. Every fiber of my being screams in rebellion. As if waiting for that bit of clamor, a tiny voice miraculously awakens from its slumber, and says to me....march on resolutely, don't be foolish, don't be weak now, don't get tempted by the devil, don't waste all your toil and tears - not when the end is so near. The light is just round the corner....walk on just a bit. I nod in agreement though unwillingly, pick up the pieces and lie to myself that I have it in me to walk just a bit longer. 

And I do....I meet the dazzling light and all my pain is then forgotten and forgiven. Life gets its way and I come out grateful and chastised.

Life has a brilliant way of squeezing us through unimaginable pressure and agony . Like a rock that must undergo immense pressure, pain and patience before it pops out a diamond. Shining insanely in the bright glare of its success - no one remembers how dusty and black it lay just a while ago. Same above as below. The transformation is no less painful for us up here - the wait no less humiliating. And yet, life demands that last drop of blood and sweat. 

Next time any of us want to give up - let's go easy on life. She wants us to succeed. Fortunes change in a day. The last stretch is the ultimate test - lets be masters of the last mile. Never give up! Never lose faith.

How to prevent a bad mood....

Moods are slippery things. One moment you want to conquer the world, the next you're so bored you could be counting the spiders hanging from your ceiling. It seriously bothers me when I don't feel as happy, excited, and charged up as I would like to. And I don't want to dismiss it in the name of my overactive female hormones. I've seen men go through mood swings, too.

So here are my FIVE proven strategies to elevate your mood this holiday season...beginning now! (Of course, eating chocolates and cakes works too!)

Remember - moods make you move! A bad mood can waste your most precious time and energy on brooding over all the wrong stuff OR a fabulous mood can help you take action and achieve big things in life! The choice is ours....read on. 

1. Wake up to shake up - waking up with the crows and before the sun rises helps you kick start your normal bio clock - just the way nature meant it to be. Plenty of time to sleep when we are dead, as someone wise said.

2. Get moving - cliched, but true. An unmoving lifestyle that keeps you in a chair/sofa for hours on end is a sure shot way for lethargy to creep up on your mood. Brisk walk/jog for just 20 mins everyday to elevate your mood to 'happy' and 'excited'. I've tried it, and I so enjoy it.

3. Chunk that schedule - nothing demotivates me more than lingering on a task for 3 hours non-stop. Research has proven that working in 90 minute chunks with a 15 min rejuvenating break in between makes us most productive and happy. Try it today!

4. Start it right - begin your day with either listening, reading, talking, watching something uplifting and positive. Protect your mood when it matters the most. Avoid toxic people, TV, and newspapers. I love this one.

5. Align it right - doing what you don't like is a serious and long-term mood spoiler. Align your life and your work to your desires and goals. This is a long-term mood saver, and one of my important personal discoveries.

Hope these five proven strategies help you in making your mood a more steady part of your mental health, than just something you leave to chance.

A super happy day ahead to all of you!

Interview

Thanks to the publications, I get an opportunity to talk about my work and life, and what I believe in. Hope you find it useful and enjoyable. 

Published in Chillibreeze - 2011
http://chillibreeze.in/writer-interviews/chillibreeze-interview-with-sonali-masih-dsilva/