Victims don't win...

We all have our pet peeves and we all have our fetish for a thing or two in life. I discovered that some people have an absolute liking for playing 'victim' in life.

A while back, I attended a gathering of like-minded people that promised to be an elevating evening of good conversations and sensible thoughts. Things were on track for a while, and the conversation was gathering momentum. A lady looked decidedly uncomfortable and skeptical. Ultimately, the constructiveness got too much for her and she piped in with - 'what do you do if others are hell bent on pulling you down? How can I be positive when everyone in my immediate environment finds faults with me, and compares me with others. I am surrounded by critical and unhappy people.'

For a while, there was absolute silence, not because the complaint was not acceptable, but because the whole conversation till then had been about taking responsibility and being proactive about managing our environment. Yet, the leader of the discussion tried his hardest to bring the lady hope, and we all pitched in with some fantastic ideas, if I may say so myself. These were very practical and common sense ideas such as:

• Love yourself completely - try not to find faults with yourself
• Look at the good stuff inside you that others might not
• Develop the courage to stand up to unwanted criticism and come up with facts
• Comparisons can be hurtful, but the one comparing you takes pleasure in the effect it has on you, so be stronger. Try not to get swayed by it.
• Change your environment however hard it might be
• Avoid brooding about what others say - it makes it harder to move on
• Value your strengths especially, when others don't
• Don't give energy to the negativity of others, it makes them stronger and you weaker
• Indulge in a hobby or interest that helps you shift your attention from others to yourself

This took considerable time and energy, but everyone was happy to contribute because everyone wanted to help. The only problem was - the lady was not looking for help. She looked doubtful and found a way to shoot down most suggestions and agreed unwillingly to some. Finally, she said, 'but there are some people in our life who absolutely cripple us, and we can't stop them.'

And then I understood her real problem - it wasn't her environment, it wasn't her family harassing her, it wasn't that God had chosen a hard time for her. Her problem was that she was a hard core victim. She enjoyed the attention and sympathy that her complaining brought her. I also realized that a victim who wants to be one doesn't turn a victor without their wanting to do so. It doesn't matter if good suggestions and help is extended. And it might not make any difference if someone put them in the best and most positive of environments. I guess they will still find a reason to crib and be unhappy.

I came away a bit jolted, and I'll admit even a little frustrated. We live only once - and none of us are getting any younger. Wasting our life is probably a more terrible loss than even wasting our time. But then, the gates of change open only on the inside, others can knock in hope.

Let's be victors....lets take charge....let's make the most of this one life we got. Because victims don't turn victors, only proactive, courageous and resourceful people do.