Who is your greatest fan?

I have a sneaking suspicion that you thought of someone else right away. Today morning, as I opened my Facebook page to write one of my original quotes, this one struck me – ‘Believe in yourself, your fan club begins with you’. I smiled with some nostalgia as I put this up on my page. 

When I started out in life, I was not my greatest fan by any stretch of the imagination. I was my greatest critic. I was hard on myself, and found every fault I could possibly find. I berated myself for all the embarrassing moments and mistakes, that sting harder when we are that young.

Gallons of water have flown under the bridge since then. And being my greatest fan has been one of the hard earned lessons. 

The phrase ‘be your own fan’ is not an exercise in narcissism or blinding self-promotion. Quite the opposite. To me, it simply means this....

To love ourselves as much as we might love the most precious person in our life, to treat ourselves with genuine respect, great kindness, and ample forgiveness. It’s a place, where looking into a mirror, we smile with the kind of happiness we search for in other people’s faces. And ‘being our own fan’ is about paying heed to a voice inside that tells us we are wise, beautiful, and intelligent – we are entitled to every good thing in life.  

What’s the reverse of not being our own admirers? Well, in my experience, if we don’t love ourselves, we must dislike ourselves. If we don’t admire who we are deep down, we must criticize what we see on the surface. If we don’t forgive ourselves, we must exist under the burden of blame and guilt. If we don’t respect ourselves, we must allow others to take away from our self-respect at every opportunity. And if we don’t consider ourselves wise and intelligent, we must act foolish to prove our belief. 

That sounds like a sad place to be. A place where all our talents and ideas seem less worthy than others, and our confidence is attached to the random opinions of those around. Have you noticed, the more we trust and look up to someone, the more their opinions become our own? We begin to define ourselves through the eyes of others. 

I am reminded of a short spell of time when I was learning the ropes of just about everything. There were no rules to follow outright, and much was left to the raw discretion of a young girl who never lacked in enthusiasm, but sorely fell short on expertise and experience. It was a time of great learning and development. Such that never happens in a school or college; these are valuable lessons only the real world can teach us. I was on one such enlightening journey – and as with all things valuable, I did not know its importance back then. 

Within a short span of two months, I realized something grave was missing from my life. That one word was – appreciation. My environment did not believe in giving feedback or telling me on a monthly basis how I was doing? There was only silence and short communications about what I was expected to do. Instead of protesting about it, I fell in line, because that seemed the only option at my disposal then. The results were disastrous. I fell back on my work, and stressed about the smallest of tasks. I began to think less and less of my innate ability to excel. More dangerously, I fell into the trap of looking to others for validation, instead of asking myself if I had done well or not. My confidence nose-dived, making me a poor version of my otherwise effusive and extremely positive self.

Thankfully, light dawned. When the negativity got too much, I shook myself up, and my real self emerged – rebellious and complaining about my lack of support to my own self. I saw the folly of my ways, not just in believing my circumstances, but not asking for what was due to me. If only I had asked for feedback, I know I would have received it. Maybe, the other person was waiting for me as well. Maybe, my silence was misunderstood for satisfaction. We might never discover, and it doesn’t matter now. The lesson was important, and I have held on to it. 

Ask yourself today – Are you your greatest fan? Are you the admirer you have been waiting for all your life? Are you your best companion and most attentive listener? 

I hope you say, yes. Even if you don’t, do begin today. Go ahead, and appreciate yourself in the silence and solitude of your mind. We have the maximum conversations in a day with ourselves - next time you talk to yourself, be kind, be excited, be appreciative, and be encouraging. We need all of this from within than from any other person in our life.